Reviews for Hide and Seek
maipigen chapter 1 . 2/21/2014
perfect
CharmedbyFire chapter 1 . 9/20/2011
this was SO GOOD. You've kept him so true to his character and your writing is just something else. Just some of the lines you have are just... so good sigh, I really liked this. Poor Taylor, she's such a sweet little girl.
Dawn of the New Year chapter 1 . 4/2/2011
Youe story made me want to finish reading Clockwork even more. I feel like you did the story justice for sure.
kriitikko chapter 1 . 11/7/2010
Ahkay, then. Thought I'd forgotten this, didn't ya?

Maybe I should read Clockwork to get full grasp of this, but I have to say, it was pretty well written that I and anyone not familiar with that fic, could follow it.

You really are into Mr. J, and I don't mean that in the braindead Harley reality challenged fangirl way, but that you understand how scary he can be. And you bring it out really, really well.
Kaya Nah chapter 1 . 11/4/2010
Oh the Oneshot queen is back! XD

I was listening to some Elfman when I read it and when I saw at the end you were listening to Sleep Hollow, my jaw dropped. lol

Sorry it took me time to review...you know I've had an eventful week...

This was great sweetie, not sure I understood everything, but what I got I liked! :D

Kaya
HoistTheColours chapter 1 . 10/28/2010
Lorien Urbani,

I cannot tell you how excited I was upon receiving a message in my inbox informing me that you had written me this tribute fic. I mean, I literally squealed in excitement because I was so happy. I tried not to rush while reading this, but honestly, my eyes were tearing down the page, drinking in every word (and possibly skipping a few, though I did go back and reread the whole thing just in case,) and just reveling in your excellent work. To put it shortly: I am amazed.

You took one of my deleted scenes and totally transformed it (and I do mean /totally/.) You gave it detail, emotion, and added such a fantastic rush of color and dreadful excitement. The anticipation and suspense was to die for - I can’t tell you enough how much I love suspenseful stories, (I think my own writing can justify to that ;) but this was truly heart pounding. In the back of my mind, I somehow knew that Taylor would probably live, only because I felt this wasn’t the right scene for the Joker to murder her in, and also, I know the Joker’s motives, and you pointed out earlier that he was using her as a “part of the plan.”

You have a couple of typos that I wanted to point out, just in case you felt the need to go back and correct them. And honestly, I don’t blame you for making them. You wrote this in one day according to my understanding, so really, you did an excellent job editing; you simply missed a few small things. In the first sentence, “labelled” only has one ‘l’, not two. Secondly: ‘…he wanted to kill Taylor just a few second ago.’ -The word “second” needs to be plural. Thirdly: ‘When he opened the door to their master bedroom and shut them behind him with the hill of a shoe,…’ -I think the word “them” should be “it.” Therefore, “…and shut it behind him with the hill of a shoe.” Fourthly: "Mr. J, can you please fix me teddy?" -I think “me” is supposed to be “my.” Anyway, I hope you don’t feel that I’m being nitpicky, I mean, God knows I make many mistakes in my own writing, but I just want to help improve yours. And like I said before, honestly, I’m impressed. For someone who wrote this in as little as a day, this was practically flawless. My writing is riddled with far more mistakes, and it takes me months to catch errors in my own writing sometimes. Sometimes I’m like, “Why didn’t I notice that before when it was posted six months ago?” Lol.

Now, I have to tell you: I was /shocked/ when Taylor bit the Joker’s wrist. I didn’t see that coming at all, and I think I actually gasped aloud when I read that and covered my mouth in shock. I was just… stunned, but in a good way. Taylor obviously felt that the Joker /was/ going to kill her, and even though she “loves” him, I think she also felt her survival instincts kicking in, and she reacted the way any child in her situation would. Or perhaps… not? Taylor isn’t really like a lot of other children. She’s been abused, neglected, and hurt in more ways than most children could bear… by all means, she’s definitely a broken little girl, but her fight for survival and acceptance is touching, and you made me realize that with this scene. She doesn’t want to die, obviously, so she did the most natural thing that came to her, which was to bite the Joker.

