Reviews for Zenith League
CaptainPrice chapter 2 . 4/8
So I was sifting through some old PMs and I came across one of our old ones where you were mentioning you had a tournament story as well. I found it here and remembered that I actually read the first couple of chapters ages ago. Now I know you were mentioning possibly restarting or continuing this at some point and I know you have improved a lot since you started this story, but I wanted to point out some things that caught my eye.

First off, your story is very well written. Even though there are some grammatical errors, you have a very broad vocabulary and do well with showing the reader what is going on, especially through the views of the characters. Although I think you were very redundant in some bits, namely with describing Seishirou as mysterious. You did that multiple times and even called him enigmatic. In all honesty, you did not have to keep doing that. Once was more than enough to say that was the kind of character he is. I think you also could have cut down on some of the details you had, specifically when you described Seishirou's appearance, and some dialogue bits that seemed a little out of place with the added details. I know I do that often when I introduce characters, but now when I do it I only give like one or two details about them, be it physical features or clothes and save the rest for down the road.

Characterization was pretty good for the most part, but I felt Ash was a little OOC at points. I would say his emotional bit with N was passable, but when you had him cowering in fear of Zekrom, it did not feel right. Ash has never been one to show fear in front of a legendary Pokémon, regardless of it's power. I mean, this is the kid who tried to charge Mewtwo and physically beat him down. He and Charizard also defied and fought against Entei. So it just seems out of place for him to be a huge chicken in front of Zekrom. On top of that his vocabulary seemed a little out of place for him as well. Some points when he said things like "Kin, Hazard," seemed weird too since he usually does not use big words to describe something, although that does come with maturity. As a writer I find myself doing that a bit as well.

Continuing on with that, Seishirou's character. I'm not sure if this is an older version before you modified him, but I can say I'm not fond of him here. I see him as a bit of a snide jerk. Also with his history being non existent for the first seven years of his life and all he seems to remember is the giant black dragon, which I can only assume is Zekrom makes me wonder what exactly you had in mind with that because Zekrom seems to be more fitting for Ash, seems clichéd because of his ties to a possible legendary. He also has aura powers, which I find cliché nowadays since quite a few OCs have that ability. After reading most of the story, I can say that the story seems too focused on him and his team. I know you want to get backstory and all of that for your guy and his team, but when I see Ash and Pikachu as the main character tags for the story, I as a reader, would be more interested in seeing them. In hindsight if you want to make Seishirou a deuteragonist, I would be with that. It would be of benefit to only bring him in when necessary to provide plot progression or character development. The final thing I would hit on this subject would be to cut down on all the nicknames for Pokémon. All those names come as extra things to remember for a reader where it would be easier to just use the actual Pokémon's name like Zoroark, Sceptile, Charmander, etc.

Moving on to some other things that caught my eye here. One thing to keep in mind is not to have OC forms in your story as a chapter and not to take OC submissions through review since that makes your story interactive and can result in it being taken down by the site admins. I would suggest to put the form on your profile page and then have readers submit them to you via PM. Don't take anonymous review submissions at all since anonymity allows multiple chances for the same guy to submit multiple characters. With the form as well, while I agree with the legendary Pokémon bit, I would say to not have shiny Pokémon either. I've gone through some of the reviews and found it a little ridiculous to see things like a snow white or pure black Pikachu. Hopefully flaws, weaknesses and all of that would be included to limit the amount of Mary/Gary Stu submissions.

The last thing I wanted to bring up was Ash's battle with Seishirou and then Trip's battle with him. Personally, again, this is my opinion. I found it quite one sided for both. I would be willing to pass Trip's defeat since I don't like him already and he does not have the experience Seishirou and Ash do, but Ash has been on four in a half journeys by this point in your story, tangled with and defeated legendary Pokémon. I would say that he should have at least knocked out one or drawn with one of Seishirou's Pokémon. For him to get crushed like he did was a little farfetched.

So with all of that said, I would like to close out with this. This story is very well written, interesting, and I'd like to see it continued at some point. As I said before, I'm not sure if you were ever going to continue this or rewrite it, but if you were to do that, I would suggest to take what I said here to mind. Again, I have no problems with OC stories, but if you want to make a story more about your OC, put it in the character tabs instead of using canon characters to be secondary characters over yours. Like I said before, I thought this was going to be more Ash centric, but from what I've seen, it has been more on your OC, submitted OCs and backstory for your character. There's nothing wrong with that, but I would tell you to switch Seishirou's role to a deuteragonist as opposed to a protagonist here. All in all, it's a good story and I will go back and re-read it again to be sure I've caught everything I wanted to address to you. Keep up the quality work.

