|Reviews for Severus Halloween Surprise|
| Katya chapter 1 . 11/8/2013
One of the best stories I've ever read! I hope you carry on writing!
| theHuntress101 chapter 1 . 1/27/2013
Cool one shot.
| Heart.Or.Head chapter 1 . 9/30/2011
Cool but sad Harry and Ron were quite cruel to Hermione sometimes and it works in this story.
| Hope'sInnerMind chapter 1 . 6/23/2011
Cute...very cute! Nice!
| gemini rose chapter 1 . 1/15/2011
wats the title of ur nxt story then?
| the-omnomnom-phenomenon chapter 1 . 12/29/2010
| TimetravelingArchaeologist chapter 1 . 11/3/2010
I think you have a long way to go before your writing style is anywhere near polished enough to publish.
Your plot line was good but confusing. It needed a definite timeline to follow. I was confused as to why Hermione became pregnant to begin with, why she hid it, who or what the voices in their heads were, why shes on the outs with Snape, etc.
I know as a one shot you don't want to put too much into your scenes but you need to describe things in more detail for me to clearly picture things.
The character's dialogue and interaction was really out of character. Perhaps a Brit-picker would be a good start. When you use someone else's characters you have to try and stay true to who they are or risk losing your reader in the confusion it creates. It's much easier to write original characters for this reason, though not necessarily easier to write a fully fleshed out story.
When your characters speak you don't aways have to use the word 'said' There are many words to break up the monotony of this.
I haven't read all of your work but I see that your longer stories seem different than this one. I look forward to reading more of your work.
I do hope that you take this as constructive. I just see a large disconnect from when you post on wiktt and now you write your stories. I almost don't believe it's the same person.
I'm no great writer myself. In fact I'm lazy about it, post only a small percentage of my work, and only write fanfiction.
| JaneA0202 chapter 1 . 11/2/2010
I didnt know If I should leave the review or not...because I didnt like this story, Im not saying that its bad, its not, only that I didnt like it...when I read the summary I imagined different situations...
| notwritten chapter 1 . 11/1/2010
Interesting story. Keep smiling. :-)
| sjrodgers23 chapter 1 . 11/1/2010
love the one shot. keep on writing
more please keep writing thanks