|Reviews for The Forgotten|
| baud001 chapter 15 . 6/20
I liked the twist in that chapter.
| baud001 chapter 14 . 6/20
That part was good, well balanced between banter, dialogues and moving the story forward.
| Ooffo Rancoofsis chapter 6 . 6/15
You missed out on a golden opportunity:
Mysteel: You're a Jedi aren't you?
Revan: I'm just a guy with a lightsaber and a few questions.
In all seriousness, your writing seems to have improved again. It still has far too many 'isms' for my taste, but I am interested in seeing where it goes. Also, this seems to have nothing to do with Kotor. You really could have made this a fic set in any era post the Great Sith War- although there are still some things that don't fit any era of the lore. Although, really, you probably did good making it about Revan, mainly because if it was anywhere else nobody would read it. Kinda like a story idea I had a while back about the rise of the New Sith told from a very similar point of view.
| Ooffo Rancoofsis chapter 1 . 6/14
Funny enough, we actually have a sith named Malleus in the EU
| r4PT0rian chapter 43 . 5/16
I would say you have literally transcended to a higher plane with your impressive improvements in writing. The advancement from your 2nd to 3rd book was really just that shocking. The general plotline, portrayal of antagonists and protagonists, the relationship and conflict between characters and description of the characters' surroundings are quite sound, with the description of the Reborn being particularly vivid and in depth. I found the Reborn cult story arc to be very interesting, and was a bit disappointed about how Aethon and Revan took them down relatively easily, considering that they were the major antagonists in the book. Anyway, Matarl's transformation and Ajunta Pall's research piqued my interest, and I think incorporating these plot elements into your story really gained more depth in the illustration of the Reborn.
I don't know why but your books in this series roughly follow a similar pattern in their plot:
Revan is deployed to carry out some mission that only someone of his skills can complete - he finds potential allies, but encounters some conflict within (Governor of Chiron, Melara, T'shere) - he finds out about the threat in the area - minor engagement (Blooded, Clan Sabot, Reborn) - conflict within allies resolved (before minor engagement for 1st book where Revan tells the governor off, Melara is defeated by Exon, T'shere is unconscious) - major conflict (Mreth, Raithe, Malleus) - finds out shocking revelation from antagonist (one part being about the antagonists' goals, the other being a traitor amongst his allies [Chief Engineer, Melara, Lucidae]) - mission success, confronts traitor, resolves conflict - impending doom
Not that this story structure is bad, but it creates a sense of monotony when every book follows this rough plot.
I still think Revan's character is a bit questionable because of the lying and such. But you made it a character flaw in one of his interactions with Mysteel so it fits in more with your story I guess. I also like how his charisma develops through the morale boost for Aethon, and Kynes (she's got to be Helena Shan, right?) gained a respect for him in the process. It's interactions like this that make the story more well developed and impactful to readers as a whole, and in that aspect I feel that you have improved a lot. Revan is really still OP, considering he beat every single antagonist except Raithe. He sustained serious injuries in most of these encounters, not without struggle but seriously, he can't just go on and on beating the antagonists up in every book. I probably shouldn't expect much, considering he's the main character in a video game and portrayed as very OP anyway, but if you do want to improve on Revan's character during the KOTOR/after KOTOR time period, I recommend reading Knights of the Old Republic: The Prodigal Knight and Knights of the Old Republic: Revan's Mark by Gipper 40. Revan's still OP in those books but you should get a better idea on how to portray him. After all, we wouldn't be fans of KOTOR if Revan wasn't OP and badass.
And back to the Mandalorians. They wouldn't poison their comrades before a honor duel, that's dishonorable. Judging by "Mandalore's" personality, I think he probably made it up. I don't think he would be so dishonorable unless he was a mercenary that the Mandalorians recruited though. But his disagreement about being commanded by droids was quite in character for a Mandalorian. And the whole fight about using swords to kill the Abominations. (Just needs more flamethrowers LUL) I recommend reading Candle in the Dark by Creen if you want to improve on your description of Mandos. It really characterizes Mandos and is an excellent KOTOR rewrite.
