|Reviews for The Lost Civilization|
| KimranReech chapter 4 . 4/16
Part 4 of my review because I can’t post it all at once:
These whole problems that came with the change in style are bad enough as they are, but they sadly interconnected themselves with some other decisions you made, which on their own would be nothing wrong about, are even cool or meaningful, but in a gruel notion of fate now worsen the problem even further.
First would be the Alatreon scene again…which was fucking awesome...Levin literally flicking his finger at the beast and walking away like a boss…silencing the voices and his uncontrollable anger now and forever, deeming Ellie more important. Love it.
Yeah, but remember how I tried to explain that Levin lost almost all of his personality after that because you didn’t show anything of it anymore?...Well now add onto this that he now didn’t even became angry anymore, which was one of his main character traits before that…do you see the problem? It of course was not wrong to solve his anger issues, far from it. It was great character development. But, with that even the last notable feature of him just vanished while the others were already gone and they, other than the anger, went without a bang.
The next would be Levin switching from the Greatsword to the Switch-axe…
…hey, don’t look at me like that. I adore the switch axe, it is my favorite weapon in game and Levin getting one was a great Idea, but like I said there came a problem with it.
Your fights were always very tactical using the differences in Ellie’s and Levin’s weapon preference to great effect, showing us true teamwork with both of them, making the fights really dynamic, Levin jumping in and out defending him and Ellie while Ellie in turn would use the cover for a new plan or surprise attack. Nothing of sorts was possible with the new weapon that couldn’t block and none of the many other characters that were now almost always in the fights had a weapon to emulate it…no one with a blocking ability except for Nox with his Sword and Shield, but he wasn’t a team fighter until the final battle. So we had now 4-6 Characters on screen that would help each other out and plan something sometimes, but would rarely really fight as ‘one’…again the fights were still epic…I just want to clarify that something was lost even if they stayed great overall.
I could go on for hours about this problem, but if I didn’t manage to at least make you think about it by now even if it’s just a little bit, then there would be no point in continuing further anyway.
I hope I wrote that decent enough and you could at least understand where I was coming from. Remember how I called this problem major in my eyes but still extremely strange because it didn’t destroy your story? Your Arcs were not less engaging, not less carefully and brilliant thought out, the narrative still as detailed in the fights and by the world building as before, the reactions of the character in the finale of each arc still brilliant and meaningful…but it still felt strange…and I wasn’t able to overlook it.
Not only because it was just wrong (in my eyes) from a story telling perspective to let the characters only interact if absolutely necessary, but more so since you had already included it for most of your story before that. And I no matter how hard I thought and tried to find an answer just couldn’t determine why you would willingly omit something that worked perfectly fine before.
So, I, like I already told you came to the conclusion that you just plain and simple didn’t noticed it. Which in my eyes made a lot of sense…I mean you surely don’t read your story often from beginning to finish, but rather I assume that you read your last written chapter several times to check it and that every other small info and bits you want to remember is noted somewhere on your PC…so yeah, there would be no point to read the story or several chapters in a row…’and if you read one’ I thought to myself, what would be the things you looked after and made certain that they were amazing and worked right? Surely not the small interactions, but the plot driven points and the finale in every chapter…
And if this is truly the case then I can totally understand it even if it would make me no less sad about it.
I would really like to hear what the true answer to this was, because all I can do is speculate.
Only you can tell me.
Ah you know after this lets just point out some of the things that I disliked or didn’t like as much in your story besides from thing major thingy. They are more or less only small things and would be the reason why I wouldn’t call your story perfect even if the interaction bit would have been still there.
-Too many Characters in fights. While I loved almost everyone in your story I can’t get around to mention that to always have not 4, but even 5 or 6 people in a fight is rather overkill and you yourself mentioned that especially fights were hard to write and to distribute the screen time to all characters equally.
-Marshalls back-story…mhh this is a very small thing, but still. Was it really necessary to dump every last info of Marshall in one little scene at the end? I mean I still remember when in the city of the Hunter exam someone mentioned that he heard from Marshall because of something other than the Jhen Mora fight…couldn’t you bring up some bits of it sooner after that? I mean that was almost at the beginning of the story and we didn’t get anything in between till the end.
-‘Warning nitpick alarm’…it was mentioned by someone after the hunter exam that there was a hunter with twin blades who did something that shouldn’t have been possible with the interior power of the blades…we never heard something about this again. I mention this because you surprised me to such an extreme with your epilogue were you would wrap up almost every small thing that I thought you had forgotten, except for that.
- Jino…I like the old guy…but…he was introduced so late in the story and he still got a place in the freaking end fight…I must say that Kim would have deserved this place a lot more, after all the torment and ‘training’ she had gone through in your story.
-I really don’t like it when very, very important characters are intructed just at the end of the story out of nowhere…the strange man who was with the veggie elder…is the one I mean…and that apparently without his doings Levin and the others wouldn’t have managed to slay the Alateron was a little of putting if I’m honest.
- And well last but not least the only thing that I would call a little bit more ‘major’ like the one before, but also only because it is something that irked me personally.
