|Reviews for Secrets Revealed|
| Leighawen chapter 1 . 6/16/2012
Interesting idea. It was bashy, but only in the way it needed to be. Great piece of writing. :D
| whatweareafreaidof chapter 1 . 10/24/2010
Giles demanded, "You have put us all in considerable danger by not telling us about this sooner.
but when buffy was letting anglues kill every body that was ok, when giles did not tell the other watchers so they could deal with anglus and save lives that was. so for giles to defend his family is ok, but for her to do it is wrong.
ANGLE with a soul was a jerk and a murder, so even witha soul he still did stuff that should get him killed.
good story, not to hard on jenny
| Goddess-Vampire chapter 1 . 10/20/2010
this is a good story. it would alter the out come of everything.
| Giles C chapter 1 . 10/20/2010
Cool story! All the dialogue is very natural, and it's spread out evenly among the characters. Very effective and thoughtful!
One suggestion I do have: try to work on different ways to modify the dialogue. Right now, there are a lot of awkward, simplistic expressions that I think you could avoid. You can just say "said" - it's weird to try prettying it up with adverbs and colorful verbs like "hypothesized" and "conceded." To a certain extent, those things can strengthen writing, but when you use too many of them the results are weak.
If you have more to say other than "said" - and it's actually necessary, not just a tacked-on description - try making a different phrase or even a separate sentence. Like, instead of "'Ugh. The only other female left is the lunchlady,' she announced sadly.", you could say "'Ugh. The only other female left is the lunchlady,' she said, holding an ugly costume and sneering at it" or "'Ugh. The only other female left is the lunchlady,' she said. She walked around the table and showed the others the ugly costume she'd found."
Again, great story overall. Good luck!