Reviews for SelfControl
Warrior Cat Cody chapter 1 . 1/30/2011
Oooooooooooo! He should NOT have done that!

Keep up the great work!
GrovRose chapter 1 . 11/17/2010
I know that you worked really hard on this, but I would really appreciate it if you gave me credit for originally creating Oliana.

You see, in case you didn't get my messages on DA, your friend that owns Oliana knocked-off my character Maddie the Stuthiomimus.

I put a lot of time and effort into my LBT character, and just seeing this person steal her from me leaves me feeling rather crushed. The only thing your friend really changed was her name.

I would greatly appreciate it if you talk with your friend, and convince her to stop using my character.

In case you didn't know, this is Rosethethief on DA, and I am sincerely sorry that I accused you of originally stealing my character. I missed out on a couple of details in your story description. If there is anything I can do to make things up to you, just let me know.

*Sigh* It's just that ever since I found out that she stole my character, I've become really sad and depressed...

Please respond.
FireChildSlytherin5 chapter 1 . 11/17/2010
0.o Wow.
S. Snowflake chapter 1 . 10/21/2010
Poor Oliana... I can't imagine Ozzy would make a good father though. Perhaps fate, tragic as it is, made the right choice. :(

*S. Snowflake.
Heritor chapter 1 . 10/18/2010
“Some things you see with your eyes, Strut. Others, you see with your stomach.”

I love the Littlefoot’s mother parody. I laughed out loud at that.

“But what surprised Ozzy the most was her deep green eyes that communicated mirthful coy personality that was only intensified with the smirk on her face.”

That was a beautiful choice of words. I couldn’t understand any better than if I’d actually seen it happen with my own eyes. Your vocabulary is very impressive and it flows so gracefully in your story.

Your portrayal of Oliana was magnificent. Her actions and reactions were completely realistic and creative. In just one chapter, I can see just how nice of a character she is.

You picked a nice method to hold my interest- a character working on a surprise. Digging a hole could mean many things, so it was not obvious to me what she was doing- I had no choice but to read on.

You used a common occurrence with the characters very well. Two characters do things together, a third party enters and things change, and one of the first two start to feel lonely. I felt sorry for lonely Strut.

The reader can really enjoy the new relationship because it was done so realistically. The object of her affections started making a change for the better. She flirted with him, and he had to grow accustomed to it over time.

Ozzie was shown to have an obsession with eggs in movie two, and didn’t stray from that at all in this prequel. It was actually nearly shocking how well you kept up his obsession, having him turn on his own kids. I was expecting him to have an internal struggle over the eggs, but was caught off guard when he actually chose to eat his kids.

I liked how you showed that Strut can put up a fight when the situation is dire enough. I never would have imagined seeing Strut go up against Ozzie for anything, but you pulled it off. You showed the strength of Strut by having him try and stop his brother from committing that horrible act. You aren’t changing the characters, you are bringing to light new depth that hasn’t been seen before.

You truly made emotions swirl inside me at the ending of that chapter. I almost cried at Oliana’s discovery. She fell in love and trusted her sweetheart with everything, and he let her down big time. Ozzie has reached an all time low, and I feel terrible for the poor girl. If she was only with him to have children, I can’t see this getting fixed. But, if she loves him for who he is, well, I would hope that she will forgive and give a second chance.

I could go on much longer about the splendors of this chapter, but I think this is a good stopping point. Your writing? I love it. I love it with a passion. You have a way with words I don’t see much. You really let me feel like I was right there the whole time. I didn’t have to strain my imagination to view things; all the necessary detail was right there. Though I nearly cried at Oliana’s discovery, I will cry here and now if you decide not to update. This is a work of beauty that deserves to be seen through to the end, and if so, I’ll be following close behind.