That Ellie never remembered being attacked by Nax in the Barroth hunt…it just really, really irks me…not only because she didn’t remember, but since it just never came up again.
Hell, not even Nax used it and he was a character where I could have bet on that he would use it to infuriate and mock Levin or Ellie, if not at the Barioth fight then at least in ‘Malefica’. Especially in the last fight to spout his false superiority around. Don’t get me wrong I’m totally okay with it that he was killed off by our big Dragon friend being utterly annihilated and such our main characters weren’t forced to get their hands dirty for such a lowlife, but that Ellie didn’t got at least one good punch in for it…just reaaalllly let me stand unsatisfied.
Well, thats it. Sorry, I tried to keep this short…but failed horribly…
Let me again say how amazing your story is and that nothing of the things I said can change that in my mind. I truly love it.
I didn’t read the DLC story, but I will…I think that they are more short story like? Maybe I am lucky and you wrote some in your old style…that can’t compensate for what was lacking in this story, but still.
Okay, just because I have absolutely no dignity if it comes to something like this, I now get literally onto my fucking knees and beg you…literally, beg you a stranger on the internet, that if you write your successor story(like you mentioned at the end of ‘The Lost Civilization’) that you again show a little more and bring the Interactions and characters a little more to life outside of the plot again, like you did in the first half of TLC…seriously if you want money I give you freaking money…here take it *throws money at the screen*…happy now?...please?
Okay begging finished, but I mean it…
Well, see you next time on the DLC story and let me again say that I was very honored to have found and read this story.
| KimranReech chapter 3 . 4/16
Part 3 of my review because I can’t post it all at once:
I am someone who doesn’t believe in perfection, but still always searches for something that comes close. And your story was something of these ‘close’ somethings. Every point you used in your story was exceptional good no matter what it was and that never changed of the course of the story…yes, WHAT you wrote didn’t good worse, everything THAT you wrote was exactly or (very closely) how I as a reader wanted it no matter the point of the story we were in.
‘SO WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM THEN KIMRAN?’ you surely ask.
Hear me out on this. It’s so easy and still so heavy.
You changed your writing style.
To be more correct, you changed a part of your style or you could say that…a part of your writing style just…vanished.
I don’t know if this was your intention and only you can tell me that, but I personally came to the conclusion that you simply didn’t noticed that you omitted it.
I first noticed that something was ‘wrong’ in the ‘Barioth arc’ were it apparently slowly started, but I just shrugged it off thinking that the strange and detached feeling that somehow now lingered in your writing was only since I hated Nax and I thus was biased about what I read.
But, then as the aftermath of the Barioth hunt came and Levin and Ellie both worked to protect the caravan, which dragged over the amount of some weeks, it became clearer and I noticed for the first time what it was that felt off.
You stopped ‘showing’ us what was happening.
No, that’s not quite right. You still ‘showed’ us everything that was PLOT related, but you stopped to show us anything beyond that. Remember when I mentioned how you would occasionally ‘show’ us what the characters would do or talk about even if it was not amass? Making them feel alive and giving us new info’s about them at the same time?
It just vanished.
If you ask yourself what the big deal or the consequences because of that were…let me tell you and believe me if I say that it is nothing minor or irrelevant even if it may sound that way at first.
You didn’t ‘show’ us anything anymore that wasn’t related for the plot…and no it wasn’t that we wouldn’t hear about what the characters would do outside of the plot, because you now began to ONLY ‘tell’ it to us, not showing anything anymore.
All the characters were affected by this, but it hit Ellie and Levin the worst…going as far that they wouldn’t exchange words between each other if the plot didn’t demand it…and oh boy I hope I don’t need to clarify that it is NOT good, if your characters only talk to further the plot, no matter how good and meaningful these conversations are.
But, there were still excuses…Levin was mentally unstable so you didn’t showed us anything because of that? Right? He was so obsessed with killing the Alateron that he almost let Ellie die after all, so that must be the reason…and I would have been okay with that. But, he then made his choice and deemed Ellie more important than his revenge, bringing his mind to peace and making him more the Levin we all loved again…or so I thought… but it just went even more downhill from there.
So…I read this on my e-book reader were your story was shown at the total length of 2350 pages…the said Alatreon scene was at 1100 or 1200…so there were over 1000 pages…almost half of the story between this and the end…Do you want to know when after that, the first conversation between Ellie and Levin happened that was truly longer than five sentences?
I will tell you:
On the Airship on the way to the volcano, to the final fight… circa at page 2150…it was the longest conversation by far being 15-20 sentences long…after 1000 pages…and even if I have overlooked one…it couldn’t rescue it. Hell, this conversation was almost as long as every other conversation since the mentioned Alatreon scene…COMBINED. Yes, this may be a bit exaggerated from my part…but here is the problem…it is exaggerated…but only a bit.
You build up different personality traits for Levin and Ellie that they would only show in not plot related conversation, like Levin’s easy going personality teasing the people and especially Ellie around him.
It were these conversations, these interactions that made them such likable characters in the first place.
But, we didn’t get anything of that anymore, leaving Levin and Ellie for the most part as characters that moved only because the plot demanded it.
