|Reviews for The House Of Black and White Bata testing|
| FlameOfIllumination chapter 1 . 2/3/2012
Always capitalize Potter. 'gotten' is not a word, always use 'got'.
Nothing not 'noting'. Capitalize Harry and Express. Staring not 'starring'.
Don't start a sentence with 'As'. Therefore, not 'there for'. Don't start a sentence with 'because, and, or 'even'
Your friend, not 'you're friend'. You're is short for you are.
Her not 'here'.
Meet not 'meat'.
British people don't say 'candy' they say sweets or lollies.
Straight not 'strait'. Hey not 'Hay'.
Weasley not 'Wesley'.
I'm really tired now, so I'm going to stop, but I really think you should consider getting a beta.
| readsalot2002 chapter 1 . 10/23/2011
this story has a good start but i found it hard to read because of all the errors in it. one of the other authors i read has hit some writers block but is still looking to beta some story so you may want to pm her. Phoenix Burst is her pen name
| Basilisk1 chapter 1 . 2/26/2011
Interesting to say the least, can't say much else as I'm reading at least 4 other fics at the moment, but it is a good beginning. If it counts for anything; I'm favoriting&alerting this story.
| Basilisk1 chapter 3 . 12/12/2010
It's nice to see a nice Draco that's not saccharin-sweet if you know what I mean.
| Basilisk1 chapter 2 . 12/12/2010
Interesting friendship pairing Harry and Draco i would've never seen it coming
| azphxbrd chapter 8 . 12/10/2010
I knew that Dumbledore wouldn't willing let Harry have his total freedom when he said "No" when asked about the Potter will.I am glad Draco could see through the smoke screen that Dumbledore was putting up,I hope he keep Harry on has a different life others,He is married to three ladies at such a young up the good work.
| steve m potter chapter 8 . 12/9/2010
It seems that u moved this story ahead alot harry marrying three girls and the girls and him having sex and then harry compining the house of black and white taking the house of grey so good job.
Ok please dont get mad at me but theres alot of things that didnt make this chapter as enjoyable as some past ones. first things were not well written, second the misspelling of alot of words and not the use of the right word. like its gringotts not greengotts, it should be Mrs. Potter not Miss. Potter and it should be Mrs. Weasley not Miss. weasley when u talk about molly and seeing as hermione and ginny r now married to harry it should be Mrs. or lady.
I dont have any room to speak like I've said before do to my terrible writing but there r so many mistakes that it makes the story sometimes hard to read. I suggest finding a beta to help with alot of the spelling and fixing any other mistakes.
An heres my biggest complate as I have said before I look forward to your futre lemons in the story and not when its a dream. Well I some what want to take that back in this chapter it seems that when u wrote this lemon your were still in the dream world and not in the real world.
First off all of the girls breast sizes and harrys dick size were hard to believe at that age first off hermione and ginny if they had breast that big at the age of thirteen and eleven they have back problems, hermiones can be a little more belivable at that age but ginnys not so much when there both done growing up there breast would be at least D's if not bigger. Next is harry at the age of tweleve if he had a ten inch dick it be thirteen inchs or bigger by the time hes done growing.
Next is the fact of the lost of virginty with the three girl all that young most of all ginny and them having a hymen most likely do to the fact they all said they were virgins there first time with harry would have been painful for them most of all do to the fact that harry is so large so its hard to believe all the girls having four orgasms with harry inside of them do the fact they be in pain. also seeing as it was harrys first time he would have had a harder time controlling himself and he also would of had trouble figuring out what to do. Then there the fact that they all seemed to be sex goods, not very confencing for a bunch of virgins I do understand this is a story and it set in the magical world and its AU and all. but I have read many first time stories that have harry, hermione, ginny and many other girls in them but at least they mention the pain the girls experince and they have harry wait for the girls to tell him to move not to just start pounding into which would cause even more pain for the girl and not creating any pleasure at all for the female.
I hate to be mean but it seemed that u almost rushed this chapter and didnt put any thought into it. I still cant wait to see what happens so please keep up the good work and please update soon.
| Bobmin356 chapter 3 . 12/7/2010
Three chapters and I can read no more. I want to bleach out my brain to wash the stain this has created from my memories.
Character names are routinely spelled incorrectly.
Tense, sentence and grammar errors abound to the point where your English teacher would probably commit suicide in shame for the poor job he/she has done.
Names should be Capitalized, but rarely are in this glop.
Every time some one different begins to speak you need to start a new paragraph. A fact which escapes you. Oh and sentences, even "spoken" ones, still start off with a Capital letter in the first word.
