|Reviews for Snapped?|
| Mark Owens chapter 9 . 8/13/2014
Can't wait for snapped to continue the depth the author Zuzanny puts into the many emotions of the characters and the intriguing story lines has Zuzanny as my find of the year congrations Zuzanny
| Mark Owens chapter 8 . 8/12/2014
Beautifully written beeautifully constructed masterpiece in story wrighting
| Mark Owens chapter 7 . 8/9/2014
Getting more more interesting loving this congratulations to this very very talented writer Zuzanny
| Mark Owens chapter 6 . 8/9/2014
Starting to really intrigue love Zuzanny imagination talented and well constructed and superbly written
| Mark owes chapter 5 . 8/9/2014
Great chapter I found it to be very dark and imposing in one way but had me captavated to keep reading on
| Mark Owens chapter 4 . 8/6/2014
Very descriptive and well constructed chapter great story line
| Mark owens chapter 3 . 8/5/2014
Very very intriguing what a great piece of wrighting and what an exquisite talent you are Zuzanny
| Mark Owens chapter 2 . 8/4/2014
Wow wow wow what an enchanting mysterious chapter Zuzanny your story wrighting talent
| Mark Owens chapter 1 . 7/2/2014
Wow wow wow you left this one on a cliff hanger we all feel at times just like Subaru to be unseen caught up in the pace of a modern world
| reminiscent-afterthought chapter 8 . 7/24/2012
Sorry, forgot something. Format - I'd recommend formatting TBC and chap. titles somehow, whether using page dividers or italics/bold/underline or something. Makes it easier to read, especially when reading late at night or in a rush. The same format somewhat meshes the things together so it takes an extra few seconds to realise that's not in fact a part of the chapter and that sometimes, depending on the ending, prompts a reread for the wrong reason.
| reminiscent-afterthought chapter 9 . 7/24/2012
Okay, since i'm too tired to review each chapter individually, I'll just give the general comments.
1. Your dialogue structure. Eg. ["What are those?" He very deliberately asked,] - the he should be lowercased. You've done that quite often in previous chapters as well, so it's a recurring thing.
2. Names - there are some cases where you seem to be forgoing pronouns; with only three characters or two in most scenes, it's relatively easy to follow without them, so it becomes unnecessary.
3. Subaru's emotions - seem a little over the top for the fact that he was 25. He came out rather more controlled. The first scene was okay because that was the "shock" thing, but following that with Seishiro, he seems still a little overemotional. It's the morning after - something should have changed. And I think you're being too frank with that relationship. A little less talk and more show preferably.
I absolutely /love/ that scene with Subaru attempting to gauge his eye out. And it's so sweet that he gets to be a zoo-keeper after all. I didn't really get Hokuto this chapter, but we'll see in later chapters. I'm surprised Subaru didn't defend her; he never says anything against her even after finding out about that spell, particularly when she enters his mind in the anime to bring him out of the catatonic state.
4. Descriptions - some parts get a tad tedious. Longer stretched out fics like this normally go for a better balance. Some of the descriptions are better suited for drabbles and oneshots. Mixing with dialogue especially disrupts the balance a little.
There were a few spelling errors earlier, but I can't remember them now.
[all the text book] - textbooks in plural and typically without spaces.
[/Hokuto thinks Seishirou-san and I were!/ ] - there should be a dash before the exclamation mark to show the interruption.
5. Some floating capitals where they don't really belong. Eg. [anguish in His eyes ]
6. What age are they? The initial chaptesr suggest he's 16 (alter that is, he's 25 or so) but then the later one suggests he just graduated with post graduate diploma...who the heck does diplomas in post grad? Must be a non-Melb thing - we do diplomas ugrad only and hardly ever if we're going on to masters or PhDs). Anyway, that would...oh no, 25's reasonable there. But yeah, which one is he? And isn't Tokyo still homophobic of sorts (in that time era I mean)? The nurses were rather accepting. My context is a little skewered here.
| Adjeng Rezpector DOEVAL chapter 9 . 3/21/2012
I like it...give some happiness to Subaru is the best!keep on posting please!
| NyanNaia chapter 8 . 10/25/2011
:) I have a grin on my face right now. I'm glad someone is still writing about these two in this fandom. Keep up the good work and cannot wait until the next installment.
| The Windmill of the Sun chapter 7 . 8/6/2011
The last line made me LOL so much :))
| The Windmill of the Sun chapter 6 . 5/30/2011
I love how you wrote Subaru! Especially that kiss with Seishirou~ I'm definitely reading more when you update!