And yes, what the plot demanded was awesome, what they did while following the plot was awesome, but still it was just that.
They became impersonal and detached characters that only felt like Ellie and Levin, because I KNEW that they were Ellie and Levin, because I still remembered why they weren’t just blank characters that did badass shit, without showing other sides of their personalities.
This kind of rushed the romance between Ellie and Levin too, as they would even be too ashamed to sleep in the same room after they became a couple to them having sex with everyone knowing it (or what else they did the whole night in the same bed together) without build it up whatsoever…and you showed us always the next step in their relationships before.
You reduced the meaningful interactions and attached them to the plot points so that I as a reader now could exactly pin point when the characters would really talk to each other again.
Not before that and not after that.
More examples? You know how Levin would joke and tease Ellie? Or how they would joke in general? Since the mentioned Alatreon scene till the very end of the story…were exactly, EXACTLY two jokes/flirts.
Two jokes from Levin. TWO.
The first one being by the Silver Rathalos hunt, which wasn’t even a direct joke from Levin but a passive one were Haker wanted to research on Levin’s children and Ellie grabbing Levin by the ear telling him that it wasn’t just his decision when they would have kids and that marriage and other things would come before that.
The second and last one…was fittingly in the last part of the story exactly at the end were Levin lay in the Guild Room in Boma village with his dark metal limps suggesting to Ellie that he knew a ‘good’ way to spend some time where no one would disturb them.
Hell, this whole last scene with Ellie and Levin back in Boma village was the first and last full scene of the long, long before accustomed and now almost forgotten ‘showing’ not ‘telling’ interaction.
This was just an example and you could (and have before) shown us different interactions outside of the jokes/flirting…but they too are almost not present.
Remember that Levin was a cheapskit? Well, I almost didn’t, if you hadn’t brought it up in the epilogue again that is.
So were you before had a good mix of ‘showing’ and ‘telling’ us what the characters were up to…’telling’ us what they have done in the ever present time skips, but then picking some days out to ‘show’ us what they would do, be it talking, shopping, thinking, speaking about the future or some problems, joking and so on. You now only used ‘tell’ for this and would only ‘show’ us anything if it was plot relevant or if they would interact not with one another ,but a new character…but even then was it mostly Harker who talked…I love Harker…but he was in the second half more a main character…or I should say; more a ‘alive feeling’ character then Ellie and Levin were combined. And even that was mostly because his manner of speaking is so unique that he perfectly felt like Harker even, if he only spouted exposition.
Before that you would write from one of the characters perspective and if the other was nearby and something strange happened or something was said to the characters on which the viewpoint was fixated, the one nearby would still give us his input, best example that I can think of right now would be as the characters were sitting in the Inn at the Hunters exam telling their stories about what they had experienced till now.
If someone spoke to Ellie as we saw the scene out of her eyes and it concerned Levin too, he would speak up or they would talk about what to tell. This too vanished and now if the viewpoint shifted to one character, even if the other was standing right next to him it was almost as if he wasn’t there, nearly no matter what happened he would not speak up or give his input on things and the character which viewpoint we saw from would not interact with him either. Example would be the falling of ‘Malefica’ and the reactions too it.
It went as far that when we were at some points in arcs were you wouldn’t even show us plot interactions, it now almost felt as if the characters wouldn’t even know each other. Till it was again ‘rescued’ by some very good plot interaction, which however were like I mentioned rather short.
Continues in Part 4.
| KimranReech chapter 2 . 4/16
Part 2 of my review because I can’t post it all at once:
The Echo island arc with its rich lore about the island itself and the possibilities it showed for the humans of the world to live with the monsters together like this. The creative ideas you had for the layout of the island, showing us first glances about the civilization that came before as well as more info’s about the voice(s) in Levins head, their meaning, influence and importance, not only for the story but for the characters themselves. Combining a thrilling hunt for the eggs, with moral dilemma, sowing later recurring characters and using all this for some absolutely heartfelt moments between our beloved main characters.
I loved it, but it became even better after that.
Because then IT arrived to shine down upon my unworthy eyes with it otherworldly brilliance.
The ‘shipwreck arc’…oh my fucking God…this…this was just too good…I just..wow…without a doubt my favorite Arc hands-down. Beginning with the utterly fantastic survival voyage back from the shipwreck to Boma village…creating incredible suspense as I feared for Ellies live after she almost drowned, even if my brain called to me that she as the main character wouldn’t die. The fight back to Boma where you showed us the fantastic teamwork between Ellie and Levin in fights. Showing us how much Levin trusted Ellie and vice versa not only on the battlefield, but with their problems too as Ellie listened to Levin’s mental problems and the Voices in his head.
Then reaching the final fight with the Lagiacrus in Boma village, which I still see as the finest, most enthralling, most nerve-wrecking and most exceptional fight of your story in which you seemed to put every ounce of effort you were able muster into it. Great Strategy, great team work, believable wounds and the following interactions surrounding it…Levin using one of his Ludroth Armor sleeve to treat Ellies arm is still one of the things that is most memorable to me even with all the way more crazy and great things that happened after that.
