|Reviews for Fatal Attraction|
| Luna chapter 5 . 4/1/2014
While I really like the ideas you've presented (ie. her producing an excess of blood after meeting him and his strange condition), the way you've framed it needs some work. While intriguing, there are too many logical leaps to comfortably work through. If there was some hint or at least a plausible frame-work to work on, not only would the story be more mysterious and intense, it would also be more enjoyable to read.
I would also suggest double-checking facts and medical information when writing. Even if you aren't getting into the technical aspects, some slight knowledge of medical procedure creates a realistic air which solidifies the world-building and setting development.
To start here are some questions raised that should be addressed if you revise:
1. Why is someone supposedly crazy-enough to be in a straight jacket in a normal class? Some sort of general explanation would be required even if it's something as simple as his having something like extreme OCD causing himself to claw and bite himself but making him harmless to others or even something as bizarre as his having some psychological trauma making him feel "safe" in such garb and requiring it to keep from panic attacks.
2. Next, why would the guards allow him in unsupervised quarters with a young women who only mildly provoked them?
Reason strongly suggests that if he is as dangerous to himself or others are requiring the particular outfit he has on and supervision in a class by bodyguards, that those bodyguards would not allow him to remain somewhere unsupervised-especially with an unknown person who could do any number of things (like taking off the jacket as she did). Similarly, they would not be so uncouth and easily provoked as to put him into tutoring with anyone particularly not an unknown person-especially not if they know he's a vampire and don't want it to get out.
We need some sort of build up to such a situation. Such as, for example, his doing poorly in class and requiring remedial assistance after having shown himself on good behavior and the teachers or guards noting he preforms better in the presence of Rebecca.
3. Why would a doctor cut his patient with a needle at that?
For a more realistic story even making up a medical term would add more credibility, then to add to that medical procedure even in such a situation would not condone use of a needle to cut someone's wrist. The damage done by the needle would likely be too extensive, and CONTROLLED bloodletting is preformed only after chemical agents prove ineffective in treating a hypertensive crisis. Lowering blood pressure too quickly can be just as dangerous as high-blood pressure or hypertension.
4. Why would someone unable to use their hands, voice, or even feet artistically be in an art class?
If it were purely lecture, this can be understandable, but given you suggest it is a practical class, I don't really understand how this arrangement works. Art classes of the type you've presented are highly practical and feature a lot of studio time. He would not be able to make use of it, making it a wasted effort.
5. Why is his straight-jacket so easy to remove?
His guards seem paranoid and over-reactive. Unlikeliness of being in this situation in the first place aside; it seems very strange that some sort of preventative measure wouldn't be taken to make it difficult for others to remove his straight jacket-especially if there are nefarious purposes for the whole thing.
| Guest chapter 10 . 1/2/2014
This is an amazing story. I have been reading for a long time and sometimes it is hard to find good material. But this story is golden... so far.
| Guest chapter 35 . 10/13/2013
There is a reason why i stop watching vampire series,the plot lines jst get so tangled and next thing theres use of one plot line:in your case she cant love him nonsense. Your story had potential but you jst ruined it. Sorry i dont like your female lead so im off reading it
| Xenobia Ryane Whitlock chapter 1 . 1/30/2013
This was an amazing story. I loved the plot, and you kept me in suspense with wanting to know how everything was developing betweent the characters. You kept us entranced and your writing style was very smooth and flowed very well. You're an amazing writer and i hope to be reading more of your work in the future. So, keep writing and being amazing. If you havent you should post this to fiction press and wattpad so that more people can read this.! Happy Writing
Lotz of Luv,
Xenobia Ryane Whitlock
| lover in the shadow chapter 44 . 1/20/2013
I finished your story within two days...Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! I loved it OMG I'm like laughing and crying at the same time right now! You are an amazing writer! You made it easy to get in touch with the characters.. but I have to admit it got a little confusing at the end but I still loved every bit of it...please write lots more stories! Oh and Congrats your the first author I'm following!
| Blue fantaisie chapter 11 . 11/9/2012
Best chapter so far, and what a cliffie!
| thelittlekitten chapter 1 . 10/28/2012
So I don't know if anyone has brought this up, but I just finished your story and its the little things that bug me. It's barely, not barley... Barley is grain and barely is almost. Just had to put that out there. Call me the grammar nazi
| EldoradoGirl14 chapter 8 . 9/30/2012
you did just fine I like it because you never really get to see Kalins pov so I liked it. Tell your fiance that he did a good job to. :)
| rubiediamond chapter 8 . 9/22/2012
I didnt knw u like BoA. I love her too and Eat You Up is my favorite song by her! Love the story,too!
| Guest chapter 2 . 9/18/2012
Dam why did it have to end? Very good story keep it up!
| Guest chapter 1 . 9/12/2012
Seriously feels like I'm reading a published book :)
| alistarsmusic chapter 44 . 9/10/2012
Ahhh! It's over?! Why?! Gosh I want it to continue from here but I guess it's okay. Since there will be a sequel. But it's all going to be in Fortis's POV? That will be different...Anyways I loved this story! And I can't wait for the next one! Thanks for sharing this amazing story with us readers :D
| Sophia123 chapter 43 . 7/22/2012
You cannot stop there! Hurry and update please :)
| alistarsmusic chapter 43 . 7/10/2012
I wonder if Becca will ever forgive and be more civil with Philip? He is her father too...And the ending of this chapter...just so suspenseful. I wonder what her mother is doing there? And I love the relationship between Kalin's sister and Becca. It means the in-laws don't have a problem with each other and get along. But Elizabeth is Fortis's daughter...very surprising. I can't wait to read more! Doing an amazing job!
| alistarsmusic chapter 42 . 7/10/2012
I just love the way Kalin treats Becca. The way a woman should be treated. And he cares about the way she feels. And I'm so glad that Elizabeth is back in the picture. She is such a sweet girl. But I feel bad that Becca has to deal with all of Kalin's clan staring at her as if she's not part of them.