For the description of the Reborn, extra details was interesting, but for some sections, it became very superfluous (sections before the auction specifically and during Revan's trials). It might just be me but I still feel that the front section before any conflict is always a bit slow for my liking in this series.
There's still some strange usage of words that you might want to polish up on to make your story sound more professional, but that's really it.
All in all, I think your 3rd book is quite an impressive feat although some parts were superfluous. I enjoyed reading it and I'm kind of glad you ended with a cliffhanger. It's not something every writer does and it's unique to your writing style. Thank you for dedicating your time to write this awesome series. I wish you all the best in writing.
| Gydius chapter 43 . 5/12
As always, well doneSo far these series are the best SW stories I have ever read. Interesting storyline, well rounded characters, each and every one has a backstory, and progression wit the story.
So far I see nothing holding you back to write on your own and create your own world. Start writing your own book and hopefully publish, I will be the first one to buy it.
Hell use fanfiction as a selfptomotion tool.
As always, will continue reading and looking forward to your next installment.
| LeonCaboose chapter 43 . 12/22/2017
I must say, I enjoyed this tremendously. Like your other stories, it is both well written and we'll paced. The characters have depth and are interesting and the plot is exciting at every turn. I look forward to the forthcoming sequel.
| Just a Crazy-Man chapter 43 . 12/22/2017
Excellent reas. :) Onto the next. :)
| Jkdelta38 chapter 43 . 12/20/2017
Lovely story. Especially liked spaced and infantry combat, to say nothing of Revan 's skills with both command and lightsaber.
| jc chapter 43 . 4/1/2016
great great series very glad I went back and read them in order rather then just this one, I hope you take up writing in the future again
| CC-645 chapter 25 . 2/24/2013
Well, what do I say. "The Gathering Storm" and "The Enemy's Hand" were two fine fanfics, but this one I'm afraid, yo have overdone. The thing between the commander and the sniper is well, disgusting. The gore did not bother me, but you sometimes lost sight of your goal to include more and more details.
Otherwise it was not half bad, but I cannot finish it, the ratio of plot to details is dispraportinate.
| insertappropropriatenamehere chapter 43 . 2/27/2012
Well, this was certainly an interesting universe you've built. It's like a fusion of the best bits of Warhammer 40k and KotOR all mashed into three epic length fics. I'm sorry you won't continue writing; this is one of the best series I've seen, awkward grammar and malapropisms aside. (Actually, I'd offer myself up as a ghostwriter for any future ideas you might have, but I'm not sure I could do the universe justice. I kept expecting Rafen to pop up and shove a bolter into somebody's face.)
Also, unresolved cliffhangers. :(
| chisscientist chapter 43 . 1/4/2012
Thank you for writing. I enjoyed reading it.
| RevJohn1171 chapter 43 . 1/4/2012
Fuck! my ribs hurt with how much i laughed through this chapter. Especially during the parts where Revan tells Mysteel she can't get laid after taking her vows, and the part about her Lightsaber(fucking brilliant lol)
(Just a quick note- Loved your last chapter mate, sorry i didn't get the time to review it)
And well...here we are, almost what...AH! I suck at maths a year or something like that, Got to say mate its been one hell of an ride. But like they say, every good thing in the world comes's to an end eventually.
I could never express my gratitude to you for keeping at this story, and in that creating it, it had been an grand read mate one worthy of the credit giving to any true epic story out there today.
I raise my hand in salute to your creative Genesis. and thanks, truly, for this epic and truly amazing awesome story that helped make 2011 one hell of an year for me.
An grateful fan- Jedirevan Lord of sith
| 6tailedninja chapter 43 . 1/4/2012
Sadly all things must come to an end. Kind of heartbreaking. after roughly two years of writing you have evolved from a good writer into a great author and have become one of my favorite authors, right up there with Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson. It would be a shame if you quit all together. Why not post a little one shot or short story from time to time.
Thanks for that last paragraph. I found it touching.
Have a good New Year