|Reviews for Hotaru's New Beginning|
| carter lewis chapter 1 . 9/3/2014
| bloodlinenaruto chapter 1 . 9/19/2013
you should keep this one going
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/13/2013
I wander if a tailed beast gets any pleasure from there jinchurikis pleasure
| wolf191000 chapter 1 . 7/15/2012
NICE Love how Naruto and Hotaru get together and the Lemon was HOT.
| Tenma Sosei chapter 1 . 7/9/2012
Uhh wouldn't this be rated M? Also awsome :3
| LordByakuran36 chapter 1 . 6/1/2012
| ChaosMagemon chapter 1 . 6/1/2012
Hotaru is incredibly hot, I feel bad for her though she'll never know what became of her master.
| Iroka chapter 1 . 3/26/2012
Decent story, an interesting read. I found myself continuing to read and not get bored which is a good thing. A lot of fanfics lose my interest by the middle of the chapter. The story wasn't fantastically mind-blowing but was nowhere near bad either. Pretty good story!
Your story really caught my interest because I'm a fan of crack couples. Hotaru is very pretty and I think she and Naruto would be a cute couple. The idea of Naruto mending her heart after the loss of the Utakata is a super awesome idea. I can see Naruto falling for her because of her empathy towards them as jinchuriki. She thought so much Utakata and didn't care what his past was. She'd be an awesome canon character.
Starting off with the defeating Tobi thing, nice opener. It was interesting to see your opinion that Naruto and Sasuke will defeat Tobi together. We have yet to find out but I like that idea even if it turns out to not happen! The whole "and then Sasuke came back to the village" part was really pointless. It didn't contribute anything to the story and was super rushed. For you to go into detail of the aspects of Sasuke coming back to the village would take a story in itself that's why I say it's just moot.
It contributed nothing to Hotaru and Naruto's relationship. Perhaps if you went into detail about the decision for Sasuke to finally return is the very reason that Naruto could now pursue new bonds that involved romance. He finally fulfilled his promise to Sakura and now he is ready to move on. Then it would become much, much more relevant.
I'm not sure where you got the idea that the Uchiha were wrongly accused of anything. When you said that in your story I raised an eyebrow. The Uchiha massacre happened because they were without a doubt planning a coup d'etat, there was no wrong accusation on that. And you have Tsunade say that Koharu and Homura are stripped of their position for it? That was something that they and the Sandaime came to a decision on together. For you to have Tsunade say that is having her accuse her own teacher of doing wrong. Anyways, you got your canon wrong on that but s'all good. I digress.
Sasuke was OOC. After all the whacko stuff he's been doing in the series I don't think a simple "Sorry, council members are fired and here's some land," will suffice for him. Not by a long shot. Which goes back to my point of that part being irrelevant. Sakura was not OOC, I believe she and Sai were okay from what small roll they played.
The Sasuke returning was rushed and the interval between that and Hotaru was zero.
"Hey Sasuke, welcome back."
"Hey there's that one girl Hotaru, she's missing."
"What, omg, gotta go."
zoom zoom zoom
"Okay I'm here where she is. Hey there you are, come to the village with me. Let's go."
zoom zoom zoom.
"I'm staying with Naruto and reviving his clan."
"Oh well okay, nothing shocking about that!"
That's pretty much how it felt when reading it. The shortened sentences are out of my laziness, I'm in no way saying your story went exactly that way. xD Pretty much I'm getting at how incredibly rushed it was. I felt like the story went on fast forward there for a bit. A lot could have and should have been put in between that, in my opinion. It developed so fast.
I feel like you skimmed on plot just to rush to the lemon. Lemons are nice and can express a deep sense of emotion but don't make it the main course. It's nothing more than a garnish to top off an already excellent thing. If you're pandering to an audience who only enjoy lemons, that's perfectly fine. I would suggest to cut off the excess fat of the half attempt at a plot and just focus all your effort into the lemon.
Naruto was OOC, I feel like you didn't capture him at all. OOC is not bad and it's not a crime but you should definitely warn in the description or say so in the author's note. If you warn ahead of time it would cut reviews like mine in half. LOL As I said, the way he interacted with Hotaru was just sooooo... not Naruto. Sleeping in the same bed, her saying she wants to help him revive the Uzumaki clan with him not batting an eye, all of that he didn't give a typical Naruto response. Not saying that he is unable to act mature and miss crucial hints, because he can do both of those but I didn't see any of the Number-One-Knuckle-Headed-Ninja that shines through even in the most recent chapters. His personality has matured some but he has always generally been the same.
"Naruto poured some soap into his hand and started stroking it on Hotaru's flat and soft stomach, making her hips quake in delightful pleasure and Naruto's hand was lead by Hotaru's hand into cupping her ample and huge breast. Naruto's perverted side then came out as he pressed his head in between her breasts and began licking her chest." Poor Naruto, I hope that soap he got in his mouth was edible. LOL I tease, I tease. But I will say that attention to detail will come in handy here. He just put soap on her boobs then licked it. :/
This is my closing statement, you may exhale!
With allllll of that said this story wasn't bad. Actually you're a great writer. I never once got confused by your writing style and you have an ability to constantly keep me in the know of their surroundings. Some people forget to do that in stories. It was an easy, light read and I enjoy those types. Your spelling/grammar was a B. You misspelled only one or two things and I'm sure they were just typos you didn't catch. So really the story was a pleasure to read.
In conclusion it was good but you really should fix your plotting. Go through your story and see what is absolutely necessary and what is just fanfic filler. Don't bunch it up with so much gunk that you rush the main focus. And like I said, pick the audience you're baiting to and just go with that. You can't please everybody.
| oldschool2112 chapter 1 . 5/27/2011
Cute,I liked the"know pain" part,cool quoting.I lold a the shower/jizz in her mouth part very job.
| Reishin Amara chapter 1 . 3/31/2011
| sketchfan chapter 1 . 2/26/2011
again,need ideas,you know who to ask
| Axel Emiya chapter 1 . 1/13/2011
awesome story dude
| xstofer chapter 1 . 11/27/2010
Another great one-shot and lemon. I haven't seen meny of this paring. Again, great job!
| Sephiroth owns u all chapter 1 . 11/14/2010
| Kyuubi16 chapter 1 . 11/11/2010
Well it was interesting and it is a rare pairing, but I didn't feel anything special. Like a lot of my one-shots it felt a bit sudden. Though usually my premises are built around the couple having interacted and known each other for the wild while the lemons are more spontanous.