|Reviews for Deadpool and the Marvelous Blonde|
| Shadow chapter 1 . 12/7/2014
You did pretty good, actually! I love how it ended! And everything else too! Hahaha...
| jinny chapter 1 . 6/18/2014
deberias hacer otro fic MS MARVELXDEADPOOL
| kya chapter 1 . 2/16/2014
| Z-Day chapter 1 . 7/25/2013
That was hilarious. Did anyone else try reading this, at least in their head, in Deadpool's voice?
| Simon chapter 1 . 7/23/2013
I loved that so much.
| Guest chapter 1 . 6/8/2013
That was pretty well done, good job.
| ghgh chapter 1 . 5/6/2013
just die... haha. and the blonde joke... where's the blonde joke?
| Ben10 madness chapter 1 . 1/1/2013
Hahaha,you totally got deadpool spot on! Poor tony. Great job!
| Marvelpool chapter 1 . 12/26/2012
I LOVE IT! IT IS AMAZING,HOW CAN YOU THINK IT'S BAD IT IS FREAKING BEAUTIFUL!
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/9/2012
This was hilarious.
| ChaosMagik chapter 1 . 6/8/2012
That was EPIC. The best story i have ever read.
| Reviewer Of The Forgotten chapter 1 . 6/3/2012
This was brilliant. Deadpool is one of my favorite Marvel characters and you displayed him perfectly. You could do an entire series of one-shots about him interacting with characters. Good job.
| Story's Blade chapter 1 . 12/25/2011
LOL to the whole story. It was great.
| GreatLight432 chapter 1 . 6/11/2011
Outstanding. Seriously, out-freaking-standing. Deadpool and Ms. Marvel were perfectly in character, and aside from the grammar issues pointed out by one of the previous reviewers, the story is grade A material. Well done!
| Thunder Magus chapter 1 . 4/14/2011
Alright, I have read this story. And as a writer, I am honor-bound to review. (See my profile for further info.)
Heh heh, I found this to be pleasantly amusing and I got some good laughs out of it. Deadpool is as insane as he should be, and I love that he broke down the 4th wall. You kept him pretty well in character.
However, there are a few issues in the writing itself that I would like to point out. As per my honor, I am reviewing honestly and fairly. Don't think of this as bringing down your work, think of it as constructive criticism to help you improve with further stories.
First and foremost, let's take a look at the dialogue. While I did find the dialogue to be very entertaining, there is something I would like to point out.
You wrote: "And that's why I don't like blonde jokes." Grunted the blond heroine, punching after every word.
Unless the dialogue isn't followed by he said, she said, etc., it's usually considered an incomplete sentence. In such cases, unless the following word is the name of a person, the first letter should be a capital. Also, the period inside the quotations should be switched to a comma. This should be edited as:
And that's why I don't like blonde jokes," grunted the blond heroine, punching after every word.
"Blonde jokes? Oh I know a ton of blonde jokes!" Deadpool exclaimed, hopping into the crater with them. This is fine, as you have ended the quotation with an exclamation point and capitalized Deadpool's name. If it were "he exclaimed", the H would still need to be lowercased.
"Carol." He greeted
Should be changed to "Carol," he greeted.
I do also feel that the story could have used a little more description. Letting the reader know what their surroundings look like can help pull them into the story.
You seem to have done a pretty good job with "show, don't tell." When you tell us that Ms. Marvel rolled her eyes, we get a clear image of what that looks like, and that she's probably annoyed.
Keep it up! I enjoyed reading this story. If you have another project in mind, try going over your work a little closer and correcting grammatical errors. Finding a volunteer editor with a little more experience to look over the work is another option many authors take. Taking the time to clean up grammar errors will really show your readers that you care.
I commend the effort, and I hope you will continue to write.