|Reviews for His Butler, Of Course|
| Guest chapter 1 . 6/29/2012
| cookies111 chapter 1 . 3/11/2011
Oh simply heart wrenching. Poor sebastian, hes so heart broken without ciel :'C
| LittleCopperRidingHood chapter 1 . 1/4/2011
with every word I read I felt all the lonliness Sebastian felt. that was a very wonderful story and I can't thank you enough for creating it. I felt myself chock up a little when Sebastian was writing the letters to Ciel, I don't know why but that part really got me. I found myself thinking how happy I am that Claude was there to snach Ciel away, and have him live. thanks again.
| flick knife chapter 1 . 11/11/2010
Riiiiight theeen. Let me seeeee. I'mma go full on review on yo' ass as I read it through. So it'll be awesome. Take nothing personally. Not that I know if there'll be anything to take personally yet.
First sentence seems a little long, particularly with the amount of description in it. There's often no need to add an adjective to each thing that pops up, as sometimes it can seem to much. Perhaps describing every other thing, so it doesn't seem as description stuff could be better at times.
... I'm going to assume "let go though of the young boy though" has already been pointed out...
I reckon "his lips never..." would be better if it was reversed. Like "not a single word had slipped through his lips..." it would probably make it flow better.
You could also probably revise the sentence that is the third paragraph. The contents are good, the wording seems rushed and lazy. ... same with the fourth paragraph. And again with the fifth. That really could be joined to the previous one.
It seems you need to find a tone, and stick with it. First paragraph was very detailed and the second able to conjure images. Then bam, three paragraphs of "this is what happens. I shall list it. With barely any detail. LIKE A ROBOT :"
I like the one about the servants though. I forget which number paragraph we're now on. That's good until the last sentence which make little sense. 'cept given the 3rd person tone you're taking, "they would" would probably sound better than "they'd".
You use "of course" a lot by the looks of it. -_-
You do your list thing again with the "then after the tutor had left"... just FYI.
Oh, I like the thing about the letters :D It's bitter sweet.
And then the violin lessons, especially that it's the most simple of the characters that can understand shows how obvious Sebastian's problems and emotions are.
With the comments of Bard's cooking, once again you need to try and find a tone and stick to it, for the most part. Sombre and serious about Ciel's death is sort of trashed by phrases like "didn't take a genius" and whatnot.
I like the discussion on Ciel's childish traits too, with his staying up and what not.
... wondering, not wandering. Wandering is a slow meandering walk :P
Saying Finnian was forbidden from the part of the garden, rather than "not touch or see" may be more effective as well, or rewording that little bit. It seems rather awkward.
Ooh, interesting and creative curse (though "if you will" should probably be between commas). But yes. I like the idea of the curse, and what it must be exchanged for, showing Sebastian's true dedication to Ciel. The talking is also adorable (but revise your wording to make it more adorable :) and I love Sebastian's adoration of receiving orders and having to say his phrase and bow, seemingly no matter how small the demand.
Iii liked the repetition of the first and last paragraph, it ties it up nicely. ... but I gotta admit, I don't get the "of course" bit... I may be being dumb though.
All in all it's a beautiful idea and story line, but really needs to just be reworks and have more attention paid in certain areas. And if you really want to get into it, read it out loud because that often helps realise where you've used a certain phrase too many times, or where certain sentences don't work.
| Lilith Evanson chapter 1 . 11/11/2010
This broke my heart! So amazing...
| TheDarkestButterfly chapter 1 . 11/4/2010
i flipping loooooooove this~ Its amazing and i loooooooove it ! ... did you get i love it? XD
| Muirenn chapter 1 . 10/30/2010
Awww! Sebas-chan! Poor BB!
| LordCielPhantomhive chapter 1 . 10/30/2010
Very sad, but I loved it. Excellent job! 3
| RainbowGummyRawrz chapter 1 . 10/30/2010
Awwwwwwwwww~ This story was so sad yet soooo~ sweet I loved it and from what I could see only a few grammar mistakes here and there Keep up the good work . x3D