|Reviews for Marines to Spartans: Recruitment Files|
| William Banner chapter 10 . 8/14/2011
Overall, I like the story, but I think that there is room for improvement.
First, I like the basic premise I think you might have to do a little bit more background research to 'flesh out' the details of the Spartan augmentations, however-according to "Fall of Reach", a fair number of recruits died or were horribly disabled by the process. It's a bit more complicated than a serum, but what the hey? Write it off to Marine ignorance.
Second, the characters. First person is a very hard perspective to write from, in my experience, but you handled it well here. Each character has their own distinct thought and speech pattern, but I think you can develop them a bit more. I know in the case of SGT Trevv, that deveoplment will be carried out in 'Raining Fire', should you choose to write it. For the LT, Chuck, and Cal, though, I think that you need to explore their characters a bit more. What makes them tick? What makes them fight? How have they bonded as a team? Maybe something to explore latter on, or add on to this story as an additional chapter.
Third, detail. The battlefield is a very chaotic place, with hundreds if not thousands of stimuli bombarding one's senses-the whine of bullets, muzzle flashes, shouts, movements, smoke, dirt, explosions, and the little voice in your head going 'oh shit oh shit OH SHIT!' Not even real life USMC officers are able to recollect everything that happens in a firefight. Likewise, your characters should not know everything that happens around them as events occur. In 'after actions', details can be filled in, but by having them not see things you increase realism.
That's about it, really. I think that this storyline has potential if you take it slow and think calmly about how you want to go about it. The mark of the real writer is one who knows his or her weaknesses and ruthlessly works to become better.
Safety and Peace,
| Some Junior Guy chapter 10 . 6/5/2011
I don't think you could have made this one any longer than it already is. It's too bad it ended over only 10 chapters, you oughta make a sequel!
| Credete chapter 8 . 4/29/2011
Hey, sorry! I've been busy with... life happenings. I just read the most recent chapter (sorry for taking so long!) and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Despite the fact that you haven't updated in nearly 3 months, I hope that you will continue to update. I can't wait to see where you take the characters, and I can't wait to see their progression. Take care, and I hope you have a good weekend!
| Shinigami Undertaker chapter 7 . 2/13/2011
I thoroughly enjoyed the introduction of an ODST in this chapter. Also, the counting of kills made it much more fun of a read. I really like your imagery that I've seen throughout this series; particularly in regards to pain. For a second there it felt like my shoulder was throbbing just from reading it. XD
| Credete chapter 6 . 2/11/2011
Damn good new chapter. Sorry I hadn't reviewed it sooner, I got a little busy with school and all .
Anyways, loved the detail you went into, as always. I like the approach you took to this chapter, as well as the characters, and how you didn't take things overboard in terms of the action, detail, and dialogue (Too much dialogue can suck, at times). I like the development of all the characters (Sparks, Cal, Chuck, and the Spartan) and I can't wait to see what happens next. I look forward to your next chapter, and I hope it is a bit longer :D
| Biocide chapter 5 . 2/5/2011
I love this story Very good job, I like how the characters are described.
| Biocide chapter 3 . 2/4/2011
Good job! Nice tactics
| Biocide chapter 2 . 2/2/2011
Very good job :) I liked how everyone acted and reacted
| Biocide chapter 1 . 2/1/2011
I loved this chapter! Good writing skills, an excellent intro. Going to go read the rest, can't wait! Keep up the amazing work :)
| Credete chapter 5 . 1/31/2011
Hey! I see that you updated! Sorry for the late review, school got rather busy! Thanks for the mention in the A/N :D Anyways, on to the review!
Length wise, as you mentioned in the notes, this is one of your shorter chapters, sadly. Content was good, and I liked the cliffhanger that you left. Again, the detail was perfect, not too much, and not too little (Proper usage of too? It's late :P). Can't wait to see which character the viewpoint will be from next chapter, and I am anticipating a good update! Hope that you keep writing for all your stories, and don't abandon them like I did (Sadface part right there).
I forgot to tell you, or maybe I did, but I'm going to link your story on my profile, in the hopes that more people will review your story, as it is quite original (In my honest opinion) and one of the better written stories on here, as most have some terrible grammar, whereas you don't seem to make many, if not any mistakes.
Until next time. Take care, and drive safe! (If you are getting snow, sleet, ice, whatever.) Oh, and you MIGHT have answered this, but isn't your avatar on here from Darker Than Black? Or I'm just imagining things, which I seem to have a habit of doing from time to time. I'd write a longer review, but again, homework calls.
| Credete chapter 4 . 1/6/2011
Hey! Loved the new chapter! I like the cliffhanger, and can't WAIT to read your next update. I like your descriptions, and the characters that you add in every new chapter. I'd write a longer review, but I need to do some college stuff. I promise to write a longer review for your next chapter, whenever it may be, HOPEFULLY SOON! :D Take care!
| Credete chapter 3 . 12/28/2010
Hay, finally an update! Heh, I was starting to get worried.
I everything about the update, except for the length. I hope the other chapters start to be longer, with less time between each update (at least two weeks so you can write a good, long chapter, but not two months! Eeep XD). Character development is good, writing is good, save for a couple mistakes, nothing big. Descriptions are good, and the combat is fairly well written. All in all, a good update.
I can't wait for the next update, which hopefully won't take two months to get uploaded :D Take care!
| Credete chapter 2 . 10/13/2010
Loved the new update. Pretty sure that was a RvB reference in regards to calling the Warthog a Puma, but not sure. Saw a couple other references in there as well. Like the progression of the story as well. Your writing is still good as ever, save for like two mistakes in grammar. I like the characters you are introducing and how you describe their demeanor. Again, can't wait for your next update. I hope you get more hits and reviews, you deserve them.
| Credete chapter 1 . 10/11/2010
Love the story so far. You go into detail and that helps readers visualize the environment more instead of just saying he was in a war-zone and little tidbits around the edges. I like your description of the characters, their actions and reactions. Liked the ending, hoping that eventually all the endings will tie in together at the end; maybe, maybe not; only time will tell eh? Other than a couple grammatical mistakes, good job. Can't wait to read your next update, whenever it may be.