|Reviews for Dream underhill|
| Mable chapter 1 . 6/8/2013
Okay, I stumbled upon this and noticed it was from two years ago, so I am going to pretend it was posted today and give my opinion as such.
There are quite a few grammar errors, but they can be forgiven if effort is given.
The main problem is that the character is a Mary Sue. Now, most people think that Mary Sues are noted as being perfect, this is not the case. Usually there are a few signs that are present; a bad past, black hair, odd colored eyes, and the names that are obviously supposed to be ironic. Like 'Raven' or 'Onyx', Dream somewhat falls into this group of trying to sound different but being overly predictable. The biggest problem is, though, that you didn't put enough in to make us like the character. Her description of life seems emotionless and her dialogue follows the same path. We're supposed to feel sorry for her, but the story tries so hard that it actually causes the opposite.
The story itself seems a little confusing. Her mother hates her and wants to send her away, but still makes her Waffles and Cinnamon Rolls for breakfast? A bully drags her into a janitor closet and begins to rape her and she fights him off; why couldn't she fight him off before? How can she walk off fine after being raped?
Now, I'm just pointing these flaws about so you can see how the fic could be improved. It's not a terrible fic, not a bad fic, and with some work it can be fixed up fine.
Good luck writing!
| S13foreverfan101 chapter 1 . 3/28/2011
It has everything to do with dreamcatcher
its about owen
| katiespencer83 chapter 1 . 3/27/2011
this has what to do with DreamCatcher? Also the grammatical errors are appalling. Do what I did take an English Course and learn from your errors. Although I do like your login name. Dora drives me crazy...
| S13foreverfan101 chapter 1 . 12/8/2010
Sorry macaroni but there's a lot of errors
And I don't feel like signing in!