Get a beta, if you have one, fire them and get a real beta. If you don't have one, get one.
| Bobmin356 chapter 2 . 12/7/2010
Seriously, what language is this written in? Sure as hell isn't English.
| azphxbrd chapter 7 . 12/6/2010
I wonder what Dumbledore has up his sleeves,He iss taking Harry to the bank to claim the Lordships of Slytherin and isn't right,he whats to measure out Harry's freedom to maitain his control of Harry.
| steve m potter chapter 7 . 12/6/2010
Once again we get a tease of smut and once again it is well written I do look forward to when u right the true first time between harry and the girls when its not a dream and for real even though there a few years away.
I like that dobby got to make a apperance again and that he was trying to warn people and he also helped harry figure out that lucius doesnt like him, maybe dobby can be set free by draco after he finds out what his father has done and dobby becomes harrys house elf instead.
I like the inclusion of the house of gray it forshadows alot and gray fits harry better then black and white also since harry is the heir to house black and white and needs heirs for thouse two houses what becomes of house of gray does its never have a heir or is one needed? Also for when u do make the wife for the house I think ginny should either be the wife for the house of white or gray or lady potter were hermione and the other girls take the other houses.
If I could have it my way I think that ginny should be lady white do to the fact that the house of white comes from the potter family and she did become a potter in the books, Hermione should be the lady of gray and tonks should become the lady of black do to the fact the house of black comes from the black family. The other girls should fit into the other houses harry owns like slytherin and gryffindor.
I dont no who this elizabeth greenwald is is she a oc character and if so please do not add her to the harem, I dont think she be a good inclusion and her character isnt well explained and she doesnt seem interesting like ginny and hermione. One thing I do like is the fact that ginny is growing more into the harem and seeming to fit prefectly.
the one thing I did love was the reaction draco gives for finding out he has to protect more people it should be fun to see how he reacts to when more girls join, also loved the fact that ron is staying hate able and the fact he seems canon is great I loved when he and draco got in a fight for draco sleeping in the same bed as him even though I dont blam ron for that I be pissed to to find another dude in the same bed as me.
Ok last I hate to be mean here and I dont have any room seeing as my speeling sucks but u need a beta not only to help with the speeling but to fix little errors like I dont know if I missed somthing but did u meen fawkes not forks, because I dont know if I missed somthing because I dont remeber bird by the name of forks anywhere in your story or in the books.
I cant wait to see what happens so please keep up the good work and please update soon.
| growlerlight chapter 6 . 12/5/2010
I am enjoying this story but your spelling has been very distracting.
| steve m potter chapter 6 . 12/1/2010
I felt that u moved this story real fast this chapter and didnt get to feel the shock of anderas death I meen harrys gurdain just died and harry gets over so fast and then we jumped to summer, then new friends, then school and then a new bond.
One thing that confused me was yes harry would have to have gone back to the dursleys and he did order them around and they agreed but why did petunia suddenly become so nice to harry what was her purpose, did harry put a spell on her or did harry being away effect her and made her notice how wrong she treated and she figured that it is now time to make admends with harry?
So heres what I did like I like the fact that u included the twins into marduers along with ginny and that u had harry stay at the weasleys. The next thing I liked was the fact that dobby got a apperance but got shot down by draco which confused me why wouldnt draco have wondered why dobby was there and order dobby to tell him why he came?
Next was the fact that the issiue of tom riddle has been set in place mr. malfoy has set the trap, but the trap might have been noticed with the warning by odin so when ginny writes in tom riddle diary they will notice the name riddle and get rid of it.
My two faviorite things though were first the fact that we got r first hint of smut even if it was little and i do hope the lemons r much stronger then the little dream and if they r great.
The next was the fact that ginny joined the bond yes what I have been waiting for and Im glad that u took some of my advice and made it that ginny had a stronger bond and control of the other girls, for the way u bonded ginny was interesting I sorta like that odin had a role in the bond it made it seem that harry didnt make the mistake this time and was forced into the bond which I liked do to the fact that they both will have ruff patchs but will grow to love eachother do to the fact oding knew they were ment for one another.
I also liked that harry showed that he was alpha and told ginny off and the fact hermione stood up for ginny and agreed with the bond was nice.
I cant wait to see what happen so please keep up the great work and please update soon.
| sandiprudhomme chapter 1 . 11/29/2010
I am very sorry but after only the first couple of paragraphs the story could be interesting but it very unreadable. As it is hard to understand as your words are very disjointed. Please repost after you found a beta
| Dark Dragen chapter 5 . 11/29/2010
not bad mate, can't wait to read more