|Reviews for Just Slow Down|
| AlithiaSigma chapter 1 . 6/10/2014
Cool. Tina doesn't even seem like an OC.
I'm trying to imagine Question being called Uncle Vic by the kids. I mean, he would have to eventually let people use his first name, but it still seems strange.
| J.F.C chapter 1 . 9/4/2013
First time I read a story with a female Flash, has there ever being any in the comics? Anyways, you should definitely consider developing this story more. It actually made me feel like it was just the beginning of an awesome story rather than just a one-shot. In others words, it felt like it was still unfinished. Maybe you could continue this idea by combining it with Young Justice?
Anyways, about your OC...I didn't have any problems with her. She does sounds like a daughter that Flash might have had. Flash does sounds a bit to serious to be him, but that could be accepted with him now been a father, especially a father of a girl...for some reason most fathers tend to get overprotective of their little girls.
Anything else, like grammar and stuff were awesomely made.
| Wildcard999 chapter 1 . 12/18/2012
Weird. I swear I've read this before, but I don't see my review anywhere.
/That's what Daddy said today when we were testing how quickly I could run a three-hundred-mile course in the Australian Outback, and I overshot the finish line by at least fifty yards before I dampened my body's connection with the Speed Force./
That's a real mouthful. Did you write it this way to show her age? This could've been broken up into smaller sentences to make it easier to read like:
That's what Daddy said today when we were testing how quickly I could run a three-hundred-mile course and I overshot the finish line. I'd covered at least fifty yards of Australian Outback before I dampened my body's connection with the Speed Force.
I notice you did this in the second part, so that's good. It's much easier to read.
/Stay away from Alice Springs and a few other inland cities, and you're not likely to run into anybody in the first place.../
A first place suggests there's already a second place, but I don't see one. 'In the first place' is used when you present things out of order.
/"There you want to ease the pedal down so that the car gradually slows until it comes to a standstill at a spot you selected well before you got there—such as a stop sign./
That sounds very...specific and intellectual for Flash. This is supposed to be Wally, right? I mean, I might buy it if it was the JSA's Flash, but not JLA's Flash.
/ Trying to screech to a dead halt in a split-second would be hard on the brakes, hard on your neck, hard on the tires . . . but all that only applies when you're worried about friction and inertia and whiplash./
I've never known him to get carried away explaining what would happen in his examples. In fact, he's the one that sums up the gist of what other people's examples mean. He's the guy that always asks 'where is this going?' when something goes on too long. The longest comparison I've ever heard him make took a single sentence to explain. A short one, in fact.
/...then stopped all of an instant./
IN all of an instant. Without in, he stopped time, not himself.
/"Like I said! Wait until your leading foot is already touching the spot where you want to stay put, and suddenly tell your body to slow down. /
'Suddenly' doesn't really work for me here. Maybe immediately? I don't know that you need it, but I think immediately works better. It's not like she's trying to surprise her own body.
/About twenty seconds later and three hundred miles away, I only overshot the mark by sixteen feet before stopping./
I don't see 'Daddy' moving anywhere. So how can she be three hundred miles away from the first finish line and still hear him?
/Or an evil mastermind could find a way to suppress your powers so you [were] brought all the way down to his level in a hurry./
Were sounds weird there. For some reason, my brain keeps saying it should be are. Should this part really be in past tense? It's dialogue, so it doesn't have to match tense with the narration.
/...and the best answer involves lots of training for worst-case scenarios so your mind and body will know what to do when the real emergency comes along!"/
This part feels over-explainy for Diana, even as a motherly figure, but the rest sounded like she could've said it.
/Don't bother mentioning the Kent kids," she added, reading my mind before I could say it.../
That would be Connor and Kara, right? Kryptonian and human DNA are unstable together, precluding natural procreation. The only way I could get it to work was using a metahuman who can't procreate with her own species. And even then the kid barely made it past conception.
Also, 'reading my mind' and 'before I could say it' don't both need to be said. Diana isn't literally telepathic, so it's pretty obvious to fans that if she's reading this kid's mind, it's because the kid is admitting to being about to say it. And since she hasn't said it yet, obvious Diana countered the idea before she could mention it.
I notice you're very accurately displaying a little metakid's resistance to not using her abilities however she wants and not liking all the bothersome rules the adults keep laying on her. And I seem to detect a little of Wally's naive obstinence to preparing for problems that don't exist yet. She thinks she's too fast for everyone, and he always thought so too. But then Grodd mind-controlled him, he lost his powers a couple times and a few other superspeedsters kept up enough to kick his butt. Maybe not all in the same continuities, but still. I'll bet even half of that in this one's history got him thinking, huh?
