|Reviews for Monkey Business|
| Guest chapter 23 . 2/16
Mercenary Tao attacked Gohan BEFORE the Cell Games and fled with his life when he attempted to attack a small village in canon.
You need to explain why he is stronger in your fiction.
Coming up with this magical and UNEXPLAINED technology without an outside source to provide it that is able to overpower SUPER SAIYANS? Unlikely and Improbable.
Please add these lacking details to your story. It doesn't make sense in the context of the DBZ universe. This story was good, but all of these unexplained nerfs to the heroes makes no sense, Especially against incredibly weak Human enemies not even remotely on the level as Cell. This is starting to come across as rather amateur hour.
| Guest chapter 22 . 2/16
An electric fence that effects Super Saiyans? Seriously?
You need to make some plausible reason otherwise it just sounds like something made up out of thin air. Otherwise it just comes off as improbable, much like earlier on in the story the villain Ryakko or whatever their name was had "Super Saiyan" resistant traps.
These unexplained super powerful anti-Super Saiyan technology makes absolutely no sense in the context of knowledge you presented in the story, especially so from weakling Earthling villains that magically have the know-how to create such things in the first place.
You need to fill in the details of these inconsistent gaps. Never assume the reader knows everything the author knows. This sort of lack of detail or explanation completely takes the reader out of the actual plot and breaks the suspension of belief, especially so for characters as powerful as they are in the DBZ universe.
| OmegaDL50 chapter 13 . 2/16
I see according to your story summary you ignore flames. However you shouldn't ignore constructive criticism. All in all it's a very good story, however there is several grammatical errors continuously repeated.
For example every instance of the word "strait" should be "straight"
strait a narrow passage of water connecting two seas or two large areas of water.
straight to move in a single line directly without a curve or bend.
Your story could use a beta to look over it and point out issues to you. While it IS marked as complete, however I'd think it would be diligent to go back to this and clean it up. It would undoubtably make your enjoyable story, even more enjoyable to read.
All in all it's a very good fiction, albeit some minor issues. I look forward to reading this to the end and will definitely check out your other stories.
| Guest chapter 9 . 2/16
Oh look, the magical ass-pull story arc that invents an enemy that has Super Saiyan and Ki-Resistant traps.
Geeze, can't this shit get any more hackneyed?
And then you have the SIGNIFICANTLY WEAKER Androids come in and save the day. Is Gohan supposed to be Super Saiyan 2 in this story or not. Based on the massive power gimp demonstrated through the Rakkyo portion of the story, apparently not!
But hey, who the hell is following character strength anymore when you need to create magical Mary-Sue enemies that apparently more powerful than Cell that Gohan at SS2 could defeat.
| Guest chapter 7 . 2/16
You seem to take pride in using the Japanese nouns throughout the story.
It's just a shame you keep mixing up the difference between STRAIT and STRAIGHT, and DAM and DAMN.
Perhaps it would be nice if you took as much effort into correcting the English errors as you sticking to those Japanese nouns.
All in all it's a good story and enjoyable to read, however if these minor grammatical errors would be fixed the story would be even more enjoyable.
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/3/2015
When someone uses a Japanese word it's still English because if it were really Japanese it would be a symbol so it's Technically both I forgot the name for it but either way know your facts calamitykid
| calamitykid chapter 1 . 11/1/2015
Stick to one language and stop this mixed language bs. It takes away from the flow of the story. If your gonna write in English keep it in English. s/1731223/1/Use-of-Japanese-words-a-complete-turnoff
| The Great Karasu chapter 1 . 9/7/2015
This is a LONG-ASS fic! And I loved it! Kept me occupied for a whole month trying to read it all! You have a few grammar problems, but the flow is excellent. The omake at the end are well-thought and accent the story very well. Definitely one of my favorites!
| leneypoo chapter 81 . 8/27/2015
I feel bad for that bug person. But what are you gonna do...they have to protect the after after all...
| leneypoo chapter 80 . 8/27/2015
Like Mother, Like Son haha.
| leneypoo chapter 70 . 8/27/2015
LOL, omg Trunks.
Kids say the craziest things.
| leneypoo chapter 42 . 8/27/2015
This story is so ridiculously sweet and refreshing to read. This omake is one of my favorites, it made me want to go to the Ox Kingdom for a long needed vacation.
I absolutely adore your portrayal of pretty much all the characters but especially Gohan and the rest of the Son Family. Even though Gohan is the strongest guy (in the universe) and a prince, this story never loses the fact that Gohan is a teenager with all the awkwardness and angst that entails. It's cute.
| RustKnight chapter 70 . 5/4/2015
Kids say the darnedest things. Especially Trunks and Goten.
| RustKnight chapter 43 . 5/1/2015
I'm enjoying the storyline greatly but omakes like this are gold.
| RustKnight chapter 6 . 5/1/2015
I like this 17. He's got moxie.