|Reviews for rough water|
| rainefan chapter 8 . 3/20/2011
This was good! Maureen is an interesting character, and I hope she turns up somewhere again.
| Guardian Fox chapter 8 . 3/15/2011
it seems like this story could still go places. is it safe to assume that it is not really complete? She's definately not a typical OC, and while I probably wouldn't like her paired permanently with Guerrero, it seems like they could have something. I'd like to see her get some closure with her husband - maybe they should divorce.
| ras349 chapter 8 . 1/27/2011
Love this story! Hope you add another chapter.
| aloysia piton chapter 8 . 12/20/2010
I like your story! It's sad that it is over...however, I just find that Maureen and Guerrero could be a great couple together...he is so ironic and sexy! I loved in chapter 6 when he says that she'd have to beg him...it's definitly his style!
hope you add more chapters :)...or another ff with this pairing :)...
| HautkopfofUlm chapter 8 . 12/17/2010
Lol, if I had it my way you could keep adding chapters to this 'complete' story forever! I really like Maureen! But what I love most in this chapter is Ilsa's overreaction. There she thinks she learnt something and did something right, but not only did she disgruntle both Maureen and WInston, but she also copies Guerrero's before much reprimanded torture methods. Is giving birth with doplhins really a thing? *shudder*
| Angels-heart1 chapter 8 . 12/15/2010
Chance asked the perfect question! Oh I loved this chapter! Though I think Ilsa should be tied with duct tape, for a little bit ;) So happy to read another chapter!
| snailboat64 chapter 7 . 11/30/2010
Great chapter! Glad you you share my vision of Guerrero as a borderline sexual predator! Lol.
Don't be surprised when reviewers beg for more of this story.
I definitely want more!
| Angels-heart1 chapter 7 . 11/30/2010
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I loved the chapter! I can't stop grinning :D. Loved that she had to ware Guerrero's extra clothes.
Of course hes going to tell her he only has Rohypnol. Loved him saying he didn't only want her to give in to him freely but beg for it. Great bonus chapter! Thank you so much!
| Angels-heart1 chapter 6 . 11/25/2010
I was hoping Maureen and Guerrero would get together, she would get rid of the pissy nothing is good enough husband. I loved that Guerrero called in a favor for Maureen, that was so sweet! If you write a squeal to this I would love to read it! Great story!
| snailboat64 chapter 6 . 11/4/2010
Great story, strong ending. Loved it.
Don't underestimate the frequency with which Guerrero uses the word "dude", it's the only thing missing from his dialogue.
Also I'd recommend steering clear of phrases like "thanking their lucky stars". "Grateful for the distraction" would cover it just as well.
Really enjoy your writing and look forward to more!
| snailboat64 chapter 5 . 11/4/2010
LOVE this chapter!
Almost perfect, but the opening paragraph is a bit clumsy.
replace "most pilots under the given circumstances would have considered too dangerously"
with the shorter "most pilot would consider suicidal"
And replace: "Don't you dare give yourself a pat on the shoulder now", she quickly reprimanded herself. "The most difficult task is still lying ahead of you."
with something like "She hadn't time to dwell on the compliment. The hardest part was yet to come."
I don't like the phrase "with all his might" either but really I'm nit-picking here. This is a great chapter.
| snailboat64 chapter 4 . 11/4/2010
Again I have a problem with the long radio speeches and it's a shame because Winston's speech is spot on.
You obviously can't cut it out, it's too good! My suggestion would be to cut Winston's speech down to the bare bones something like "We knew you'd dig the MI-8MTV-5. We dug around in your past. Your dad... We knew you couldn't resist." And then have the rest of the original speech as her thoughts, not spoken aloud.
It's a shame because it's a great speech but I don't feel it fits just there.
| snailboat64 chapter 3 . 11/4/2010
The pace of this chapter is great. The dialogue is punchier and there is a great sense of urgency.
One small point, don't confuse the narrative voice with the characters' voice. The pilot is far more likely to shout "I see them! He's got the client." than "Chance just emerged from the flash of an explosion, dragging the client with him…"
Overall, a great chapter.
| snailboat64 chapter 2 . 11/4/2010
Maureen seems to have a touch of verbal diarrhoea in this chapter considering she's supposed to be an experienced pilot. Her long winded sentences do not feel right for someone used to using radio communications, especially in a high stress situation. I think some of her dialogue should be more of an internal monologue. I think she would bitch and complain over the radio, but not in so much detail. She worry over the specifics in her head, not out loud.
Quick note on the technical stuff: it's well written but far too detailed for an action sequence. It slows the pace when you are trying to create a sense of urgency. Try to describe what she's doing or how she's doing it, not both.
Guerrero is spot on, as is Winston.
| snailboat64 chapter 1 . 11/4/2010
Less is more.
I know it's a cliché but it's true. Giving the reader too much detail to process seriously slows the pace of the action. Pick what is important for the reader to understand and give them a little credit to fill the blanks on their own.
For example: Chance reasoning out the presence of the mother-in-law was perfect. It was logical, insightful and most important (to me anyway) authentic to his character. It sums up the situation beautifully. The dialogue for the husband and mother-in-law then becomes redundant as Chance has already set the scene. A quick reference to the mother-in-law's screeching voice and the husband's mole-like appearance are all that's needed.
Dealing with the in-laws is a universal experience that doesn't need to be described in detail. Trust your readers to understand the appeal of a high-risk job to someone dealing with the frustrating and mundane!