The includion of the battle worn and almost Broken Marshall which put even more weight onto the already tremendous scene while still avoiding falling into the cliché trap of Levin feeling guilty about it.
I say it clearly here. I love romances, but I don’t necessary need them and the truth is the best stories I have read, didn’t include one. There is always something that doesn’t fit; maybe the romance is not believable enough, sometimes there is not enough time invested in them, sometimes there is too much time invested and more than often are they build up and then left hanging till the very end of the story.
On the rare occasion that someone manages to conclude the romance while being still in the middle of the story it often will be build up only lackluster, is included only to kill of one of the figures later to heighten the drama or is forgotten after that altogether.
That is why it is actually the thing that surprised me the most in your story.
I started your story without any desire or thoughts about a romance at all, underlined even further with the notion that stories which include a romance between the main characters have mostly the romance tag in them…so yeah it could be said that I was absolutely stunned with surprise by the subtle (and not so subtle) build up for the fantastic romance that I saw unfolding before me, first introducing us to the characters and then introducing them to each other without placing any obviously romance alarm clocks in any of the scenes.
Slowly building true and believable trust between the characters through their actions, connections and similarities.
But you didn’t try to create the chemistry between them just with heavy and plot driven stuff, but with the meaningful, heartwarming and funny interactions between them aside from that.
And now let’s be serious…would there really be any better time than to confess ones feelings after almost dying and rescuing a village from certain destruction, while being celebrated as heroes? If there is, then I really don’t know and quite frankly didn’t want to know…it would literally blow my head apart with the sheer overload of awesomeness.
I couldn’t stop myself from making an epic slow clap as they finally confessed and that without someone interrupting them (well, Mel later but that okay its Mel) or pulling some bullshit to break it up.
And with that the ‘shipwreck arc’ as I call it was concluded and I really needed to sit the fuck down for a moment (well standing up before that of course, lol) while processing what I had read…it was just THAT good.
What? You are thinking that now that I described my favorite part in the story that this must be the point where my disappointment kicked in? Because the arcs after that weren’t as good in my eyes or something?
Nope. Well in a sense, but not like you may think.
I liked how they moved to Loc Lac and I really took a liking to Lynn even if her extreme accent was more than often a pain in the ass to decipher.
While it is true that the first real Arc after this was my least favorite arc in your story it is exactly that –least favorite- not bad, not even mediocre, just least favorite and still extremely good…and lets be real here…I’m sure that this is the arc people liked the least in general…I mean who the fuck didn’t hate Nax and was furious that Levin let himself be so easily manipulated by this mother f***** Piece of s****…but well yeah that’s that I hated a character I was supposed to hate so no big deal…even if it was indeed quite annoying that Levin wouldn’t get bad vibes from the guy that mocked his friends in front of his eyes and is clearly disliked by all three of them…ah well, just thinking about Levin ripping him apart bare handed in Malefica and I feel all better now.
So yeah that wasn’t the reason for my disappointment. To make it clear, none of your arcs were. Be it the ‘Dark Metal Arc’, the ‘Silver Rathalos Arc’, ‘Malefica’ or ‘end game’…I loved every single one of them especially ‘Malefica’ which was the third best arc for me, only surpassed by ‘end game’ and the ‘shipwreck arc’.
I waited for this arc to happen since they met Micah and Filcher on the Ludroth hunt and while I admit that it happened way later than I anticipated it still was no real surprise, but it on the other hand played out quite a lot differently from what I initially thought…my earlier expectations were that the arc would happen before Levin would have made peace with his obsessed desire to slay the Alatreon and would thus be more willingly to cooperate with Moloch, at the beginning and I thought that only Levin would be captured not both…but I’m very happy that this didn’t happen it would have been just to cliché… Speaking of the devil...
I must say as a whole that I’m very impressed at how you managed to avoid many clichés in your story and thus surprising me more than often if I thought that I knew what exactly would happen.
Okay I really want to get to my disappointment bit so let’s talk brief about the last arc and the epilogue before speak about it…
HOLY Mother fucking shit of all that is good…THAT is how you do a finale right. Damn, the fight against the Alatreon was one of the most intense things I have ever seen in all my life. The twist with the Alatreon not being able to feel pain and thus being one major reason for his invincible complex was just so unique and unsuspected that it almost threw me out of my chair.
I absolutely adore it that, while s our heroes still had the ‘last battle’ they weren’t the only ones that could do something against the Alatreon, but the many Lost’s and other hunters were the cause that he could be slain in the first place…the epic feeling as Levin mocked the dragon in his mind, rallying so many of the Lost together who then gave our lovely End boss a beating on their own before our heroes took finally over was just badass.
It was great that all the ‘OC (all your characters are OC’s…that’s so stupid to describe but you know what I mean)Nox, Kai,Kei,Richard jr.,Tenebris,Jino, and Miller were in the end fight even if yes, there were way to many characters on screen because of that, but it is the thought of trying that counts…even if it backfired a little in the end…but you took care of that before the finale, finale, FINALE confrontation with the Alatreon so hey that’s okay.
And the epilogue…Not lying. Never saw a better one in my life.
