|Reviews for Spiral|
| Leoboz chapter 11 . 11/29/2012
Loved it :3
| Guest chapter 11 . 10/30/2012
Amazing! that's all I could say please u have to update soon!
| pregar chapter 11 . 9/10/2012
This is the first time when I'm glad that I've seen that (boring) season 1 of k-on. Quite the emotional roller coaster, this fiction. And really well written.
You concentrate a lot on people's interaction, which is great, but maybe a little bit more of background description wouldn't be bad.
| Guest chapter 11 . 8/31/2012
omg I just spent the past few days reading this whole story, nonstop. I'm so hooked on this Spiral it's not even funny! I don't think I've obsessed over a fanfic, or even a story, this much, ever! I don't have a favorite character, because I love them all. They're each so unique and so dynamic that I find it hard to call them fictional characters. It's like they are actual human beings. You also did an amazing job with Azusa's growth, developing into this wounded savior readers can sympathize with. I can just go on and on about how much I love this story, but really this story has such an incredible death one would not expect from a k-on story.
Please update soon! Meanwhile I'm going to loop Listen because, girl, you really brought the sexiness of that song to a whole different level.
| animefanficsearcher chapter 11 . 8/23/2012
i absolutely love you for writing this! i wish i found it sooner, either way thank you for writing this.
| 2takuya chapter 11 . 8/21/2012
Ok, I think I fell in love, I really do. This story is amazing, and I was trying so hard not to cry or something at some parts, cause everyone else was asleep, and it was really late(or maybe early?) and that just made it all the harder... but anyways, I hope you continue the story, cause it's an amazing one!
| Guest chapter 11 . 7/16/2012
Really enjoy the story, and would like to see how Ritsu copes with the fact she defiled Azusa.
| loyal fan chapter 10 . 7/15/2012
I was listening to my k-on songs today and I immediately thought of Spiral when I heard Tokimeki Sugar and in particular the concert bit in this chapter. Hearing it makes me feel so nostalgic and reminds me how much I love this story. Please update as soon as you can :')
| Netherdrake chapter 8 . 7/9/2012
err im very confused here... but im gonna say, this story is awesome D
| Guest chapter 5 . 7/5/2012
oh my gawd its ui! thanks!
| imuffinator chapter 1 . 6/2/2012
From the moment that I discovered this story when preparing for my physics exam last month...I was just surprised.I had been falling in love with the show K-ON and all of the characters at the time, but this story just managed to reinforce it all. I love the way that you describe each scene because I can feel the tension and emotions of each character. I do not mind waiting for any future updates because this story is worth waiting for. You have inspired me to learn to play K-ON songs and write my own fanfictions (Which is saying something since your other work "No,Thank You" has also added to the inspiration and I am usually not easily inspired). I completely admire what it is that you are writing and I am anxiously waiting to find out what will happen next in this amazing story! You have truly blown me away with your style of writing.
| ookami desu chapter 11 . 5/23/2012
I love your writing. It stirred something in me. And now, I feel it sinful if I do not write a K-ON story myself.
| bcbb1d5d chapter 11 . 5/21/2012
Wooahh! You write like God! Ooh, really, the story line is so complicate but you do it so easy to understand, and so interesting!
Wahhh, yes... This is so amazing
I love your work
Have a nice day! (ｰ)ノ
| InsertCatchphrase chapter 1 . 4/28/2012
Ritsu is probably the character we really know the most about, and to a degree she feels like a walking contradiction. She manages to be both playful and vindictive at the same time. Both cheerful and mournful. Both open and secretive. It can be really hard to tell what is a facade and what is real with her, which makes her really interesting. I think that it's hard to really judge her character before she's really opened up, and that hasn't quite happened yet.
Yui, despite being the main focus of HTT, we really don't have that much information on, like Tsumugi. It feels like her cold exterior has touched her interior in some ways, yet now that she's with Azusa, somebody that she can fully love and who can fully love her back, that exterior is slowly fading into the kind of Yui that we know from canon- an empathetic girl who really cares about her friends and doesn't want any harm to come to them. We also know that the dark exterior really exists both as a result of pain (over what pain exactly we can't be sure- it may be primarily over Ui's illness, but she was already starting to implode after her stepfather's death) and guilt, which she tries to drown out through anti-depressants. That's about it for now. Like Ritsu, pretty well constructed, but we'll have to see more from sure before I can really come to a concrete judgment.
Azusa rounds out our cast. She comes from a rather formal background; one that she partially accepted, but more out of necessity than anything. It was just all she knew. She felt extremely powerless and out of place, with her own life being completely out of her control.
