|Reviews for BSC Christmas Party and Christmas Day Adventures|
| Jayne Jewel chapter 11 . 4/22/2012
I think I've read some of your earlier stories before, and I notice that a few things haven't changed:
- After a character speaks, you use the word "said" quite a bit, and it's not always necessary-just repetitive.
- Characters get sick a lot, and they puke-a LOT. It's gross.
- Mary Anne has trouble breathing about 1000 times in this story, and it gets repetitive as well. I have asthma, so I know just how annoying it can be to be unable to breathe, but for one thing, the doctors would be prescribing medications and inhalers and air purifiers to help, and Kristy and the others shouldn't be so tough on Mr. Spier-I'm close to a decade older than Mary Anne in this story and my parents/boyfriend still worry a lot about me when I have trouble breathing-which doesn't happen very much, normally. Maybe during allergy season or something.
- You didn't describe Kayla or the others, but it seems implied that they live with Mary Anne's family? You might've described them in one of your other stories, but it's strange to simply mention their names but not who they are if they're recurring OCs.
Other then the repetition, it's not bad. And pretty cool that you're such a dedicated writer. I've suggested a few things you may want to improve, but other than that, keep writing! :)
| FonzFan82 chapter 10 . 7/24/2011
That was nice Vanessa the poet made that poem book for Mary Anne. Sounds just like Vanessa.
| FonzFan82 chapter 9 . 4/6/2011
It would be nice if Mary Anne got over Kayla's death. Some people survive cancer but you die from it as well. I had family members who died from cancer before I was born but I never took it the way Mary Anne does. Good to see Mal and Jessi again. I'd like to see more of them. Nice update.
| blossom2014 chapter 7 . 1/18/2011
I love this ch it is the best so far and can't waite to read more next time?
| FonzFan82 chapter 6 . 12/26/2010
Good chapter. I liked the last gift Mary Anne got.
| FonzFan82 chapter 5 . 12/11/2010
Nice update. Can't wait for the next chapter!
| FonzFan82 chapter 4 . 12/11/2010
| Golden Raindrops chapter 3 . 11/1/2010
Well. You should be aware that pneumonia is a mainly respiratory illness and that it doesn't cause you to throw up or cough up blood, as far as I know. You also need to work on your grammar a bit, especially tenses and capitalization. The word "tree" doesn't need to be capitalized, and you keep switching from past to present tense. But I appreciate that your spelling is really good, along with your in-character-ness and plot.
| blossom2014 chapter 3 . 10/28/2010
well what do you know I m doing a Madeline like that But I have some trouble with ch 2?
| FonzFan82 chapter 3 . 10/28/2010
Too bad about Mary Anne being on breathing tubes for life. Noticed a few mistakes here: She isn't exactly got used to it isn't should be hasn't got used to it. Keeping tracking should be keeping track would make more sense. Thanks! Keep working on your "ed's", but I don't see the "ed's" like I've been mentioning on the "happened" and such.
| FonzFan82 chapter 2 . 10/28/2010
Too bad about Mary Anne but scary. You did leave a letter out. Breath should be breathe. Go fix it please.
| blossom2014 chapter 2 . 10/25/2010
I m so sorry for Mary ann please let her get Better
| FonzFan82 chapter 1 . 10/20/2010
Good story so far. Wonder what's going to happen next?
| blossom2014 chapter 1 . 10/18/2010
I love this story can;t want to read ch 2