You tied all lose ends up in the end no matter if they concerned only the secondary characters, the politics, mysterys or our main characters…giving all scenes a equaled amount of time and care, making them enthralling and enjoyable at the same time no matter what they contained.
I really need to give you props for remembering so many only once or twice mentioned events or things and then including them in the end making them important.
Just gotta love the cameos that you build in over the course of your story.
(Our God and savior ‘survival Gobul’ will live forever!...if he isn’t slain by the new noobies on their mission…but I have faith)
So…happy with the praise? Good, because I mean every word of it.
And now…now let us get to the most important part of this Review…and I curse myself already for not being able to write it properly so that the importance that it carries for me can be entirely conveyed…the downside of wanting to explain something in a different language…*sigh* ah well.
Continues in Part 3.
| KimranReech chapter 1 . 4/16
Part 1 of my review because I can’t post it all at once:
Hello good Sir, let me first begin this review with a sincere apology:
I'm very sorry for not reviewing a single chapter until now, but your story is such a grant venture to read that I was not able to read it while sitting at my PC, but I rather downloaded it and read in on my trusty e-book reader outdoors in the sun. Your story certainly, no, absolutely deserves more reviews, but I can see many people being faced with the same problem like the one I encountered. The amazing length of your story and such the difficulty of reading it at a place where reviewing is possible...I couldn’t imagine my back pain, if I had read it on a PC to tell the truth.
(Just want to mention that my native language is not English and I’m sorry if what I write sounds funny at times.)
Now first let me make it crystal clear how much I liked your story and how obsessed I became with this particular piece of work:
I read your story in a week, some days reading from 8 in the morning to 12 in the night without once taking a break...besides eating of course...and yes I'm not joking...holidays made such a mad endeavor certainly possible.
I know that I'm just a unknown/insignificant stranger on the Internet that you don't know and which words will not mean a lot to you, but please let me elaborate on how much I think that your story is amazing and that it is truly one of the best works of writing I ever encountered. I have read many things and I take this hobby of mine quite seriously to say at least. In terms of this story you could say that I have a certain "madness" regarding reading and I must confess that this joking declaration isn't even so far from the truth.
Be it a one of the countless fanfiction I read or more importantly be it one of the countless "official" works of writing, from so called "professional writers", your story is one of the ones that hit the mark the most, which impressed me more often than I could have imagined, which grasped me with almost everything that it delivered be it the excessive and utter brilliant world building, shining and likable characters, well thought out arcs or the stunning narrative.
And I mean it, it may not be the best work I have ever read, no, but it is undoubtedly one of the most exciting and most gripping ones. If you don’t want the praise then you can of course think something along the lines of ‘oh this guy surely hasn’t read a good book before that why he thinks so highly about my story’…that’s up to you and not my place to decide.
But now that I made it clear how much I liked your story (or at least I hope I did) let me say just one thing:
I’m greatly disappointed and very sad.
Yes, you read right I just said something that utterly contradicts with everything I said before and let me assure you that what I said before was nothing short of the truth. Sadly, it is also the truth that no story prior to this one, be it one that I loved, that I hated or that I found mediocre at best has ever disappointed me so greatly like this story did in this particular way at least.
How should I even begin to describe such a contrasting feeling? How to describe that even if the explanation is devastating it didn’t destroy the story like it would if it had occurred in every other piece of work? How it didn’t affect the brilliant course of the story, but let me behind sorely disappointed and kind of sad nevertheless? And even if I don’t need to elaborate on it I still want to remind you that disappointment can or even is way worse than just plain or simple dislike; at least in my eyes.
I’m sure you are thinking now something along the lines of ‘okay cool, stop the palaver and tell me what it was that disappointed you. An arc? A single character? Some random event that you disliked? The ending maybe? Or maybe you think that my story had more potential then I have shown?’
No, nothing of sorts.
Believe me even if I’m sure my writing sounds way to pompous (stupid not native language thing) I wished I could just say it without elaborating.
But, it was unfortunately not something as common as the above mentioned examples, I wish it would have been…to tell the truth it took me quite a while during reading to realize what it was that made me feel strange and unpleasant after a certain point in your story.
But well, to understand my disappointment I should first talk about why I absolutely adore your story and I think that is what you want to hear the most after all.
I must confess quite frankly that the beginning of the story didn’t quite clicked with me from the getgo. Oh don’t misunderstand me I definitely thought that the beginning was quite interesting and one of the most original takes on something that already had a template (means a game in this case), but I must confess that the beginning was quite slow and I think I wasn’t in the mood for a story like this at the time so I dropped the story for at least 2 month at the part were Ellie used a Bowgun for the first time in the cave against the Insect with Marshall and Levin.
But as you can see I came back…and with that there was no stopping possible this time, but I think I made my timeframe already clear at the beginning of this Review.
It just became so good and convincingly after that. The buildup of Ellies character and the introduction into the world of the hunters; that you so masterful crafted, with only the help of groundwork that the games delivered, making it all so much more believable and fleshed out. I felt absolutely stunned at some explanations like the pitfall trap.
