Reviews for Patriot's Dawn |
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![]() ![]() ![]() nice story. changing naruto while still keeping his canon personality albeit suppressed while atull making changes to the canon story. the changes are believable enough while entertaining as well. id ont really care for the romance though, it requires more oomph to it and was very bland. ino just changing her goals i can kinda understand when asuma teaches her but little unbelievable as canon asuma is kinda lazy. i do like that the hypocrisy of the villagers is brought in early as naruto is still a child here and also did not go through the journey with jiraiya making him grow up as just a child not a shinobi or jinchuriki and in canon kishimoto just makes naruto toss aside his hate making him a messiah like figure which i just so much hate. he learns to live with it but we don't really see the hate return. he just treats naruto like a god and not really a human child and i hate that so much. i hope you potray that in your sequel that i am going to go read right now. i enjoy your fights you really write them good. |
![]() ![]() ![]() good story so far. good pacing, believable and fun dialogue. but this is where i check out. i forgot why i didn't finish this story the first time so I'm leaving myself a reminder not to bother trying again. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Why do authors constantly feel the need to insert a relationship into their otherwise good story? I quite literally don't care about Ino and now I'm just gonna skip these scenes. |
![]() ![]() Too many bitches bitchin on'a comsec |
![]() ![]() Just dont kill ino plss or I'll snap mass report aint so hard to do |
![]() ![]() ![]() Meh… no… Team Seven is really, really unblalanced. A lasy tachian, a bookworm fangir, and a prodigy uchiha. Not only that, but a soon to be intellegent gathering/ninjutsu specialist, a soon to be Support/Medic Ninja/Genjutsu specialist and a infiltration/Frontal Assault/Ninjutsu/Genjutsu specialist. No, Team Seveb was really unbalanced, i mean, sure, Cannon Team Seven wasnt quite balanced right either, but Shikamaru, Sasuke and Sakura arent what id chose personally. I mean, Sasuke and Naruto dont have to be on a team together but there were still better options, like, Sakura couldve been with Shino and Choki (A potential Intellegance Gathering/Tracking specialist and a Taijutsu/Frontal Assault specialist would go well with a potential support Genjutsu/Medic nin specialist) ive been liking the story so far, but you definately didnt think these teams through enough. And if you want to know my opinion, then what i wouldve chosen are these. (I would Switch Shikamarus and Sasukes positions but you obviously dont want Naruto on a team with Sasuke) Team Seven: Naruto Uzumaki (Potential Frontal Assault/Infiltration. Potential Ninjutsu/Fuinjutsu specialist). Hinata Hyuga (Potential Tracking/Frontal Assault. Taijutsu/Medic Ninja specialist). Shikamaru Nara (Potential Information Gathering/Tachtian. Ninjutsu/Trapping Specialist). Team 8: Sakura Haruno (Potential Tachtian/Infiltration, Genjutsu/Medic Ninja Specialist). Shino Aburame (Potential Tracking/intellegence, Trapping/Ninjutsu Specialist) Choji Akimichi (Potential Frontal Assault/Ambush, Taijutsu/Ninjutsu Specialist) Team 10: Sasuke Uchiha (Potential Frontal Assault/Asassination, Ninjutsu/Genjutsu Specialist) Kiba Inazuka (Potential Frontal Assault/Tracking, Taijutsu/Traps Specialist) Ino Yamanaka (Potential Information Gathering/Infiktration, Ninjutsu/Genjutsu Specialist. This was just roughly 1 minute if thinking if there potential specialitys and dynamik, if you ever make another Naruto fic again, just take what i said into consideration. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I think your making these changes a bit yoo quickly, i understand you just want the old naruto out of the way and everything, but it takes time for someone to change so drastically, time you arent showing us and instead is skipping. |
![]() ![]() ![]() omg ur 31 years old now, talk abt patience |
![]() ![]() ![]() DarkHunter10 why r u so pressed bro if u have a problem just write it urself HAAHAH aint no way u is aruing with a tory that ended 5 years again |
