|Reviews for Moonlight Star|
| JemDragon84 chapter 4 . 6/29/2014
You need to use more commas and semicolons not dashes.
Also "I get about passed out", should be "I Just about passed out."
You need to add a little more details into the story. Like relationship information, thoughts, descriptions etc. Like a description of the family she is with, her location, was she able to bring anything with her or was she sent from the house with nothing but the cloths on her back? Was Serena breaking into tears, wailing etc.
You have a good storyline you just need to...touch it up a bit, to give it more shine.
| JemDragon84 chapter 1 . 6/29/2014
If this song is not yours you need to put a disclaimer on it. Just a friendly warning.
| JemDragon84 chapter 3 . 6/29/2014
You have a good start for the story but there are some questions. The song in the first chapter: did you write it?
Also there are a few sentence errors that should be fixed. Such as "Why won't you think she was here" should read "why Would you think she was here"
And "She's not asking" should be "She's not Answering"
"Hasn't you tried all the communicators" should be "Haven't you tried the communicator"
And "fight about her by the leader" should be "fight about her Being the leader"
Also Mrs. Tsukino should mention that throwing her out was too much as opposed to just grounding her. Emphasize on the dangers of being out on the street, etc.
I hope that helps.
| nick chapter 1 . 5/4/2014
Here are my five questions. 1. I saw the summary. But was there more to the plot? 2. When did it take place? Be specific. 3. What locations were used in the fanfic? 4. Who all was in the fanfic? 5. How old was everyone that was in it? Be sure to send me a wire.
| 012345679 chapter 18 . 2/7/2014
THAT FOOL! HOW DARE HE TREAT SM THAT WAY AND KIDNAP HER!
| Official Sailor Earth chapter 15 . 9/14/2013
The mercury thing and Venus things comes from Wind Club right?
| Mary chapter 11 . 7/7/2013
I think you need to change it to where it takes Serena longer to forgive everyone it just doesn't seem real how she forgave everyone so quickly and how they wanted to be her friends again.
| Shelley chapter 27 . 4/14/2013
It was a good story but a few things:
What happened to Rini?
Why was Hotaru the same age as Rini?
You had so many spelling mistakes. Some of the mistakes were probably due to auto-correct but then there were words that were just misspelled and words left out. It made me wonder if you even proofread it.
The lyrics and pov's were too much. With the lyrics, you don't need to use the whole song. A verse and chorus is enough. I see this with so many stories. If you took out the lyrics, there was not much there.
Other than that, yes I enjoyed the story.
| I read I review chapter 11 . 12/20/2012
Good summary ,bad much song lyric ,less !
| rosetta17 chapter 22 . 11/6/2012
Scott pilgrim much! :D
| Someone chapter 13 . 8/27/2012
Chapter 12 is just like from winx club! Like Amy is tecna Mina is like stella and rei is like musa!
| Guest chapter 14 . 6/27/2012
I was a little confused with this chapter...
| Guest chapter 13 . 6/27/2012
Totally didn't expect that! That was a twist in events!
| Odd Eyed chapter 26 . 6/9/2012
you forgot to mention in the song list: "Still Doll" by Kanon Wakeshima
| nickybluejess chapter 26 . 6/4/2012
Great story, to sad it's over. )