Hence, when she saw HTT, people who seemed so passionate and able to drive their own lives, she became enthralled. And of course, that hero-worship turned into shock once she found out what they were really like. But due to pressure from the others (led on by Yui), she was forced to stick around, and she began to really feel for these people. She seems to have, in a way, found them a bit like her- lost and needing somebody to help fix them. And thus, she has turned that into her goal and purpose, with also having fallen in love with Yui; a girl who has the passion that she had always missed from her own life, and yet has something very important missing in her, just like Azusa.
She's a fantastic protagonist, and you did a great job with her characterization. She feels deep, she feels human, and she's really fascinating to follow. My only real complaint regarding her is that it feels like she kind of slips into the HTT routine a bit too easily. Despite her "go with the flow" lifestyle and ambivalence (if not slight distaste) for her conservative household, it is all she knows. And this new hedonistic lesbian harem that is the relationships that HTT have with each other should just be something that she truly can't handle at first. But overall, it isn't enough to disrupt my enjoyment of her character all that much.
The romance between all of the character is quite interesting and believable, with one exception that I'll get to later. Overall, I feel for all the parties involved- I can buy the way that they would all fall in love with each other; out of jealousy, necessity, or just pure romantic adoration. At times it's cute, at times it's a bit eerie, but most of all: it feels thoroughly human.
The only exception is Yui and Azusa's relationship. It just feels like it happens way too fast, with not enough actual buildup. There's some moments of passion, and then they're suddenly in love, even if they don't realize it at first. It feels artificial to me, which makes it incredibly out of place with all these other complex relationships.
Now, finally, onto the technical writing aspect of the story.
Your writing is pretty good. You don't have many typos, which is a rarity in fanfiction writing. Your word choice is usually effective, though you have a tendency to lean towards purple prose (I've always hated the usage of "orbs" instead of "eyes". It just feels pretentious to me). That usage of purple prose can at times make the writing seem a bit more melodramatic than necessary, which is really harmful given the plot. The descriptions are relatively effective- I can typically visualize the scenes quite well, although they were a bit more vivid in the beginning, before the story took a form. Now it feels more like they're put in out of necessity than anything else- simply more basic and bare. You overall have a good grasp of how people talk, and your dialogue is well spoken and well structured- the people don't feel robotic at all when they speak.
On a whole, despite a couple minor complaints, the writing is extremely solid.
That's pretty much this story as a whole- it has its flaws, but it is a multilayered and thoroughly enjoyable experience, and I'm excited to see what direction it takes next.
| InsertCatchphrase chapter 11 . 4/28/2012
... Spiral. Oh, Spiral. How am I going to deal with you? The thing is, that this story is just far too much to be dealt with in one 10000 character review. It's not so much the length as it is the complexity; I'll get into that in a moment. There's so much that one needs to talk about when reviewing this story, that it doesn't feel like 10000 characters is adequate. Unfortunately, and it feels like spamming, I'll probably have to split this one up into two parts. Hopefully that's all.
The plot of Spiral is... well, I'm not sure where to begin here. And there emerges its first problem- in my opinion, there's just far too much to it. You had various fascinating ideas, but you decided to jam them all into one fanfic, and by the end it's just become profoundly chaotic. I mean, we have the current relationships between HTT, the past relationships between HTT, Azusa trying to fix everything, the conflict between Azusa's conservative parents and the lifestyle she is shaping for herself, the competitions for the new bandmate, Jun's father attempting to get rid of Azusa so that Jun can get into the band, Ui's disease and Yui desperately trying to take care of her... the amount of subplots in this story is simply staggering.
It makes it rather difficult to really keep track of who is what and all that is going on at some points, because everything is moving so incredibly fast. It would probably be one thing if there were clear breaks in the action for each, or if each chapter was devoted to a different subplot.
Yet, with them all occurring simultaneously and all getting some degree of coverage in each (or every other) chapter, it can just make your head hurt trying to keep your mind on the nuances of each plot. And yet you have to, particularly when it comes to the plot points that are key to the story. It just feels like there should be... some sense of balance here that there isn't.
As for the plots themselves... let's go over them now. We'll start simple and work our way up. The whole "get rid of Azusa" plot is, in my opinion, relatively unnecessary. It fits with the story superficially, but it just feels like it adds another layer that simply doesn't need to be there. It does allow certain events to occur, which is nice, but they aren't events that could ONLY have occurred as a result of this particular storyline. To a large degree, it just seems superfluous.
Ui's disease is a rather interesting little plot point that just hasn't gone anywhere yet, so I don't feel like I can really say much about it. I'll just say that I'm interested in learning more. You did a good job with the build-up though, mentioning both Ui and Nanako a few times, and implying that something is wrong with Ui, but never explicitly stating what it was.