-CaptainPrice
Silver and Gold Angels chapter 3 . 1/10/2014
Yes, my grammar is very wonderful, thanks for noticing (I doubt YOU can understand sarcasm, bastard.). Actually, the fact that I disabled my PM function speaks volumes about the kind of genius I am, and the kind of dumbass you are. I don't get garbage like unsolicited spam you were probably intending to send me, and you have to talk to me on my own terms. Win-win, motherfucker! And yes, I have stories, put in a very safe place where you can't reach them. By the by, I'm still here, so what does that say about the effectiveness of your report? How pathetically stupid you are... Have fun.

P.S. Ever heard of sarcasm? I doubt it if that's what you write. YOU have a lousy naming sense, as you are definitely not Tendou Souji.
Kiwami no Sengoku chapter 1 . 11/20/2013
Compared to mine, your grammar is just oh so wonderful (I doubt you can understand sarcasm). And the fact that you disabled your PM function speaks volumes about the kind of coward you are. At least I have stories whereas you don't have any. By the by, I've sent a report to the admins about you. Have fun.

P.S. You have a lousy naming sense as you are far from being an angel.
Silver and Gold Angels chapter 2 . 11/20/2013
This story fucking sucks, it nuttin' fucks and sucks donkey cock. This stinking pile of dog feces contains Mary-Sues, lousily written scenes, grammar that rivals that of a mentally disabled hobo, and poor pacing on the part of the sorry excuse for an "author". Additionally, it's as filthy as the used condoms I'm utilizing to fuck your mother. What a fucking bullshit ass waste of time this story is on the part of the readers, who should feel insulted as they are entitled to way better than the crap this dumb moron who calls herself an "author" throws out.
Silver and Gold Angels chapter 1 . 10/19/2013
Yo, Uh. Word. Adjective. Pronoun. Adverb.
Run on and on and on.
Where my gerunds at?
Parenthetical, uh.

Shit motherfucker ass tits cunt cock motherfucker shit ass tits motherfucker shit
Come on
Fickity-fuck fickity-fuck fickity-fuck fickity-fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Shit motherfucker ass tits cunt cock motherfucker shit ass tits motherfucker shit
Come on
Fickity-fuck fickity-fuck fickity-fuck fickity-fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

You take some shit, put it up on the wall, check it out for a while.
You take that shit up off of the wall, put it down on the floor in a glass bowl.
You take some fuck, put it up on the wall where the shit used to be.
You take that fuck up off of the wall, put it down on the floor
with the shit in a glass bowl
What? Yo, here's another little piece of advice-vice

You take some fuck then some shit
then some fuck then some shit
You've got a fuck-shit stack
A fuck-shit stack

Take some fuck then some shit
then some fuck then some shit
You've got a fuck-shit stack
A fuck-shit stack

It's a stack of fuck-shit on top of itself, nigga

I make references to weaponry
Ancient, on you
I wear bullet-proof vests for no apparent reason
other than to create a false sense of importance
of which I could never retain on my own.
I like to create a buffer memory of incredulity
So y'all motherfuckers could never get near to me.

I'm a cartoon character.
You'll never be able to be like me! (me me)

I like women
I like women
I like the concept of a woman
I like to take that concept and reduce it to an object
I like to take those objects and put 'em in my videos
Have them shake they jiggly bits so they looks like hoes

I like to take some car polish, smear it all over they asses
and buff that shit out so it looks like fresh peaches and shit.
I like to take some more of that car polish and smear it all over they tits
and buff that shit out so it looks all sparkly, like diamond necklaces and shit.

Why?