Just the twist on having a; let’s call it ‘a not nice and likeable character’ at the beginning was something that isn’t seen often.
Eleanor was such a mystery with her anger and world view and Levin who I didn’t even thought about as a main character as he first appeared, became so human and again an even greater mystery that I as a reader wanted to unravel.
It was a high start for your story to say at least and then…then came the Dragon dance…and I just can’t express it sufficient enough…I think I wouldn’t even be able to express it in my own native language…just how amazing this already great and promising story became for me after that.
Where Levin and Ellie were interesting and mysterious before, but still hard to deal with since they weren’t even really friends yet…they now became so likable with their new interactions between one another and how they changed, but still stayed the same, giving us deep insight into their characters.
I loved the hunts that came after that, like the Gobul hunt, where the characters showed strategy, teamwork, which was excitingly written, how it would end with a twist and some memorable interaction between the characters on top of that.
The Royal Ludroth hunt that showed us the first glance of our ‘bad guys’, but more importantly how the character development of Ellie showed it first shining fruits.
Ellies new armor which choice surprised me at first, but let me recognized fast what you indented with it and I began to love it…making some more funny and memorable interactions between Levin and Ellie possible while showing the reader sometimes subtle hints and sometimes not as subtle, how Levin’s and Ellie’s feeling for each other slowly changed in something more.
Then came the first big change: ‘The Hunter’s exam arc’ and oh how glorious it was.
Not only with the great buildup, the anticipation, and the inner workings of the exam itself, but everything that came with this arc. Be it the introduction of Harker and Kerry, be it the more everyday interactions between the characters and the growing development of Ellies and Levins relationship…it just was fantastic and made the world and characters feel so much more alive than before.
I’m not finished yet with my praising, but try to remember this because it becomes important later on: You were never someone who would give out everyday interaction generous. You ‘showed’ way less than most stories would, but that was okay, because while it was never plentiful it was still enough and that is all that counts. ‘Showing’ us sometimes what the characters would do between hunts, letting them just talk and interact with one another.
Examples would be letting Levin play chess against Mel, dragging Ellie from the ship for fun or flirting with her just because it was something the character would do while not fighting for their lives…’showing’ us these rare but meaningful scenes that brought the characters alive making them feel like real people which would move in between the borders of a guided story.
Memorized for later? Good.
But let’s keep moving for now.
The first encounter with the Lagiacrus was amazing. I was so confused about what was going on, but so intrigued at the same time. What did these headaches mean? Why was only Levin affected? Was it only some random event or something more meaningful?
The fight and the demonstrate of Levin’s rage and anger that was only implied before now shown full force as Ellie was threatened by the Lagiacrus was amazing, it wasn’t just a simple ‘Shonen hero gets angry to save his friends’-plot point…no I felt that it was so much more and I was right…being a important part of Levin’s back-story and Mental condition made it just so unique in a way, while still being the righteous fury for a loved one that every reader wants to see from our hero, if they want to admit it or not.
Continues in Part 2.
| DinoJake chapter 53 . 3/23
I finally did it. After four months, I read the whole thing! Though that's nothing compared to you writing it for almost four years. I feel like I should comment on the final battle against the Alatreon, as well as the side characters' fights against the Stygian Zinogre and Brachydios. But there probably isn't much for me to say that hasn't already been said by someone else so I'll just say this; it was as epic as I was hoping.
Also, I took a sadistic glee in watching the Alatreon BEG for its life. Well, maybe not THAT sadistic. I almost felt sorry for it, truth be told. But still, it was satisfying watching a villain's ego get severely chopped down to size before the final blow is dealt. And I really liked the aftermath chapters for wrapping up all the major plot-threads while still leaving room for other story threads to grow.
Finally, that final scene with Levin using his dark metal arm to successfully wield a sword was just the perfect note to end the fanfic on.
Okay, now onto the fanfic as a whole. Warning: Heavy Use of TVTropes Terms Ahead
Your final author's note creates the impression that you kinda made things up as you went along with this fanfic. It's honestly kind of hard to tell that, because nothing in this story feels wasted. By the end of it, all the checkov's guns have been fired and all the mice are still there. Yes, there's a few dangling sequel hooks at the end, but for the most part all the major plothreads were brought to satisfying conclusions. Every plot point did exactly what it was meant to do, which shows that you exercised great thought and care in devising and implementing those plot points.
One thing that kinda bothered me about the fanfic for a while was the dialogue in some places. Specifically, for people who are supposed to be from OUR world, the Lost don't really talk like it. They don't use much slang or pop culture references, and they seem just as prone to pseudo-shakespearian monologues as the locals. Harker is particularly guilty of this, referring to his girlfriend as "Lady Kerrigan," as well as Levin and Ellie referring to one another as "Mr. Levin" and "Ms Ellie." It's excusable coming from the locals, but from OUR people, it sounds kinda weird.
But then I remembered that the Lost had been living in the Hunter's World for AT LEAST three years by story's end. I suppose it would make sense that most of the Lost would've picked up a linguistic quirks from the locals over time (it's implied that the reason Levin first referred to Ellie as "Ms. Ellie" is because that's how Marshall refers to some people, a habit that rubbed off on Levin). When in Rome, and all that.
