|Reviews for Finding Home|
| Xyzantylzethyrioses chapter 2 . 2/2
Story certainly makes sense thus far.
When you start a spoken sentence, then interrupt it, and continue it later in the same written sentence, use a comma. "Stuff someone says," said a person, "is usually interesting."
Sazh's wife details are a bit different than "canon" (Episode Zero), but then again the whole story would not have happened if you were following canon because there's FFXIII-2. So not really any complaint. But his wife being alive during the 13 days is sort of an awkward thing to have exist. Sort of like some people killing off/keeping Bartholomew Estheim in wacky ways.
| deadaccount66644 chapter 5 . 10/20/2013
I loved this hope you keep it going XD
| Silentx32 chapter 5 . 4/22/2012
What a great read can't wait to start Tainted Fal'Cie :)
| Higurashi-Naku chapter 5 . 2/21/2012
This was really good! I wasn't expecting this to have a sequel! I think I'll have to go take a look at "Tainted Fal'Cie". Can't wait to see what happens! And for Fang and Vanille to come back! :)
| Desniffication chapter 2 . 2/21/2012
Aww man i absolutely love dis chapter! It definely explains waht Light wud feel wif vanille and fang gone also evryone is in character which makes it more...well... Perfect! :D
| Choboco ProdoCo chapter 5 . 7/29/2011
This chapter, I cannot even begin to describe how amazing it was.
The part where Fang and Vanille made my eyes wet. No streaming, sobing tears, but still.
The thing with the Farron sisters made me laugh, too.
I never thought I'd miss Vanille's annoying British/Austrailian/What the crap voice, but I've spent a night just knowing she may never come out, and it makes me sad. Even though I watched the end AGAIN, I still miss it. You know what I mean?
| Choboco ProdoCo chapter 2 . 7/29/2011
Hi! Stupid name, I know. But sine I constantly change...
First- *Sobs* Why? Why did you leave me, guys? You saved Cocoon! Why didn't you Un-cristillize when everyone else did? *Cries*
Second- This is awesome! One of the things I love about this is that you are one of the authors that don't go flaunting around their knowlage of Lightning's real name. Sheesh, people. Serah mentioned it ONCE. AND THAT WASN'T EVEN REALLY SERAH!
Third- I get that you are a critic, but sereously dude. You can't go growling at every story three times in a row about things none of the rest of us can point out.
| KissLand chapter 5 . 6/20/2011
Wow this was truly a great start on an amazing story you got going :) I love the emotion you bring to your writing and how each character interacts with one another. I loved the close moments with Light and Serah and when Light was stuck in the dream world with Fang and Vanille. Also you write battle scenes pretty well. Great job overall :) Totally going on my Favs.
| An Underpaid Critic chapter 3 . 3/27/2011
This is by far your best chapter. You know what would make it even better? If you cut out the firs ten lines of dialogue. They seem like filler.
Other comments: stick to the action scenes. They are much better than your character interactions. This is about as close as you have come to a hook in three chapters. Since this story (as near as I can tell) is only five chapters long, I think you have probably lost a good percentage of your readers by now.
Anyways, hopefully this has been useful to you. Good luck with the writing gig.
| An Underpaid Critic chapter 2 . 3/27/2011
Too much pointless drama. Allow me to sum up this chapter in five lines (without quotations)
Sazh: Light, dinner's cold
Sazh: Waah! My wife left me
Light: Is there a way ever to stop the pain
Sazh: Cliche Line
Seriously, that's about what you wrote. If you want to be a professional novelist...try harder. Write descriptions, take an English class, do something. I'll give you one more chapter, but honestly your hook should have happened as soon as possible. Your hook is what gets your readers...reading. If there is no hook, I can guarantee you that no one is going to read, let alone buy your novels.
| An Underpaid Critic chapter 1 . 3/27/2011
A friend of mine asked me to review this story. Generally I am not one for drama since there seems to be entirely too much angst and Emo's. To the purpose though:
Decent start, if a bit too dialogue heavy. You have a beautiful fantasy world to play with, try to work in a couple of descriptions of the fantastic beasts. Samething with the scenery. Your a little bit post game...how has the civilization formed? Have the people of cocoon gone to live in tree houses or is their technology slightly more advanced? You've got a lot to work with here, so do not limit yourself to dialogue.
| tlrc chapter 5 . 2/20/2011
"but Light and Fang will not be partnering up together. They are just really close friends. "
Yeah, I like that way.
| Scraggles chapter 5 . 2/5/2011
Ah, beautiful! I cried at least twice, and laughed too. Really, very nice piece of work.
Keep on writing!
| FiveThreeTen chapter 5 . 1/4/2011
I like to see Snow so caring towards Light . He acts like an idiot in the game but he is a nice idiot .
Nearly blow up the kitchen though...
And it must be some high rank mission Cieth to slaughter everyone like that guess I will have to read the sequel. And no Flight isn't a deal-breaker for reading your story XD (even if I like Flight)
| denebtenoh chapter 2 . 11/26/2010
wow... you almost made me cry... dare I say something? it looked as if you KNEW what it felt like, as if youve already experienced it... the description was too perfect to ignore... Ive felt that aching, I know what it feels like, and the way you described it almost made it alive again. Burning inside my chest once more.
Congratulations for your wonderful skills! please keep on writting it! I love it!