|Reviews for To Survive|
| RoseScor90 chapter 8 . 1/19/2011
It certainly was an implied pairing but nice to read all the same. As for the scores:
Believability – I can actually visualize them behaving this way and I think you’ve captured their essence well, so a 5
Readability – There were a few places were the sentences were awkward so a 3 for that
Enjoyability – There wasn’t much in the way of a direct romance here, so a 4
Shipability – I can completely see that you have paid complete attention to this particular pairing without an reference to your preferred one so a 5 for that!
Total – 17/20
All the best!
| brujon chapter 8 . 12/9/2010
Aww, it's like, If I can't love you this way, I'll love you like a friend. I think that's what it would have been like: the strong friend/sibling-love. I don't know if I can seem them as lovers. But that's what the challenge is for. ;)
| padfoot's prose chapter 8 . 12/5/2010
Well done for competing in The Rival Ships Challenge!
Believability: Due to the lack of context, I found it a bit difficult to get a good idea of where exactly this story stands in Potterverse, and you gave me no clues in the story. Also, a lack of descriptive language meant that there was virtually no establish,ent of characterisation. So, unfortunately, I can only give you a 1 for believability.
Readability: The lack of commas and dashes to break up clauses did make the readability of this somewhat stilited. However, your spelling was good, and your grammar, although not fancy, was correct. I'm glad to give a 4.5 for this.
Enjoyability: There wasn't a lot of description of location, time and people - the basic questions that a story needs to answer (where, when, what, who) weren't really addressed. That caused a fundamental problem with this story, because it was simply impossible to figure out its plot, which left it no plot to follow or meaning to convey. The length of this story also made it difficult to get attached enough to enjoy it. Therefore, I'll give you a 2.
Shipability: I know you found it quite difficult to understand your couple, and I commend you for trying your best to connjure them. However, even taking the difficulty of this couple into account, the lack of a siginificant romantic moments or ideas makes it difficult to detect any ship in this story. You started on a fantastic thread with the second paragraph, but then the idea was dropped, whihc disappointed me. I'll give you 2.5 for taking on this difficult pairing.
This makes your total score 10/20. Well done!
| controlled climb chapter 8 . 12/3/2010
First of all I'd like to congratulate you for taking this challenge - takes guts ;) I loved the way that you tackled this pairing, especially considering the fact that this was given as your "rival" pairing. The scene was lovely and I liked the way that you involved Harry and Hermione.
I would have liked more background to the pairing and a bit more regarding on the romantic side of Dumbledore and McGonagall. I thought the lack of detail did give it a realistic air, but I would have liked to see you delve deeper into the pairing and play with it just a bit more. That being said, you did do an incredible job with Dumbledore's side of the conversation. It did sound a lot like the Dumbledore that JK created and I commend you on that. (:
The plot line confused me a bit. As I said before the scene was very interesting and I liked it. Why Hermione and Harry were casually discussing his love life with him, I'm not quite sure though. Hermione's curiosity is expected, though I found the blunt way she asked was a bit ooc. Harry and Dumbledore were lovely though.
For believability I'll give you a 3.5.
There were a few grammatical and punctuation problems. Mind you, nothing very intrusive.
Your first few uses of the word “though” confused me some. The first use of the word was rather odd. I would have rather that you continued the first sentence and continued with the “though…”. The second use confused me completely. I’m fairy certain that it just wasn’t necessary.
** Those were teh things he loved about her. **
You had tense issues, flipping from past (saying that “Dumbledore said” to present.
** “Okay so do you like her Professor," Hermione questions Dumbledore.” **
This is should be: “Okay, so do you like her, Professor?” Hermione questions Dumbledore.
The commas… well, I don’t really know to explain it, but they do need to be there. And with the questions mark, that’s simply there because she is asking a question.
There were a few issues with commas here and there. I’m not the best at them, so me explaining would be completely horrendous. There’s just one or two there that I would have thought would be better as a hyphen or a semi-colon.
Your writing style did make up for this a lot though. It worked in my opinion – extremely well, too. Some parts were a bit stilted and seemed to be rushed a bit. The sudden time change at the end surprised me, but that’s alright. Like I said before, I really liked the way that you portrayed Dumbledore and his protectiveness of McGonagall.
So with the above in mind, I’d like to award you a 2.5 for readability.
I really did enjoy this piece. The imagery was lovely and I could really picture it and practically hear what each character’s tone sounded like. I can’t say that I’ve read a lot of Dumbledore/McGonagall fics, but out of the few that I have I would like to tell you that this was the only one that didn’t make me cringe and click the “BACK” button.
Taking note of my previous comments, I’ll give you a 3.5 for enjoyability.
Now for the more important part of my scoring criteria – shipability. I think that my comments above have somewhat covered this. Yes, you could have expanded and included more detail. On the other hand, you made it work well and believably.
For that, I’ll give you 4.
This brings you to 13.5 overall, I believe. Do feel free to yell at me should my maths be wrong (never was my best subject...). Great job and I wish you the best of luck regarding the other scores that you will receive.
| Free Dreamer Night Writer chapter 8 . 11/29/2010
So sweet. But what are Ron's thoughts on McGonagall and Dumbledore.
| Dear. Dark. Destiny chapter 7 . 11/22/2010
This was really sweet. I love how you incorporated 'life lessons' into your story. It was sweet. At times it was maybe a bit unreal i guess? But it was sweet. I enjoyed reading it and although maybe your past, present, 2nd and 3rd persons were off a bit, it was understandable and quite nicely done. Great job!
| Rosa Clearwater chapter 6 . 11/17/2010
It's really nice! This is another good Dramione. There were some slip ups in the text, and one or two errors, but overall it was really good :)
| Free Dreamer Night Writer chapter 6 . 11/17/2010
Aww, really sweet. I really connected with them emotionally.
| AngelicKat445 chapter 6 . 11/17/2010
Oooooooooooh! I loved it! I'm not a huge Dramione shipper; I'm more of a Romione gal, y'kno? But this is one of the few Dramione fics I love!
It was so...poetic. Very deep and intimate - not in THAT way though - and made me well up. The ideas were creative, the word flow was perfectly romantic, and I adored it.
One thing: I wish I knew what Hermione's gift to Draco was! Whether you didn't include it or I just missed it, I'm not sure. Either way, well done!
| jeweltheif500 chapter 1 . 11/4/2010
I like how you got so much meaning into so few words!
| youcanreachthestars chapter 5 . 11/4/2010
Thanks for the submission! This was absolutely lovely, it captured a lot of what Snape felt throughout the seventh book, I think, and gave a lot of insight into his character and thoughts. Well done, an excellent read! (And good luck in the other competition!)
| Free Dreamer Night Writer chapter 5 . 11/3/2010
Realy good build up to Snapes final moments. It must have relieved him to hear that Lily had forgiven him
| Marlicat chapter 3 . 11/1/2010
Hmm. Well, I'm going to Google why it is that birds only sing in the morning. Thanks for entering! I enjoyed reading it.
| A.J. Cleary chapter 4 . 11/1/2010
Hahah this was creative :) I really liked it :)
| Free Dreamer Night Writer chapter 4 . 10/30/2010
This chapter was sweet, Sirius is such a good guy deep down.