That still doesn't explain Noxramus though.
Seriously. Who the hell names their kid Noxramus in the 21st Century. I'm sorry, but I am NOT letting that one go.
Another nitpick is that the fanfic sometimes suffered from Character Overload. More than once, I saw a character's name in a chapter and was all like "Crap. That name sounds familiar, like I've read it in this chapter before, but I don't know where." But when you're dealing with a story as big and epic as this one, a ridiculously large cast of side characters is somewhat inevitable, I suppose.
Kinda weird that you only gave the country Levin and Ellie were in a name in the second-to-last chapter. I'm guessing it's one of those things that was all like "eh, I'll come up with a name when I need to do. It's not necessary yet." I'll be blunt; it was necessary a while ago. There were a few points where I was like "Soooo...what's the name of THIS country? Cuz I don't think anyone really mentioned that." Seems like a weird detail to overlook when your world-building is otherwise spotless.
Speaking of weird details to overlook, what DO you have against last names?
This fanfic was first recommended to me on TVTropes. In fact, it has the honor of being the only fanfic recommendation on Monster Hunter's TVTropes page, and it's easy to say why. This is a big, epic story from start to finish. The dialogue is a little cheesy at times, but really that's more a stylistic choice on your part than an objective flaw. I will totally recommend this fanfic to ANYONE who plays Monster Hunter and enjoys reading fanfiction.
Now then, what's your friend code? Cuz I just got the Zamtrios Armor and Lagombi dual blades, and I wanna go kill a monkey-thing with a damn good author.
| DinoJake chapter 50 . 2/27
I'm oddly reminded of the "Fall of the Lich King" trailer for World of Warcraft.
"Can you feel it? Closing in all around you? The Light's Justice has been awakened. The sins of the past have finally caught up to you. You WILL be called to account. For all the atrocities you've committed, the unspeakable horrors you've let loose upon this world, and the dark, ancient powers you've enslaved. Look now to your defenses. For the Champions of Justice gather at your gates!"
Clever use of the Alatreon's minions to divide up the party. Let's be frank, we all new it would inevitably come down to this. Levin, his three most trusted allies, and a big, pissed off elder dragon. The World of Monster Hunter wouldn't have it any other way.
| arthlevyy chapter 26 . 2/23
I don't know if that's possible for Ellie to hunt in her condition.. It hurts so much for her to walk, and she is going to hunt The Queen..
I've been once in my life experiencing a dislocated arm and it hurts so bad! not to mention Ellie has worse.. So I expect her injuries will have a really bad impact for her in the next hunt. :D
And of course I still hate Pugnax
| arthlevyy chapter 25 . 2/20
It's been 2 months since the last time I read your story.. I almost gave up when I knew that this website was blocked out of nowhere in my country but now I'm so glad that I can read it again.. my first reaction was WHAT THE HEIL IS WRONG WITH YOU PUGNAX?
He's far more frightening than Ellie at her worst before she saw Rath mating dance in Boma..
It's been so long that I almost forget that Levin still suffers from that strange voices inside his head..
is every Lost also having this kind of mental problem?
while Ellie gains her hyper focus, and Harker with his Intelligence, then it's too bad for Levin to have those voices..
| DinoJake chapter 49 . 2/19
WOW. Lots of stuff been happening since my last review. Where to start?
First off, Round 1 of the fight against Alatreon was brilliant. The way Levin psychically inspired the Lost to rise up by essentially hijacking the Alatreon's telepathic signal was inspired, a perfect way to turn the Alatreon's powers against it. I also liked how most of the other hunters that Ellie and Levin have encountered and befriended in their journeys have wound up joining up with them and even forming a motley little crew. Also, awesome that the power of Lost technology wound up seriously wounding the Alatreon via the power of turbine-powered Dragonator.
Somewhat disappointed that most monster hunters in Loc Lac chose to hide from the Alatreon rather than fight. I know the Alatreon is feared by all and thought to be unkillable, but come on; there's literally THOUSANDS of hunters in the city. Unless the Alatreon has gone on record as capable of killing thousands of hunters at once, I think the hunters would actually stand a chance. Just goes to show how feared the Alatreon is, I guess.
Interesting theory by Harker, that the Alatreon has some kind of neurological condition that keeps it from feeling pain. That theory alone would explain a lot of things about the Alatreon, particularly its origins. Without pain to hinder it, it quickly developed a god complex, became psychotic and became a serial killer of its own kind. The Alatreon isn't a god, it's just a freak of nature.
Come to think of it, pain is kind of a recurring theme in this story. The main characters are constantly in and out of the hospital, potions are considered addictive for their pain-numbing properties, and of course, the Alatreon doesn't feel pain at all. Course, maybe I'm just dissecting the subtext too much. Moving along.
Round 2 was also brilliant, particularly the climax which ended with the Alatreon getting a wing full of Dragonator for its trouble. Low how the mighty have fallen, right? Course, then it cheats by calling in his ace in the hole. When his "second-in-command" was first introduced, I thought for sure it would be another kind of elder dragon like him, specifically a Lao-Shan Lung. Turns out it was actually a Savage Deviljho, but that's still just as bad. Thankfully, that's been dealt with.
