|Reviews for The Gran Pulse Sage|
| ARSLOTHES chapter 11 . 6/1
really good story, looking forward to the next chapter
| foxKey chapter 8 . 3/7
Depending on the length of the chapter or if there are timeskips then it's possible for him to get a lot stronger in 1-3 chapters.
| Drygannon chapter 2 . 9/22/2014
I know is probably too late, but I think Naruto should summon Doomtrain just for the heck of it
| animenaruto46 chapter 11 . 8/4/2014
Yea I can't image itachi actually riding a vehicle
| Darkus Cyril chapter 11 . 7/26/2014
Very interesting story, update this soon
| Dquinnicus chapter 11 . 7/16/2014
Hey, whatever happened to chocobo chick Naru-clone?
| Dquinnicus chapter 5 . 7/15/2014
I'm against Sasuke being in this fic. I mean, how would he even get to Cocoon? Sure, the resurrected Madara might send Sasuke after Naruto to capture him, but Duckbutt-chan never really trusted Obito or Madara, so I'd find it hard to believe if Sasuke popped up.
| xbamsod chapter 11 . 4/23/2014
I really like this story. It's interesting and I like your writing style. It's been over a year since the last update so I hope that you will have something out soon.
| Alwendil chapter 4 . 4/8/2014
Much of this review is based on my philosophy of fan fiction, especially in regards to crossovers. I feel they should be done with a certain finesse and impact that's lacking here.
First, I dislike multiple character crossovers because it divides focus too much. It's difficult to balance interactions from multiple characters from different worlds, and it takes a significant amount of skill to pull off. If you pull too many over it feels like you're either supplanting the canon heroes or transplanting a conflict that really has no place in the crossover. I'd organize crossovers into two parts: major and minor. Major is where it takes place, minor encompasses transplanted elements from another story. I don't know if you ever wandered into that territory, but be wary of making the minor overshadow the major.
Stemming from that, being dropped into another world should have a greater effect on the characters, especially when you initiate a crossover in this manner. Naruto should be absolutely furious for quite some time, and both he and Konan should ask more questions. They should be confused, wondering what is happening why it's happening, and so on. Naruto would be quick to draw parallels with his own experiences, but I feel Konan would actually want to know much more, both for her own sake and for Naruto.
A greater problem than that is the feeling that there is no impact. Simply writing the story as "Final Fantasy XIII, now with extra Naruto!" is creatively deficient. Every canon plot point you hit note for note, every copy-pasted dialogue, is a strike against your story. Make Naruto's very presence change things, his comments redirect the flow of conversation, his actions alter canon. It's important to make him on equal footing with the characters, not a sidekick along for the ride, but it's equally important to ensure he's not a domineering power forcing changes and overshadowing other characters. This means having to take the time to make plausible changes to the story, and carefully work out how interactions would happen and how it would change things.
You didn't just skimp on all this, you completely avoided doing any of it. Quality fan fiction this certainly is not, as a crossover that can stand on its own merits needs to have at least some of those crossover elements. I'm sure plenty of people find it fun, and if you find it fun to write, more power to you. But that doesn't make it an interesting, creative, or intelligent story.
Another structural problem is that you did video game fanfiction wrong. Yes I said wrong. There are two ways to do it: completely embrace video game elements, or completely excise them.
It's fine to explicitly use gameplay elements when the intent is to write a story that imitates a video game. I've only ever seen this work in humorous stories, poking fun at how nonsensical gameplay is form a story perspective, and from the perspective of the characters taking part. I guess you could play it straight, but I've never seen it work.
When the point is to write a serious story you have to integrate the gameplay elements, not just shove them together and call it good. Naming the magics "Blizzard" and whatnot is a convention to make playing convenient, not representative of how the ability actually works. Why would they know all that? Sure they gained new surprising powers, but they should have to discover how to use them and perfect them, not just magically know how to use the power and what it is called. This is even more true with "haste" and "libra". The point is to translate these conventions in a creative way that renders them recognizable but clearly separated from the gameplay conventions.
This last point is a personal preference of mine that I WON'T hold against you, and that's making Naruto a L'Cie.
This is problematic because, with powers from Naruto (manga), Naruto (character) is already powerful enough to handle himself in FFXIII. The only reason to give him new powers would be to construct a didactic arc, where Naruto must learn to use his new power. The problem here is that you had the opportunity to do that with the Rinnegan, and then blew it by making Naruto learn it impossibly quickly. If you made him even comparable to Nagato in its use, you made Naruto too powerful. It took Nagato over 20 years to reach his level of proficiency, if Naruto can manage it in weeks you have a problem.
As well, it cheapens Naruto's joining with the characters, as he's part of their cohort. If he were separate, not branded as a L'Cie, but identified with their plight due to Kyuubi his character would be stronger. Helping those in dire need is characteristic of Naruto anyway, so you didn't need to include a reason for him to do that. Having him separate from them could cause interesting character tension further down the line, especially as the group starts seeing far more Cie'th.
I'm guessing making him a L'Cie was part of the challenge, but you really shouldn't feel bound by that. Use it as a springboard for your own ideas.
Now, this isn't a BAD fanfiction by any means, it's just decidedly not-quality and mediocre. I couldn't find a single critical review, so I felt compelled to address all of my criticisms at once. Even for a story that is great, there needs to a Devil's Advocate with a critical eye.
| WalkersCrown chapter 8 . 3/26/2014
Hmmm your right... Mostly. The overpowered fics piss me off too and harems are really boring now... I don't like sasuke but I think some of the bashing is really to far out. If you have a favorite pairing by all means write about it, so I have no problems there. Oh and those invest pairings let's not get me started on those oh and the high levels of yaoi just because characters are close friends... Anyways, I hope u update soon this is Good stuff.
| Googlemo chapter 4 . 2/5/2014
yeah SasukeFAG! pairing is good, I wanna to see Sasuke die from AIDS which he got from being banged so much in the ass by orochimaru.
| Googlemo chapter 2 . 2/5/2014
You will burn in hell for Konan x Sazh.
This should be Lighting x Naruto x Konan
| Googlemo chapter 1 . 2/5/2014
wow, this is promising.
| priceless22 chapter 11 . 1/17/2014
This is a great story and don't forget light owes naruto something for killing more creatures.
| Hakazu chapter 11 . 11/30/2013
Very interesting story, looking forward to another chapter.