|Reviews for Life on Thedas|
| Shinkansen chapter 21 . 5/28/2011
First, let me express how happy I am that you updated. This is absolutely the first (and possibly the last) self-insert that had me hooked from the start. And now, for the relevant chapter review points:
Ventus, a half-elf? Interesting (and surprising).
So, Flemeth was merely protecting Malcolm's family? I was expecting a more sinister turn, I must admit.
The high dragon battle was a little bit flat to me, sorry.
Very nice Oghren and Zevran characterization.
To conclude, while I am overjoyed that you updated, the chapter is of an obvious inferior quality than the former. Then again, last chapter rocked.
| Karmic Acumen chapter 21 . 5/28/2011
Wait, the Alienage? So he's an elf? Wasn't he human? Or is he elf-blooded?
Anyway, nice backstory for Malcolm. Is he going to stay scarred now? Or will Wynne and Ven be able to heal him completely?
Liked how you had Oghren bash everything up at the end of the fight.
| AerisSerris chapter 21 . 5/28/2011
Yay, and the witch is dead! Zevran IS ridiculously awesome, for a minute I was sure he was dragon food! Same with Malcolm! D: Oh snap, he lost ALL of his memories prior to Ostagar? That can't be good... Update soon, please!
| Phygmalion chapter 21 . 5/28/2011
Well, Flemeth is finally dead. I must say, your description of defeating her is much more epic than how it turned out in the game. And Oghren landed the killing blow! Way to regain lost honor! I especially liked Zevran's trick with the wing - it reminds me of Riordan's attack on the archdemon, except Zevran survived the attack.
Did Ventus really lose his memory, or is he just working on a plausible backstory?
Also, I'm glad that Ventus has the strength to resist the desire demon inside of him. It always bugged me how in stories the possessor always seems to have the ability to overwhelm the possessee which, given how the one being possessed has been in the body longer, should have a firmer hold on his spiritual abode. But that's just my opinion.
Great job, and good luck on the next chapter!
| citus334 chapter 21 . 5/28/2011
dude just want to know? when is he gonna cash in his personnas?
| Herr Wozzeck chapter 21 . 5/28/2011
Dun dun duuuuuun.
You never, ever let up with the cliffhangers, do you? Mystery continues to go down, and strange things happen to all.
Also, the fight with Flemeth was awesome. I wish we could pull a Riordan on Flemeth! (
Fun times are had for all.
| Shinkansen chapter 19 . 5/27/2011
Any luck with the muses?
| rldragon chapter 20 . 5/27/2011
Can't wait for an update!
| Kyle chapter 1 . 5/15/2011
It seems to have eaten the e-mail address I attempted to provide. Remove the spaces: kyle . garrett 41 gmail . com
| Kyle chapter 16 . 5/15/2011
I'll be the first to admit I don't read much fanfic, but I'e actually found this to be a rather interesting concept. Not /perfect/, mark you, but interesting. I'll try to make as much of the length limit as I can, but if you want me to go into further details on anything or just have general inquiries I can be reached at (just remove the caps).
Now, on to the review itself. Allow me to echo some of the other reviewers in saying I was sceptical about the self-insert; all too often those turn out to be Mary Sues, and/or a carbon copy of the canonical events with another person pasted in. I was pleasantly surprised when you started having the OC's influence actually affect things, without going too far in the other direction (in a similar vein, I appreciate the dialogue not simply being rehashed from the game and that you haven't devoted too slavishly to the course of events - taking advantage of Malcom's survival to deal with the Orzammar plot offscreen, for example). Ven is competent without being perfect or Sueish, which is easy to fall into, and I keep finding myself checking back in purely out of curiosity re: how things will turn out.
While the Warden by necessity is an invented personality, the others seem nicely in-character so far; at the least, I can easily imagine them saying and doing the things attributed to them, particularly with Alistair hardened. I also like some of the descriptions, such as during combat.
As I said, though, the story isn't perfect. This review has been logged for quite a while and I don't remember everything I was going to point out, but let's see what we can get to. To start with, the pace had a tendency to feel rather rushed, though I'll concede this is probably a necessity with the way the game tends to drag on.
Some of the details also seem skimmed over a bit, or otherwise sparing in description; I know you're assuming people will know what the canon stuff looks like when writing a fanfic, but it can feel a bit bland at a couple points. There are also spelling and grammar errors scattered around that could have been caught with a good beta reader, and a few spots that seem a bit awkwardly-phrased. I'll have to reread a bit more closely at some point to get specific examples, as it's been a while and I've just started revisiting both this fic and the review. There's also a few bits where it feels you're /telling/, instead of showing, but part of that ties into the point I raised about the rushed pace.
At some point before, I had a more solid list of what I was going to point out. Life has got busy for me, however, so I'll admit I've forgotten bits. I'll revisit this review in future, and as said, you can contact me at the given address if you'd like me to elaborate on anything or whatnot. Keep up the good work, and take care.
| AerisSerris chapter 20 . 5/15/2011
Lol, I cracked up at the Old Spice reference. But Malcolm! Don't be a traitor, dammit! D:
| Shinkansen chapter 20 . 5/15/2011
Damnation! A cliffhanger. Now I have to torturously wait for the next chapter.
I have one single (large) complaint about your story, and that is the fact that Venus doesn't use his knowledge of events.
| tree1138 chapter 20 . 5/14/2011
I really feel like we got to know Malcom much better in this chapter. Is the cloaked man meant to be Wynne's spirit?
| drakontion chapter 20 . 5/14/2011
Nooooo Malcolm, don't be a traitor! We love you, you're cool, and you have a horse!
Also, Jacob reference by Zev? Am totally seeing this.
Poor Ven, caught up in things he doesn't really remember or understand... Great chapter as always :D
| PatheticallyKingly chapter 20 . 5/14/2011
Holy crap! Malcom's a traitor? Nooooo! Makes me sad ;_;
Awesome chappy! Mass Effect and Old Spice references, tis a genious combination!