Reviews for Harry Potter vs Mr Potato Head
Guest chapter 1 . 4/20
Ouch
And you could.. even say that Ron while talking to Mr Potato Head finally starts feeling guilty and goes to rescue Hermione, maybe Neville tags along.
Ron hovers club and knocks the thing out, not much change there.
Or maybe Ron actually allerts Percy..
Meerhawk chapter 1 . 1/18
This is hilarious and scarily accurate.
a response chapter 1 . 10/14/2016
...I really wish I could find my account login information...

Anyway. I have a few... okay read a LOT of issues with this, and I'm going to try to write them all out here for posterity. I am aware that, at best, you have not been in the Potter fandom for several years judging by Partially-Kissed Hero, which I remember almost reading through and running out of tolerance around the time nuclear bombs were being thrown around. It was a year or two ago. Anyway, I ran across you again as I fell into the Naruto fandom (somehow? without actually watching the show?), though I could determine that your fic probably wasn't going to be my cup of tea, and that's okay, I just didn't read it.

I did read this, though, because I was curious: how the heck do you get philosophical ramblings on Harry Potter related to a Mr. Potatohead? Unfortunately, I realized quickly that this, if anything, seems to be a rant about how much you hate the Harry Potter series, which, okay, I guess is fine, but as an ardent quidditch player, a happy member of the Hufflepuff house, a beater, a girl who recently discovered her cat patronus, a happy optimist, someone who never really grew up out of eleven-year-old me happily reading the books with my dad, I can't help but feel you're completely missing the spirit of things.

See, Harry Potter is a story about choice, and here, you try to imply that there is no choice involved at all.

I will acknowledge that Book 1 is not the best Harry Potter has to offer, and the series comes into its own in Book 3, takes a short nosedive in Book 4, and then grows and matures through the next three books to make a wonderful message. I will acknowledge that Book 1 only barely starts to drop into the main themes of the books.

So, here's the thing though: I don't think the story would play out like this with, let's say, an oddly-shaped lamp at all. Even if we suspend disbelief and say Lily CHOOSES to sacrifice herself for the doll, even if we assume the Dursley's hate them, even if we assume they somehow get school supplies and... well, things fall apart here. What happens to the brother wand? Who sees that Hargid pulls something small out of a vault? The train doesn't help, either- Harry CHOOSES to ask the Weasleys for help. Harry CHOOSES Ron over Draco- an inanimate object cannot make that choice.

The sorting just pisses me off. First off: as much as a proud 'Puff as I am, I have to say: the books say that HUFFLEPUFF takes the rest, not Gryffindor. And Pettigrew... he shows inklings of bravery in the end, and this is a story about choice. Harry CHOOSES Gryffindor. He chooses to be brave over choosing to be great, and I think this is where you have your issue with him: Harry chooses to be humble over choosing to be known. Harry chooses to be passive, maybe, but-

-if Harry was incapable of acting, who would even find out about the stone in the first place? Who would notice something had been stolen from Gringotts the same day he was there, the same day Hagrid took something mysterious out? A trap door might be noticed, but Hermione doesn't break the rules so much and Ron, he has no reason to be curious yet. (Here, you get the order of events wrong- the duel happens before the troll, but I can forgive that- my memory is too long, and the oddest things stick to it.)

No. If Harry was incapable of acting, Hermione would be dead- and you assume she's rescued, but no. Hermione Granger, a girl young me looked at with pride and could say "she's like me! she's like me and she chose bravery over the pursuit of knowledge- that makes me happy!", is dead. From there? Who was Nicholas Flamel? Our group may never know. They certainly don't know that-

Pause. Let us go back. If Harry Potter was an ill fated doll, trapped by the same curse that put him in place, and he got to the train station, Ron Weasley picked him up and felt like crying, because this boy had once been a hero to him. (In another life, this boy would be his best friend, and in some ways, Ron is an odd type of pure Gryffindor in the ways Harry and Hermione and Neville are not, and this would be the boy Ron risks his life to fish out of a lake, and this would be the boy who helped Ron meet the person he would someday marry, but in this life, this is not to be.)

His first thought is: "I can't tell Ginny- I can't tell anyone- their hearts will be broken if he's gone, but more broken if he's right here and can't here him." The thought is less coherent, of course, and Ron is heartbroken himself, not just because Harry is the Boy-Who-Lived, but because Harry is a boy. (This Ron never has problems with jealousy, but this Ron has to grow up all that much faster, and this Ron is not happy.)

But Ron Weasley carries the doll with him anyway, because he thinks: "this should be his story, not mine."

This, is what I think, would make an interesting concept, but I digress- I tend to ramble, you'll find. My point is more this: of course Harry Potter is an ordinary boy thrust into extraordinary circumstances. Of course he doesn't have extra powers, or even a good idea of what to do, but- Harry Potter dives in after a troll for a girl he barely likes because once upon a time he finally got a choice and he chose to be brave, he chose to be good, instead of choosing to be great, and the true mark of a hero is never the person who acts the most, it is never the person who has the best abilities, it is never simply a mark of who is strongest.

A hero is someone who chooses to be a hero, who makes the best of bad circumstances, and does what he thinks is right, in the end.

A hero doesn't have to be the person who drives the plot forward- a hero just has to be the person we feel the greatest for when he falls along its tracks.

A hero doesn't have to be the protagonist (though in Harry Potter it is) and a hero doesn't have to be the person with the flashiest magic (in Harry Potter, it's certainly not Harry himself who is the strongest). A hero is simply- well. Harry Potter was a boy who threw himself into battle when he didn't have to, not really. While certainly, Voldemort would have chased him, he could have turned around when Dumbledore died. He could have turned around when his trust in Dumbledore was broken. He could have become the demon he faced, too- Harry Potter and Voldemort, after all, are similar people, but Harry Potter chose to be GOOD while Voldemort chose to be GREAT.