And speaking of him, I loved his reaction to that scene as well. You don’t get to see the Joker show an emotion of shock very often, (he tends to play it cool, even if someone’s pulled a fast one on him, which seldom, if ever, happens,) so I thought it was fitting in this scene that the Joker /did/ show that emotion. I can just see the expression on his face as he lets Taylor slide out of his arms. He didn’t think Taylor had the guts to do such a thing, but she does.

I absolutely LOVED this part by the way: ‘"I'm done with the counting," he announced suddenly, his voice a snake ready to bite her.’ -That last part especially was fantastic! When I first read that, I just went, “Wow, that’s clever.”

Also, just something funny I wanted to say: when you mentioned that Taylor slipped into the closet by the bed, I immediately had a moment of “huh?” because in my mind, I had pictured the closet on the opposite wall, closer to the doorway of the room. Also when Taylor crawled into the closet, I was reminded way back to a scene in chapter three when she does the exact same thing. They played this game of hide and seek before, but it’s practically a whole different “game” in the dark, that’s for sure.

‘Well, the kid was about as subtle as a gun when it came to hiding,…’ -This line made me laugh aloud. I loved it!

‘"Shh, teddy," she whispered to the plush toy, trying to comfort herself by comforting the teddy.’ -This made my heart break, it really did. I stopped reading for a moment and just went, “Aw.” It was just so incredibly poignant, and I loved that moment despite it being so sad, because essentially, it was Taylor trying to comfort herself.

Before I forget, I want to mention the fact that I was excited that there was so much dialogue. Taylor didn’t speak all that much, but I certainly don’t have a problem with the Joker taking the reins so to speak. He was calling the shots, laying down new ground rules, and it was terrifying and fascinating at the same time. You did a good job creating his voice.

‘The darkness was already scary on its own. He was making it a living nightmare.’ -Excellent line, that’s all I can say.

The scene where the Joker touches the tip of his knife to Taylor’s nose was frightening. I can just… so clearly /picture/ him doing that exact thing and it sent shivers up my spine.

Somewhere in the story you mentioned that the Joker offered Taylor one of his “black smiles,” which is just an example of why I love your prose so much.

‘Taylor looked at him both in confusion and understanding, so he explained his demand in more detail. He put the knife back into the pocket of his trousers and she exhaled in relief, wiping the tears from her face and touching his hand in the process. He slapped her hands away angrily, glaring at her, and she shrank against the wall, her eyes two large saucers filled to the brim with fear and uncertainty.’ -Again, another heartbreaking scene. The fact that, even after the Joker scared her nearly half to death, Taylor /still/ comes crawling back to him, wanting his acceptance is so, so sad. Like any child, she desperately wants to feel loved and desired. She needs to be nurtured and cared for, and no one has given her that, no one but the Joker, and even then it’s not the right kind of nurturing. It’s totally for the wrong reasons, and poor Taylor doesn’t understand that he’s just using her. When the Joker slapped her hand away, it made me want to punch him, but I realize he’s only doing what’s natural to him. Not that that should be an excuse for his poor behavior, but the reaction was in character for him, and I guess I shouldn’t expect much else.

And finally, as for the last scene, I loved it. I was happy that you included one of my own original lines as the concluding sentence; that was neat. It was amusing though how the Joker tucked Taylor’s bear in with her and then kind of recoiled on himself after doing so. He probably had a moment of “what am I doing?” and I think he was a bit disgusted by it. I was pleased by the whole scene though and think you got the emotions just right.

To conclude, I just want to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I can tell you put a lot of hard work into this, and I appreciate that so much. Thank you for writing this, and thanks for being such an avid reader of Clockwork, your support is appreciated more than you know.

Awesome, awesome work!

With Deepest Regards,

HoistTheColours
Jeanette chapter 1 . 10/28/2010
Clockwork is one of my favorite stories, and I loved this tribute one shot. Amazing job!