Cuz I'm a lady's man
a lady's man
a la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-lady's man

I'm a materialist.
I'm a materialist.
I'll take a piece-of-shit car and I'll lower the motherfuckah;
Put some 18-inch rims on the motherfuckah;
Take some neon, put it underneath the motherfuckah
so when I roll around this town it looks like a hover (hover hover)

I like to take a flat-panel display monitor,
put one on the steering column,
one inside of the glovebox,
one on top of the dashboard,
two in back of the headrests,
one mounted in the ceiling,
two still in the motherfucking packaging, on the back seat
so when my motherfucking friends go and sit on the shit and break it (word?)
I can honestly say:

I. Just. Don't. Give. A. Fuck.

You take some fuck then some shit
then some fuck then some shit
You've got a fuck-shit stack
A fuck-shit stack

Take some fuck then some shit
then some fuck then some shit
You've got a fuck-shit stack
A fuck-shit stack

Take some fuck then some shit
then some fuck then some shit
You've got a fuck-shit stack
A fuck-shit stack

Take some fuck then some shit
then some fuck then some shit
You've got a fuck-shit stack
A fuck-shit stack

It's a stack of fuck-shit on top of itself, nigga

Yo, where my girls at?
Where my girls at?
Where my grills at?
Where my grills at?

Where my girls at?
Where my girls at?
Where my grills at?
Where my grills at?
(Where is they?)

Fuck shit, fuck shit,
Fuck shit, fuck shit

Fuck shit, fuck shit,
Fuck shit, fuck shit.
Silver and Gold Angels chapter 12 . 10/19/2013
You fucking retard! Only a brain dead moron would read this piece of asswipe bullshit, motherfucker. Where did you learn how to write? In a brothel? Bloody hell, what a disgrace to the literary world this poor excuse for a "story" is...
Dustchu chapter 12 . 8/24/2013
Another great chapter of pure unfiltered UBBERAWEPICDARYENSS! :D :D :D I am loving it! :D

great work awesome writing and amazing job, this chapter was Extremely funny! XD XD

loved the different emotions that I saw Leon do. XD So much funny! :D I loved it! :D keep it up my friend! :D

well, you did an awesome job and amazing work, I love this story and I am looking forward to the next new chapter of awesomeness. please take your time with it and happy writing till next time.

-Dustchu: May the Aura be with you. *Salutes* Kudos friend. :)
Dustchu chapter 11 . 8/24/2013
Boring? I loved it! :D great work on it my friend! :D :D

That little scene between Trip and his Serperior, XD XD Too much! I lol' so hard! :D I loved it! :D

great job and awesome work on this chapter, keep it up and next chapter shall be just as awesome :D :D :D :D ! I am loving this! :D
Dustchu chapter 10 . 8/24/2013
Ahhhh! I know Leon! :D Pokemon Uprising! :D love that story! :D

Hmm, interesting little tidbit about Caedes, very interesting indeed. I'm getting more and more intrigued by this.
I liked that little scene between Caedes and Aqua. would it be weird if I shipped them? probably but meh.

Chainsaw maniac? seems legit. :) Crazy mofo.

good work on this chapter and nice work on everything. I love it! :D keep it up buddy! :D
Dustchu chapter 9 . 8/24/2013
Wow, that was dark. Snap Crackle Pop Rice Deerling. :P

good chapter and nice work on it, very... Gory. I love it! :D keep it up! :D
Dustchu chapter 8 . 8/24/2013
Another Awesome chapter! :D I am loving it! :D more awesome battles and more awesomeness! keep it up my friend!

I am loving how you write this, it is Brilliant! I can't wait to get to the next chapter! :D
Dustchu chapter 7 . 8/24/2013
Wow, just. wow, these battles have been Intense! damn you put on a good show! :D I am loving it!

And it keep getting more and more interesting, keep it up and awesome job and writing on this chapter.

Kudos my friend! :D
Dustchu chapter 6 . 8/24/2013
Whoa, that was an intense battle. I enjoyed immensely! :D great job on it.

and what is about Levis? I love a good mystery, and I love figuring them out even more! :D I am loving this! :D

The more I read of this the more interesting it gets, I am loving your style of writing. Its amazing and awesome! :D keep it up my friend! :)
Dustchu chapter 5 . 8/24/2013
Another awesome chapter of awesomeness! :D the first groups have been drawn, I smell something interesting about to happen, I am loving it! :D

the competition looks tough, wonder how Ash will fare? keep it up! :D
Dustchu chapter 4 . 8/24/2013
I like your battle writing skills, very interesting and awesome! :D they're great! :D

I like how you introduce the characters, I like the detail of them, as well as the description o the whole City. I love it! :D

and I have a question for you, if you could PM me I would appreciate it greatly.

Awesome work and amazing writing my friend, keep it up and next chapter I go! :D
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