A hero is- a hero is someone who makes the decision to be one. No prophesy forced him to- Dumbledore told Harry he could back out, but in the end, the prophecy is only fulfilled because Harry Potter will do anything to protect his friends.

This is a story about choice. So when Harry Potter chooses to die for his friends, it is the most powerful magic of all.

I am screaming against a wall, I know. I am trying to explain problems with something that I imagine was written in jest. I, a fanfiction writer myself (though never for this fandom), understand wish-fulfillment. I fell into Naruto because I love Team 7 fics, after all, and Harry Potter remains dear to me because it's about the kinds of people I could aspire to be- broken, flawed, people. Harry is snarky and unobservant and only okay at magic at best and yes, he doesn't take the initiative nearly enough. Ron is jealous and overlooked and constantly afraid he'll be buried under the heavy shadow of the greatness around him. Hermione is over-analytical and stubborn and bad at communicating and condescending. But their human traits are what make them something I love.

So I guess... I started this planning to make a logical argument no one will hear or care about, but I don't think that will work, and I fell into emotion, but- I think our definitions of hero differ greatly.

I think the people we want as the characters in our story differ greatly.

I think that my words will mean nothing at all.

But here, I think, is what disturbs me most about this story- it seems to me that the Harry Potter you want isn't human at all. The Harry Potter you want takes the story and bends it to his will. And that- that's not a story I'll enjoy reading. That's why, taking a step back, I had to stop your other Harry Potter fanfiction- because the Harry there ceased to be HUMAN in the way the original Harry was, and I couldn't take it any longer.

...

...I think I will finish my physics homework now, and when I find my account information again, I will post one more review to tell you who I am so you can respond, if you'd like. I simply had to get this out of my system.

Go Hufflepuff. Go Mountaineer Quidditch.

May the choices we make be what defines us.
popcornrocks13 chapter 1 . 9/20/2016
You sir just made me rethink all the Harry Potter books. I never thought of it in this way and I thank you for giving this for us to read and think over. Now if you will excuse me I have to go read the Harry Potter fanfiction that is in mg libraries, I am on mobile, just to reafirm that Harry is a hero to mostbof us
I Wish I Could Go To Hogwarts chapter 1 . 8/30/2016
Harry is the one who thinks of Charlie.
Corwyn chapter 1 . 8/18/2016
:cackle:

Thanks for sharing this bit of delightful silliness - which is completely true.
ArtimuosJackson chapter 1 . 8/17/2016
Not everyone is Batman dude or Robin
BabbyGirl93 chapter 1 . 7/12/2016
I love this it's brillant
RHJunior chapter 1 . 5/5/2016
That's probably why Harry's relatable. Be honest, do you feel like YOU are the initiator of events in your life? Or, like most people, are you constantly in the position of merely dealing with whatever comes hurtling your way as best you can?
vysirez chapter 1 . 3/13/2016
I have to say I agree with this. It's one of the things I dislike about the cannon books. Harry is very passive throughout the whole series. Then after book 4 it's like JKR realized she was in danger of having an above average protagonist and so stopped all development, not that there was a lot before that.
LiveForeverOrDieTrying chapter 1 . 1/28/2016
So, how are you holding up? Because I'm a potato.

But maybe a talking potato-that-lived could have convinced the lazy lout of a weasly to go fight the troll, then weasly pisses himself in terror and throws the hairy potato at the troll, distracting it and saving Hermoine. No change. It's a magical world, why not have a creepy-ass sentient Mr Potato Head that beat a dark lord?

I may have to write a one-shot along those lines if I get really bored.
Saissa chapter 1 . 10/13/2015
Excellent analysis - No wonder I stopped reading the books after the Tri-wizard tournament - they were becoming very REPETITIVE!
thedwo chapter 1 . 8/13/2015
LOL! This is one of the best ways to describe canon!Harry I've ever seen. Much better than calling him a lazy doormat.

Also one of the big reasons why I refuse to do anything with canon HP anymore.
nutmuff chapter 1 . 7/23/2015
Whoa, you make a really good point! Then again, you have to take into consideration Harry's personality, and how, in effect, it managed to secure the loyalties and help from all the aforementioned characters. Without being the kind, caring child he was, Harry would not have had Ron to carry him around, Hermione to get past trials and tribulations, Hagrid to give him info or any of the other characters that performed actions to help Harry along the way. Granted, most of the help Harry received was automatic, like his mother's protection, and the centaur defending him, which could be extended to any child, not just Harry. The point I'm getting at though is that although Harry himself did not project any special skills or knowledge (aside from flying and speaking to snakes), if he had not gathered together select individuals and made use of them correctly, the situation could have very well deteriorated well beyond what did happen: namely, Voldemort getting the stone and returning to full power. Thousands would have been killed and the world plunged into another dark age of magic.
So while I completely agree with your assessment that Harry should be related to a doll in terms of his actual participation in the events in the story, his involvement does not stop merely there. What should be said about Harry is that, while not a hero (who IS at 11 years old?!), he is instead a charismatic and good LEADER. He assembled people who could accomplish what couldn't be done by their strengths individually, and proved to be the glue that stuck such odds and ends people together (like Loony Luna, Neville, Hermione, Dobby...). He was the ONE person who accepted anyone, indiscriminately. And while this may be seen as a doll-like characteristic (passively accepting any friendly person who came along), maybe in the end, being a doll wasn't such a bad thing.
quadraticutie chapter 1 . 7/5/2015
oh my god this is ridiculous you are completely correct
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