![]() ![]() ![]() "thirteen years of hatred cannot be undone that easily"... Um yes it can... It apparently FORMED in under 24 hours! The fox had been a part of konoha since it's inception... They NEVER had a problem with it before, and never had a problem with ANY of the previous jinchuriki.. ALL THAT formed in LESS THEN A DAY... They abandoned GENERATIONS of customs and previously held beliefs IN UNDER A DAY (impossible I know, BUT that's the story). So really abandoning the "new" thing just to revert to the PREVIOUS way of thinking, is actually pretty easy to understand. Naruto in canon seems MORE powerful.. You said that this story would have naruto actually "realizing his potential"... But he NEEDED A ROOT SQUAD here, to beat garaa... He didn't need ANYONE before... Here, Naruto's teachers drop like flies... In canon, NOBODY died on his watch... So you might have WANTED to portray a more powerful and believable naruto, but your ACTUALLY showing a MUCH WEAKER one. Naruto might NOT have the rinnegan or Minato's brains.. But he DOES have the shadow clones.. LOADS AND LOADS of shadow clones.. That alone should make a master at ANY nin jutsu fairly easily. He can literally spend entire LIFETIMES of hours learning each and every jutsu in DAYS! .. About the only risk I can see, is "mental burnout".. If he uses so many clones to start racking up jutsu.. His brain is going to behave and believe it is MUCH older then his body. AKA... He's going to be PHYSICALLY young.. But "feel" ancient. Jiraiya DOES seem to be REALLY "dragging his feet" with training naruto... And NARUTO NEEDS TO QUIT with the only expiation he gives the sannin being: "I need to get stronger"... He needs to TELL HIM, he knows about the Akatsuki AND that orochi wants him... He needs stronger YESTERDAY... Not WAITING or WHATEVER it is, you have jiraiya doing... The only one really getting STRONGER in this story (just like canon) IS SASUKE! Not naruto... If I wanted to read a sasuke story, I'd just read canon. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Wait, how is Hayate dead? Kabuto was revealed as a spy WAAAAAAAY earlier then canon, so he COULDN'T have met with Baki, if he didn't meet with Baki... There was no way Hayate spotted them and got killed.. and that's WITHOUT thinking that Suna's nin wouldn't be watched like hawks (since the "intelligence" division apparently knew about this WAAAAY earlier).. And that's not even going INTO how much of wrench the "barrier division" throws in this. I can tell this is going to be LOOOOOOONG chapter if your trying to "cling" to canon. (IT'S barely comprehensible as is, with all the retcons) And this story has QUITE a few differences from it, that should make it JUST about nonsensical. Going against an equal? HUH.. Last time I did any counting... 9 was more then 1... So not EXACTLY an "equal". Also, garaa.. Not an Uzumaki... So there is that problem too.. Better comparison to an "equal" to naruto is nageto.. aka.. pein.. (especially if he had a "whole" body). it wouldn't have taken THIS long to drain garaa.. AGAIN... HE'S ONLY THE ONE TAIL! That does put him ABOVE kisame but the first's ability has to be "battle ready" for fighting the HIGHER TAILS... Meaning it can't be SLOW, especially for the LEAST of the tailed beasts. Oh and WHY ISN'T THERE AN ENTIRE TEAM of anbu against kabuto? NOBODY shows up in the area IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SPOTLIGHT... THAT IS MORONIC. Another two Jounin dead huh? One to kabuto and one to baki.. You really CHEW through the ally jounin huh? Makes me really wonder AGAIN, how the village has continued to exist.. It KINDA COULDN'T, at the rate your going.,, IT never would have MADE IT to start the story. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Wait, naruto was ALREADY told garaa was the jinchuriki and that he would be fighting him, by the hokage, SEVERAL chapters ago...And between all the hints Jiraiya, the senile monkey, Orochimaru AND kabuto have been dropping to him, shouldn't naruto have pieced together the whole oto invasion? Nothing danzo has said SHOULD be "new" news... The ONLY difference between Danzo's "news" and what the hokage said was that bit with "killing garaa"... Naruto was to "neutralize" him, but "permanent solutions" were never discussed... With Danzo? This does NOT surprise me.. Danzo DID let one thing "slip".. (or the author did).. That naruto's previous dream was something that they shared... Well if danzo is THAT OLD? He shouldn't have that dream anymore... He would have HAD to have been passed over A LOT... Soooooo... He should have changed his dream. Grown up... The fact he DIDN'T.. AND has never been heard of by anyone, despite being older then dirt? Does NOT say good things here... (at least to a REASONABLE mind) |
