|Reviews for The Long Journey|
| Aria of Time chapter 11 . 4/21
Such a beautiful dream... even though it was faelnirv and saké induced. Very nice piece of art, all the same. It felt so real I could see it.
| Wicken25 chapter 14 . 3/26
Awesome...if one of them is Sakura and she punches him across a clearing ...the elf women will love her!
| austin.t.shelley chapter 11 . 3/23
Omg so much emotion keep going its getting good.
| freetobe16 chapter 14 . 3/16
UPDATE NOW!...please...with a cherry on top...
| Ciel Moony chapter 14 . 3/4
Nice! Loving this. Love the character development. Hope you can update soon
| i like cheese chapter 1 . 1/27
well, you've got plenty of grammar mistakes, but not as bad as some stories on ffnet.
still, something you should endeavor to fix.
as for the first chapter, well, i wasn't too impressed with it honestly.
one moment naruto is proclaiming that he's a wanderer/explorer with no ties or interest to the local conflicts, and not several paragraphs later he reveals his status as an assassin, demands to prove himself against the army, and just in general completely involves himself in the local goings on. completely contradicting himself.
there's no way they'd let an assassin fight along side them. not without knowing him and his capabilities first. after all, they're under the assumption that he is an assassin in the style of Alagaësia. not a ninja from the elemental nations. very different things, who are for all effects and purposes more like a special kind of soldier.
still, overall i suppose it's an okay start. plenty of room for improvement though.
| reviewer chapter 14 . 1/27
| Guest chapter 8 . 1/24
Man, these chapters need major editing.
| lou2003us chapter 14 . 1/24
I really want to see what happens next!
Looking forward to next chapter!
Keep up the great work.
| Artful Lounger chapter 3 . 1/14
Well, for Eragon's sake I hope he never breaks that wall in his neck. If he does it will probably kill him as his body tears itself apart.
Small gripe. Naruto says Konoha translates to 'land of fire' and that's completely wrong. Konoha means 'leaf' and it's short for 'Konohagakure' which translates to 'the village hidden in the leaves'. The land of fire is 'Hi no Kuni'.
| Artful Lounger chapter 2 . 1/13
Right, I won't lie. I did not like this chapter at all. The whole thing with Naruto 'awakening' chakra in Eragon is ridiculous for a couple of reasons. Most of them being the different ways that what he did should have done irreparable harm to him. You said that Naruto opened two of the Eight Gates inside of Eragon? In Naruto, opening the FIRST Gate was considered a Forbidden Technique due to how dangerous it was. It released the body's restraints on the muscles- restraints that are there to keep the human body from ripping itself apart. The Second Gate pushed the body even further. You should have seen the fight between Lee and Gaara, and you saw the kind of damage Lee did to himself. Forcing someone past their natural limits like that isn't training, it's doing great harm to all of his muscles and tendons.
And then Naruto tops it off with what I'm guessing is a Soldier Pill. Enough energy to fight for three days and three nights without a break. In exchange for certain dangerous side effects once the effects pass. I might be wrong, and that isn't what Naruto gave him, but it was then it was stupid and dangerous.
The teaching via using him as a target dummy method is understandable, if brutal, but the whole chakra thing sounds forced and when you consider Naruto canon it should have been extremely dangerous and potentially long term or lethal consequences.
Beating Arya is nothing special, that's expected.
Overall, kind of tentative about going forward. It's your story and what happens there is your business, but I'm just hoping that there isn't any more of this kind of nonsense.
| strabimonx chapter 14 . 12/30/2014
Nice next chapter please
| Alyss Penedo chapter 1 . 12/19/2014
...Who in the seven hells is "Murgath"?
| Lord Sigfry chapter 11 . 12/16/2014
Skipped this chapter.
| Lord Sigfry chapter 4 . 12/16/2014
I forgot last chapter but you are consistently getting Murtagh's name wrong.