Reviews for Patriot's Dawn
Guest chapter 23 . 5/27
This feels massively overcomplicated for basically no reason. Naruto's "beat them up in person and try to covertly notify ANBU" plan seems much worse than the obvious "beat the shadow clone and find ANBU/Jiraiya for retrieval" alternative. Kabuto's "pin the blame on Naruto" mission is completely circumstantial and not remotely convincing (he hasn't hit anyone with Asuma's knives in like 15 chapters). It would be much simpler to let Naruto take the infiltration mission – this changes nothing from Naruto's end (except maybe making Orochimaru's offers more tempting/interesting) while the village still has to figure out the loyalty questions with regard to Sasuke (and, really, would always have to worry about Orochimaru turning him, whether he left of his own will or not). chapter 8 . 5/13
How does it make sense to have me stop reading a dozen times per fight to Google what all these Japanese terms and techniques mean? It's extremely immersion breaking. I could understand it it was only terms like Bunshin, Ninken etc, but many of these are specific techniques that aren't seen often, and sometimes not even used by any of the main cast. I feel like I might drop this soon and go read something else, if only to spare myself the frustration. Maybe being more descriptive when these terms are used would help if they aren't translated.
ChimamireNoBara22 chapter 25 . 4/27
Naruto reeeeeally can't catch a break ToT
I hope things start looking up for him in the sequel!
ChimamireNoBara22 chapter 11 . 4/26
F**k f**k f**k...he just can't catch a break! T.T
I love your writing! It's so immersive and easy to follow. The way you write the characters seems so natural and cohesive...even if you seem to love torturing our poor blonde cinnamon roll ToT
ChimamireNoBara22 chapter 8 . 4/26
It's so well written! I'm sobbing ToT
ChimamireNoBara22 chapter 7 . 4/25
O.O What...what the hell!? Amazing writing, but what the hell!? I really hope that that was some kind of genjutsu or something ToT
Stormhound12 chapter 20 . 4/22
I hope we get some more plot progression for nightfall. It's fun seeing the take Naruto has on hokage and I like the dynamic between him and tsunade.
sovietgod03 chapter 2 . 4/13
Didn't Kakashi demand Naruto?
sdpuffy chapter 1 . 4/7
Don’t exactly like how easily Asuma lost. He contended with S rank shinobi just to lose to an A rank. Not to mention having Yamato killed off just as easily seems kinda forced
Goten Askil chapter 24 . 3/30
Great story in general, only thing that feels weird here is how easily Naruto's defection is believed. He just rejected a golden opportunity to cover that same defection not 2 days before, Tsunade should doubt it much more than she does. Though she hasn't known him long and knows exactly how much reason he has to resent Konoha so that's understandable (and it's understandable that she not let the genin see any doubt anyway).
But I was honestly surprised at how fast Ino and Kiba were convinced. Like, I get that not everyone can be as hard-headed as canon Naruto about a teammate turning traitor, but just an X-cross cut and they immediately jump to wanting to kill him? Wow, I can almost imagine nuke-nin Naruto learning that and then looking them in disgust, all "That's all the proof you needed?". Certainly puts their bond as a team in perspective.
If you really want them to believe the betrayal, I'd advice that Kabuto at least do a better framing job. I was expecting him to simulate the Rasengan injuries he himself suffered, at least, or even use a sample of Kyuubi's chakra that Orochimaru would have gotten from god knows where (the Fuma clan village, for example). That at least would point solely to Naruto. Any ninja can make a cut.
Guest chapter 26 . 2/2
May I ask what happened to the sequel?
LiveFreeDieWell chapter 4 . 1/26
I know story is complete :) this is for other readers out there.

I'm stopping on this chapter (didn't even finish). Sorry, I was looking forward to it but the author was pushing it at the dirty talk with 12 year olds. Being ninjas does not equal suddenly being sexual. They might experience it earlier than civilians but not fast and casual like this right out of graduation.

Also why is Ino so strong? The time jumps are all over and very glossed over, as with the bam they all killed on some mission and its all good, just one sentence.
Voicemailbox45 chapter 4 . 1/11
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You're sexualizing children
So I'll abandon this story too
MASK3D-B4TT4LION chapter 5 . 1/10
And itachishit dont have any lesson to give to Naruto ! Anyway he would not talking with this shit head !
MASK3D-B4TT4LION chapter 14 . 1/10
Stupid damn shit ankobitch dont lick the cheek of Naruto, he and Ino would not let this happen ! And stop saying you are a pro because you have wrong... Also
hinatashit love kibashit not Naruto !
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