Not gonna lie, I actually got a little teary-eyed at Filcher's death. Kinda reminds me of Dinobot's death scene. "Tell my tale to those who ask. Tell it truly. My ill deeds, along with the good. And let me judged accordingly. The rest is silence."
And finally, we have this breather chapter, which sees the hunters recovering from their wounds and gathering supplies for what will undoubtedly be the final battle. I legitimately have no idea what the Alatreon's final trick is...except...ooooohhh...
The Southern Fortress, huh? The one that guards the lands to the south? The lands that are supposedly absolutely INFESTED with powerful monsters? Sounds like Alatreon still has a few minions left. But I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
Down to the final four chapters now, and just in time. I plan on getting MH4U later this week, and I just might send you my friend code once I've got it.
| Draconic chapter 49 . 2/17
Well, I haven't left a review in a while. Anyway, this story had a good run. Nice job. It's the longest story I've seen on this site since I joined almost ten years ago. You've suggested that you're going to write a sequel, though I had another thought in that area; A Fullmetal Alchemist-style reboot, starting after the Hunters' Exams.
I've been puzzling over how such a thing might work, and I noticed that there are a lot of places that a reboot could go - particularly in regards to featuring Kim and Nat more prominently, I thought there was a lot of wasted potential there.
Would you be interested in seeing what I thought up?
| Valkyriav chapter 5 . 2/16
I've been craving some good MH fanfiction while I wait until Friday to get MH4U (need to get through two exams this week before I get such a distraction) and this fanfic is perfect! I've read up to Chapter 5, procrastinating on studying for my exam tomorrow.
I'm enjoying the characters and I like the way you've been explaining how the MH world works. I'm excited to hear more about what happened to Losts' backgrounds. I'll read more later this week!
| DinoJake chapter 45 . 2/14
Uuuuugh, bad headache. This is what I get. This is what I get for reading three chapters of awesome in one day.
Can't analyze or comment on current chapter. Head hurt too bad. So. Much. Eye strain. Will leave more cohesive thoughts in next chapter.
| DinoJake chapter 44 . 2/13
Ah, now THAT'S more like it! Pugnax dies realizing that he is not the strongest. In fact...what was it the Veggie Elder said?
"If you climb too high, you will certainly fall."
Wow. Didn't think it would be that literal.
Still, it would have been nice to have him still live long enough to watch Levin succeed where he failed. Bah. I'm getting too picky about these villain deaths.
Okay, next chapter doesn't look as long as the last two, so I'll just read one more and I'll call it a night.
| DinoJake chapter 43 . 2/13
VIVE LE REVOLUTION
Tenebris, Noxramus, Miller, Felicia and Rowan, I really like how this chapter almost feels like a reunion or party for every hunter that Levin and Ellie have met thus far. Hell, even Pugnax got an invite somehow! It really does create the sense that everything is coming to a head. That all the plot threads are finally weaving together into a rope of awesome.
Personally though, I'm a little disappointed in Zhanin's death. Don't get me wrong, he deserved it. Indeed, his death directly caused by his zealous hatred of the Lost, realizing that he had become the very thing that took away his son, it was a fitting end for the most part. But I would have preferred that you kept him around longer, so that he may witness his schemes inevitably crumble and fully realize that the Lost were nowhere near as meek as he originally thought, as well as realize that the Lost weren't as crazy as he thought when the Alatreon eventually DOES show up. Basically, I would've kept him alive longer if only so I could force-feed him several humble pies.
But personally, that's just me. I understand that Zhanin's death was something of a necessity for the plot; specifically, it's what rattles Zhanin's forces badly enough for them lose control of the situation, which in turn is what gave the Lost a chance to turn the tables and fight back.
And I really like the character development with Kerry here. After constantly being terrified of curses and elder dragons, she's finally had enough.
...I'm going to read the next chapter. Right now. I don't care how long it is. I'm going to read it and you can't stop me. THAT is how badly I want to see what happens next.
| DinoJake chapter 42 . 2/13
WOW. I had a feeling that Levin might get locked up, but used as a guinea pig for classified and unethical government research? I legitimately did not see that coming.
...Experiments are gonna give him super powers or something, aren't they?
Nice red herring with Felicia and Rowan; you really had me thinking that they were working for Moloch right up to the end. Of course, I remember that they mentioned that Shinra was working on some kind of weapon...
Okay, I think I can predict the rest of the story as follows:
Levin breaks out of the Gullet, either alone or aided by his friends.
They go on the lamb to go see Shinra.
Shinra reveals that the weapon he's working on can kill the Alatreon.
Levin and Company uses weapon to kill Alatreon.
Levin and Company triumphantly return to Loc Lac to rub the Alatreon's corpse in Zhanin's smug prick face.
There's probably a lot more to it than that, but with only 11 chapters to go here, I'm confidant that that's more or less the plot's outline from here to the end.
After two months of reading this bad boy, I've finally reached the final act! Laugh while you can, Alatreon, for your end is nigh!