![]() ![]() ![]() "the barrier corps"? YOU DO HAVE THAT IN THIS ONE? You realize that would have kinda made the "crush" impossible right? Not to mention they should be able to track/find Orochi FAIRLY easily... In canon it is easy to dismiss, since it's a RETCON and kishimoto hadn't THOUGHT OF IT by the crush.. Then went ahead and added it retroactively later (even though it REALLY shoots the konoha crush's "plan" in the foot) bur with them being here now?.. Ohhh so many problems. Um a team finishes as one OR THEY DON'T FINISH... You had anko tell them all IN THIS STORY, the ENTIRE team finishes or the team is tossed... So how does Kabuto's team being here make sense? Kinda stupid for the exams to be a "substitute for war".. If MOST of the combatants are from THE SAME VILLAGE... That means even this much of the hokage's speech is BULLSHIT. Never understood why ANYONE from the a village would ever be paired up against someone from the same village... Because then the battle actually means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Jiraiya thinking naruto doesn't know what real problems are?.. ROFL.. The Akatsuki, dealing with demons, death of a sensei, a village that can't seem to stand him and that he's beginning to not stand either, orochi offering to take him in, a heritage stolen from him, his father's last orders being shit all over, a hokge that has an I.Q. lower then his SHOE SIZE... Yup, "NO PROBLEMS AT ALL"... Oh and Tsunade gets to keep whining about a dead brother and lover, that died before MOST OF THE CHARACTERS WERE EVEN BORN!(the brother thing sucks, but seems kinda a common occurrence in leaf.. The lover?.. Just PICK ANOTHER). |
![]() ![]() ![]() "the odds of the two meeting during these exams are minimal at best"? SERIOUSLY? NOBODY IS THAT STUPID! How does the third figure that?(tea leaves? Throwing darts at a dart board? tarot cards? It's most CERTAINLY NOT logic).. It's the PRIME TIME that they WOULD meet... Lack of security, LOADS of unknown people coming into the village... Putting naruto up in a neon light to the scrutiny and notice of every village, for some WEIRD reason... YEAH it's nearly GUARANTEED... I know the third is PRETTY STUPID and suffering from Alzheimer's Disease.. But you'd think SOMEONE would point out how faulty this thinking is. Isn't the UCHIHA supposed to be the "bait"? Considering that it's his eyes that KINDA factor into Orochimaru's LIFE LONG DREAM/AMBITION? So TWO baits? That's PRETTY STUPID too. (not to mention, A GREAT WASTE OF RESOURCES) "What would you have me do instead?".. Well a FEW suggestions come to mind FAIRLY quickly (as in with very little thought involved)... Kill orochimaru (or seal him).. Snatch up garaa while he's in the forest and SEAL HIM, kill the armies that have to AMASS around the village before they do anything... Use "SHARRINGAN kakashi" on the Ichibi... CANCEL the exams... Snatch Kabuto up... There is half a dozen better plans that took about 4 seconds to think of. "any attack would be considered an act that would potentially drag... etc".. Um AREN'T THEY doing an "act of war" already? Seems to me, Orochi and co. have already moved PAST "potentially"... Into "yeah, it's an act of war"... FINDING orochi before the battle, would be impossible? STICK CLOSE TO THE "BAITS", isn't that the POINT OF HAVING THEM! That's why it's STUPID TO HAVE TWO! The "logic" here, is really non-existent. And no, Orochimaru hasn't "outdone himself".. It's a PRETTY STRAIGHTFORWARD play... It's just konoha keeps letting him DO TOO MUCH... |
![]() ![]() Had to give this a reread after you updated Nightfall. Man, I just binged this too hard, but it was awesome to jump back into this. Awesome. Can't wait to head back to Nightfall! |