Reviews for College Summer
Solarius Scorch chapter 1 . 10/16/2010
Doh, I sort of dislike reviewing after ArmorBlade, since there's never much to add. :) Still, seeing how little time you had I am surprised with the result: it was relatively long, and there was a clever idea with Hinata's memory box in it (regrettably it wasn't emphasised enough).

There were numerous spelling and grammar mistakes, but again with so little time before deadline it's not an issue really.
ArmorBlade chapter 1 . 10/16/2010
I admire your attempt to use practically the full entire LS cast, but at the same time I cannot help but feel that this also smoothered the story. It's true you can do far more with a larger cast but for a simpler story concept such as this, it overcomplicates even simpler actions by trying to make a detail what each of them are doing. Bit off more than you can chew I'm afraid. However since it was Hinata's chest, the inclusion of her and her sister was warrented and reletively simple by being seperate from most of all that was going on. Izumi also wasn't a bad inclusion necessarily either, but the other teachers I think was stretching it too far.

Writing wise, I must point out the use of (author notes). Don't do that, just make it part of the actual narrative and especially do not do them right in the middle of dialogue. Only other thing was a few simple words were traded in for others that would work better - mixing up 'in, by, on, to' sort of descriptions within actions. Such as Kagami placing her hand 'in' Konata's head.
MisterYada chapter 1 . 10/15/2010
That was pretty funny, and a good use of characters that are rarely used by most LS writers. Could improve a bit on form, but you were on a deadline, so it's acceptable. Good job! :D
Daemon McRae chapter 1 . 10/15/2010
I love hos you use characters that only the manga has. And now I want my volume 6 more than ever.
Sturmgeschuts chapter 1 . 10/15/2010
Your determination to include Watase seems to have influenced the writing a bit. I see you went beyond just the five original people.

I dunno, the chest felt like it was just a side thing thrown in there. It also seems to lack a describable plot after a certain point.