Reviews for Fun Thunder
Guest chapter 1 . 1/20
you need more Chapters
Fancyunicorn chapter 1 . 8/20/2014
I like your summery. But Heh. LOL that's what made me click on it.
Darknessdawns chapter 1 . 8/9/2012
I love the thunderstorm theme. It gives so many excuses as to why Haruhi needs the 'comfort'. It was a nice lemon. You did well with it.
Guest chapter 1 . 7/13/2012
nice last sentance but awsome fanfic!
SesshyGal chapter 1 . 10/30/2011
hehe nice job man
RisaMa chapter 1 . 2/16/2011
Delicious story.
katarina chapter 1 . 12/28/2010
that was really good
Alpha14 chapter 1 . 12/19/2010
Waaaaaahh! I don't want Kyouya to die! (Lol. In response to Ranka at the door. XD)
RyainDrop chapter 1 . 12/5/2010
awwwwww. i loved it
MOVED NOT HERE GONE ETC chapter 1 . 11/24/2010
This was cute i liked it.
Musichowler chapter 1 . 11/1/2010
Ok, for a first attempt, its not bad. Your spelling and grammar are fairly decent. My main complaint is that there is so little build up. Its all in your face, with no emotion described behind it. There is no description of Kyouya wanting Haruhi for a while, or being interested in her. It looks like a way for the "shadow king" to torment her. One of the secrets to writing characters people can really get into is giving them a three dementional personality. Readers want to know what drives them. Emotions are critical to this, as it makes the character more real. The only other complaint is your use of the word "dick". That is a bit too blunt for something like this. Substitutions can include: manhood, cock, shaft or (if you are wanting a more oriental bent) dragon. For her, words you could use include: petals, mound, femininity, core, lips, jade gate (oriental bent again) or if you are going for an innocent girl, the words "down there" perhaps in itallics. Anyway, its a fairly good first try. Keep writing and learning.

Musichowler
Commander Cat chapter 1 . 10/16/2010
You could have used a different word in replacement for "pussy". Perhaps, "lips"? And for "dick", perhaps "junior"?