Reviews for Butterfly Lungs
Blue Leaf Green chapter 1 . 5/2
Mm. The way you wrote the story, conveyed the feeling of disorientation by the character. As far as I can see, the girl was dreaming at: 18:01, 2:30, 7:20, 00:01. These times all manifest after your capital X, could that be showing the start of the hallucinations/dreams caused by the hypno Boris?
You said that "He ate something else". Since this is not food, I'm assuming it's not something physical, therefore, does he eat dreams? As in, using the move Dream Eater after Hypnosis or the girl falling asleep?
And since at 18:01, the girl knew it was a dream and "the city bleeds away in monochrome and the sidewalk vanishes" could be saying that Boris used Dream Eater on her?
The Hypnosis feeling familiar on the girl, could also be hinting that Boris in fact did use Hypnosis on her before?
Also, for some reason, Hypno could be named after the move Hypnosis? and especially since Hypno own the pendulum thingie that is used for Hypnosis
This was quite confusing in my opinion, due to what you wanted to write, but could I have some clarification, cause I honestly don't understand what Hypno wanted to do, in the big picture.
You write awesome stories
ImpossiblyWeird chapter 1 . 1/19/2015
That... was creepy. Like many others, I thought Boris was a Pikachu. I only realized it was a Hypno when you mentioned eating. I will never put a Hypno on my team. You made it seem so evil and sadistic. Though I guess it had to eat something. What happened to the train though? Was it part of the dream, or did it sink? Very horrific story though.
public enemy no. 5 chapter 1 . 8/12/2014
holy shit. i am thoroughly creeped out.
Guest chapter 1 . 8/19/2012
I don't get it
seaofsound chapter 1 . 7/21/2012
That was...so creepy. I have no other words to describe it. I quite like the style in which it's written, what with the time. Although the time skips were very confusing, I was thoroughly engrossed until the very end. Hypnos do seem like the murderous type. At the beginning I thought Boris was a Pikachu, heh. Hard to imagine an old wrinkly one, but I digress. This got me interested in reading more Pokemon horror fanfics.
ineedanewhandle chapter 1 . 4/10/2012
A thoughtful, unsettling concept, but I just could not get drawn into it. The bulk of the narrative was directionless and mundane; the stream-of-consciousness achieves the psychological, disjointed or even nonlucid effect you seem to be aiming for here, but the lack of grounding (even towards the middle) fails to make me care in contrast to your fanfic based on canon characters. The ideas expressed in this LJ post about the inherent differences between original fic and fanfic (not mine: . ) come to mind here although it's more relevant in some places than others, for example your character-building (or lack of). I admit I only skimmed this fic, but I only got an image of what the MC was instead of who she was.

Above all, the fic seems experimental and that's completely okay. It didn't resonate with me on a larger level but the 'reveal' was chilling and well-done for what lead up to it.
great gospel chapter 1 . 1/1/2012
I can't even. I hate you, Ibu. Gahhh, you freaked me out so bad. T.T There's no hope of me getting out of bed now. Thanks.

...Anyway, obviously this had to be brilliantly written to provoke such a reaction. (That and I tend to be a wuss.) And it was written by you, so it's a given.

Sora
Drifts chapter 1 . 12/29/2011
The imagery in this is simply beautiful. I could see and feel everything as I read along!

To be honest, I thought Bruno was a Pikachu until the end.. oh well. A nice surprise. It ties everything together nicely.
anon chapter 1 . 7/7/2011
i've always had an uncanny feeling about hypno...

otherwise, this is dreadfully awesome. poor picnicker girl.
TheAravis chapter 1 . 5/13/2011
Well, there go my chances of ever training a Hypno. P

Great story. :) Won't be getting any sleep tonight, though.
aestheticisms chapter 1 . 1/1/2011
*blink*

So, um. What just happened? I noticed the time wasn't always chronological and it changed from military to 12hr format.

I feel dizzy. This further cemented my fear of Hypno. Dream eater...brrrr.

Oh, I loved this, though.
Farla chapter 1 . 10/31/2010
[It's going to be the bravest trip of my life ]

Your word choice feels off in a number of places - scariest would fit here, but not bravest, or something like "going on this trip would be the bravest thing I've done".

[He's dependable, and probably still lingering with sadness and depression; I can tell by the emotionless gaze reflected in his narrowed eyes. ]

Similarly, emotionless doesn't work well if you mean he's depressed. "Dull" gets across a similar idea without sounding contradictory.

[my father is nowhere in compels ]

Nowhere in sight, I think.

Anyway, this is certainly quite creepy, the only thing I find confusing is what kicks it off and how she ends up in the lake.
Snoaz chapter 1 . 10/18/2010
Though this is utterly creepy, I cannot help but love it; it's intriguing, gripping, and very well done. I admire you for the originality of the story, and though you've heard me saying this all before, I don't mind repeating it. A good story deserves to be told twice. :)

~Snoaz
manhattan martini chapter 1 . 10/9/2010
Holy shit. I didn't get anything but when I reached the end I just stood in my chair just, just staring at the screen. What does that mean? Does it mean that her mother also shared the time-skipping tendency, or does it mean that it was Boris' influence over them both (with the smile/claws and Hypnosis, I'm taking it was a psychic, humanoid pokémon, maybe a drowsee or a hypno?)

I bet it was Boris the one screwing over their minds. I JUST KNOW IT. I mean what kind of name is that? The name of a killer/loony/psychic pokémon gone mad.

Anyway, I loved this. You should write more horror. :D
tinfoilman4 chapter 1 . 10/8/2010
Very well written. I love being totally confused up until the very end until everything is revealed (or at least hinted at), which makes me go back and reread passages and they just become that much better. Your diction is pleasant and enjoyable, and, aside from a few small keyboard fumbles, it was structurally sound as well.

One example I can point out is the first two sentences:

"It is 7:20. This is a new watch..."

The way you have it written implies that 7:20 is a watch. I know, no one would view those sentences as such, but they still are technically lacking. Perhaps:

"It is 7:20, according to the new watch my mother gave me..."

Or something in that vein. Just keep an eye on your antecedents, I guess.

Otherwise, a fabulous, haunting read. I've started reading more and more from the horror genre, and stories like this one are the reason why.

- tinfoilman
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