/Even if they had more than half of their father's speed, which is going to leave them way behind you when you're fully acclimated to the Speed Force."/
This sentence doesn't sound right. What are you trying to say with it? That even if they had more than just half his speed, Kryptonian superspeed isn't fast enough? If so, I'd add 'just' in where I put it. If not, then I'm lost.
/"No, Tina, you really need to practice staying at normal speed, or something close to it, even when you're under lots of pressure and something exciting is happening./
I know it's a really small thing, but Diana is the sort of person to say 'a lot' not 'lots'. Lots is kind of little-kiddish and Diana is super formal. The best she can do talking to a little kid is soften her voice and sound half-normal. She doesn't talk like kids. Ever. The gist of the sentence is in character for her, but again, over-explainy. And it gets worse in the rest of the paragraph.
/(Since I wasn't around back then, I wasn't going to argue about it.)/
This is not an end-of-a-scene sentence. Although the sentence before isn't either, it's certainly better. I'm not a fan of this little aside. It doesn't add anything and the information could easily be intuited by the reader since this is a little kid who doesn't even wear a costume yet, meaning she probably hasn't been to the Watchtower yet, and Diana's memory is probably from far in the past, before this girl was even born anyway.
/Daddy has also warned me about not eating too much./
It was a little hard figuring out why she shouldn't overeat if she doesn't get fat. I think you should first explain why she shouldn't overeat, THEN explain why overeating won't make her fat. You've got it backwards right now.
/A bunch of the older generation of the Justice League have known each other long enough to think of themselves as an extended family./
Older generation is singular, but have is plural. If it's the older generation's members, that would be plural. But you need to change one of them.
/...all grow up calling our parents' friends "Uncle Clark and Aunt Lois," "Uncle John and Aunt Mari," "Uncle Vic and Aunt Helena," and so forth./
Lol, smart way of getting the future pairings in. Who's Mari though? Vixen? And I didn't know Cy dated Huntress. Is that from a comic canon or just something you made up yourself? And...I wouldn't really call Cy and Huntress the 'older generation'. They were kids when the older generation had only parents and no kids themselves.
/He said it in maybe one millisecond and then he was gone./
Something about this sentence kind of bothers me. I think it's because you're talking about the blink of an eye, but the sentence drags like most everything else. If you broke this up into two sentences, it'd go a lot faster and give the illusion that it did only take a millisecond.
/(who moves too fast for the teacher to see, anyway)/
This aside is unnecessary. You can have it part of the sentence as it is, minus 'anyway', or nix it altogether and imply she's using her blink-of-an-eye superspeed. Or just make a slightly shorter not about her being invisible to all the slowpokes. You don't need to interrupt yourself to say it though.
/(In my heart I know he's right, though, even if he didn't always follow the rules when he was about my age.)/
You can't really end a scene with an aside like that, but you've done it twice now. When someone interrupts themselves, they always get back on topic again. But there is no more topic. This would make a great scene ender, you just can't have it in parentheses. I honestly don't even know why it's in parentheses because it's perfectly on topic. It sums it all up.
Is mommy immitating her? I ask because I usually see commas, not hyphens.
/"The point is that you were talking such a blue streak that my ears were lagging far behind by Number Six!"/
Not sure why you capitalized number six. There doesn't really seem to be a point to that here.
/Mommy is no fool./
Present tense. XD
/So I settled for what I could get. But I still think I'd look a zillion times cooler if my hair were green instead of this mousy brown./
I like this as a last line. It may have nothing at all to do with the 'Just slow down' that you've carried throughout the fic, but it's a nice sentence to end on anyway. Actually, I notice that none of the last lines in these sections have anything at all to do with how they began. For the one I think should be redone, you might want to consider it, although that could make the others stand out more, so maybe not.
I also like that you took the exact same dialogue line and carried it through all these different snapshots of Tina's life. It's short enough to be catchy and it works easily as dialogue for any of the characters that used it. Really nice.
Anyway, this girl really does sound like Wally's daughter. I may not be so happy with the dialogue you gave the CCs, but your OC fit perfectly into the part you gave her. She makes total sense. And that is something to be admired on FFN. Nice job.
| SaphirWereTigrss chapter 1 . 2/15/2011
Plain and simple, this was awesome! :D
I liked everything about it! Both the characters and scenes (it wasn't quite an actual storyline but as it's a one-shot that works!) Were well-written and the actual writing, (spelling, grammar, punctuation) was all perfect!
| Jana Girl123 chapter 1 . 11/18/2010
This is a prompt: If Huntress and Question were dating on Earth-2 where Batman's her father, how would he react?
| nequam-tenshi chapter 1 . 10/15/2010