The utterly unnecessary "personality contests" are rather interesting, and they do flow with the story extremely well. The way that you have divided each story so that it to some degree focuses on the character in question, before the contest itself arrives, is a nice little gimmick. My main complaint in this regard is that at times, it feels a bit uneven. For instance, it felt like we learned a lot more about Tsumugi than we did about Mio prior to their contests respectively. Of course, the story's letting on that we know far less about Tsumugi than it initially appeared anyway.
The situation with Azusa's family could be a bit more emphasized than it is. I'll discuss this later when I go over Azusa's character, but this conflict between her conservative upbringing and the hedonistic nature of HTT really should be emphasized a bit more than it was. Until things suddenly came to a head in the latest chapter, it just felt like the whole thing was brushed aside, which really made the confrontation more jarring than anything.
Now, to the main plots of the story. These are structured relatively well, the memories pretty well interspliced with the rest of the story. The new dynamic between all these characters is quite fascinating, if completely wretched to watch.
You really do feel for all of them adn the horrible situation that they've been thrown into, even though it's gotten to the point that they can't help themselves. The flashbacks to better, far more innocent times, only increases the pain and strengthens the juxtaposition between the characters that we know, and the characters in this AU.
It really is interesting to see the twisted interplay between lust, love, and friendship continually intermingle here. The way that all the band members have retreated to lust, now that their friendship has fallen apart and their hearts have been torn to pieces is fascinating. It really does feel like the way people would interact, if taken to an extreme level. In essence, what you've done is just take the tone and universe of K-On and turn it on its head. Quite an interesting idea on a whole.
Now, my first real complaint. It feels like the hedonistic relationship between the group devolves into the despair and pain that is really there a bit too fast for me. It just doesn't feel that realistic. People change their attitudes, but they typically don't change THAT quickly. It feels like this is something that could have used buildup, and not just occurred all of a sudden once the plot revs up.
Another problem is just the fact that I can't really imagine them disintegrating that fast the moment Azusa enters the equation. They appear to have just become so reliant on this lifestyle that for it to give way that easily seems fake to me. I can see Azusa being able to work with them and help them overcome their difficulties eventually; it just feels like the progress should have been slower than it ended up being.
The final real problem I have with the plot is that, in essence, it felt like the same theme was being repeated over and over again. I think what you wanted to do was emphasize how dysfunctional the relationships in HTT are, but I personally believe you did it for a bit too long. In the end, it just ended up being them being cruel to each other, with the same point being established over and over again, which turned legitimately good drama into slight melodrama. Hyper-dramatized events aren't necessarily bad, but when it feels like you're repeating them without need and after you have established the purpose, you just start to cross the line.
Aside from those factors? I think the plot is quite good. You took a base idea and executed it in a really interesting way. The buildup it did go through was well done, even if I feel like there should have been more, and on a whole there isn't THAT much to complain about on that front.
Now then, onto the characters.
As with the plot points, let's start small and work our way up. Evil Executive basically has no personality aside from being an Evil Executive. It just feels like he was created so that there could be a human presence to fight against later, and really... it just feels a bit artificial to me. Sawako doesn't really have much of anything to her, and I would like a bit more screentime from her to see how exactly she ticks. It feels like she was there, and then forgotten by the writer after a while. Azusa's parents are also not really there- they exist to create conflict, and that is essentially all they do. There doesn't seem to really be three dimensions to them, though I suppose that not all characters need to be 3D.
Now, let's move on to the more fleshed out members of the cast. Jun is one of the more interesting people in the story. She's really, aside from Azusa, the most superficially sympathetic. She just is truly a nice, good person. She doesn't let her mild fame get to her head, and clearly does care about others. She was happy to make friends with Azusa, despite everybody else's distaste for her, and desperately wants to protect her against all the forces that she doesn't know about, and can't claim to understand. She's quite likable, and you did a really good job at making her; she feels really human.
Tsumugi is a really interesting character. It really feels like you know a lot about her, and yet you don't at the exact same time. She comes across as such as genuinely kind and sincere person, and even with the slightly sultry side to her, it never feels like it is more than the rest of the group's influence on the girl. The memories seem to match this overall- just a doe-eyed innocent who really wants to help her friends.
But then, when you really think about it, she has been absent through a good chunk of the story. She's really been on the sidelines a lot of the time, either just not having much of a presence, or not in the scene for whatever reason. The fact that at the end of Chapter 10 she seemed to be out and out implying that her goal was now to completely break everybody else psychologically in order to get the violent cycle to stop, instead of actually trying to heal them, really emphasizes how little the audience actually knows the girl. Overall, quite well constructed.
Mio is also interesting, but feels somewhat simplistic. Despite the aggressive exterior that she lays out, she is still really the shy girl on the inside, which she tries to hide as a result of her shame and her broken heart. In essence, that's really it. I kind of wish there was more about her to learn, simply because on a whole, the rest of the characters just seem to outshine her when it comes to complexity thus far. Maybe there's more to her we just don't know about yet, though.