|Reviews for The rise of a deputy chapter 1|
| Nature's Leftovers chapter 1 . 12/10/2010
I have some advice from a fellow writer.
When you write the next chapter, try to use the 'Enter' key more so it looks like this:
A black tom walked accross the clearing of thunderclan camp. the black tom walked into a den covered by bramble,
only a beatiful white she-cat lay in the center of the den cleaning herself.
"hello hawkpaw" the she-cat said putting her head on her paws.
It'll look a lot better then just a block of text and it'll make it seem longer.
Also, use a wider variation of words, more capitalization and better punctuation, like this:
A black tom walked accross the clearing of Thunderclan camp and padded into a entrance that was covered by brambles.
Only a beautiful white she-cat lay in the center of the den, cleaning herself.
"Hello, Hawkpaw." the she-cat purred, resting her head on her paws.
But anyways, the story looks good so far. :)