|Reviews for Don't Change|
| Drewykins chapter 1 . 5/23/2012
Laughing out loud at the ending! Man, this made me think. What if Drew was hyper and... May-like? o_O Anyway, good story!
| J chapter 1 . 4/6/2011
Ha ha. Hilarious yet oh so funny! Rock on, this is awesome. Hope to see more stories from you, you've really got a knack for the characters and you're great at writing. Catch you later.
| xSapphirexRosesxFanx chapter 1 . 11/29/2010
that Drew is nut-case! but, that is who May loves and i am happy that they at last confessed and are together, even with the most crazy way, i wonder what they will stay for a story in the future at their children, ur daddy went crazy when ur mummy got mad with his and she wished for the mean daddy to return because the crazy one was freaking her out, great tale.
keep the great work.
| anime kaz chapter 1 . 11/23/2010
i love it when Drew acts diffrent! it would drive any sane person to bring out a restraining order on him lol! great job!
| Wraithed.Sparrow chapter 1 . 11/18/2010
Awww, that was so cute and awesome. Funny too,
Write more :D
- The Wraithed Sparrow
| LoveLoverGrl chapter 1 . 11/15/2010
lolz gr8 story! D
| Morapores chapter 1 . 10/27/2010
I love this story!
It's hilarious! Keep writing!
| rooniey chapter 1 . 10/26/2010
Okay... this Drew freakin' creeped me out yet at the same time make me laugh my ass off XD awesome fic, its unique and interesting. Keep it up ;)
| Kahtita chapter 1 . 10/25/2010
HAHA! Hilarious! Pretty crazy too. :D Loved it.
| seriikuro chapter 1 . 10/25/2010
Lol this made me laugh with Drew acting so different, and at the end with Soledad and Harley. So cute!
| Glory For Sleep chapter 1 . 10/25/2010
Alright, first thing's first - sorry for being late. Wound up being really busy on Sunday. Huh. O.o
Okay, let's see what we have...
The plot to this fic was...interesting? Albeit a little bit random, but you made it work better than I thought it would.
Just a few things that irked me:
1) Soledad has a very annoying name, just for the fact that people are always debating on how to spell it. In real life, the name is spelled with an "e". According to the dubbers, it's spelled with an "i". Go with whichever way you think is best, but please choose a version and stick with it throughout. I saw a few instances where you switched between the different spellings.
2) I saw another issue you had that also happens to be quite a common one. For example:
"I…I'll give her what she wishes… If it'll make her happy." He said voice slightly hoarse.
When writing a dialogue sentence that's accompanied with a dialogue tag (said, yelled, screamed, whatever), you always use a comma to connect them. So the above should be written as:
"I…I'll give her what she wishes… If it'll make her happy," he said voice slightly hoarse.
(Make sure to never capitalize the beginning of the tag, unless you're starting it with a name.)
3) The "Show, Don't Tell" philosophy is something all writers need to follow. Yeah, it's a pain in the butt, but it can really make your story feel more alive when you use it. You've had a lot of cases where you did use it, and I hug you for them. :D But there are others where you didn't. For example:
"Who are you and what have you done with the real Drew?" She shrieked utterly frightened.
Instead of telling us that May was frightened, let her do an action that would show it. Maybe something like...
"W-who are y-you and what have you done with the real D-Drew?" she asked, eyes widened, as she slowly backed away from him.
(See how I added the stuttering? Sometimes, just the dialogue itself can show a character's emotion.)
(That said, Drew acting all happy kinda creeped me out. Haha. xD)
4) "Drew sweat-dropped..."
Sweat-dropping is really only an action you can see in animation. It's not even a real verb, so that can really pull your readers out of the story. I suggest avoiding this, as there are other, more lifelike actions a character can do to give off a similar effect. :P
That's all I have for right now. You have a lot of potential, and I can't wait to see it flourish. I have to say, you wrote Sol and Harley perfectly. :3 So definite kudos on that.
Keep it up, Barrymore. w
| splitheart1120 chapter 1 . 10/25/2010
*falls off of chair laughing*
*gets back up on chair to type review*
that was so funny
may and drew forever
| MissBesanii chapter 1 . 10/25/2010
Ahaa, I could NOT imagine Drew during that mad phase. I saw Harley dressed up as him, like he had dressed up as May. XD
Anyway, you slipped into first person and then back out of it... Here:
"He laughed whole heartedly, as in, laughed. Despite everything so odd, she smiled… He had a very nice laugh… Maybe this Drew was for the best.
He looked at me, the arrogance lost in his emerald orbs. No trace of it…
Drew then tugged my arm, "Let's go to the carnival! I heard that Slateport was hosting one, Come on!""
I loved this! It made me chuckle. :3