|Reviews for Breathing Yesterday|
| emi chapter 5 . 5/23/2015
| DreamingStars1 chapter 7 . 11/2/2013
Wow... this is really one of the best things I have read. You call this horrible? You have a gift.
| guest chapter 5 . 5/4/2013
itz zooo zad! but really good! (by the way, i didn't say zoo, i said sad but the s soundong like a z. ok?)
| Sa Rart chapter 5 . 1/22/2013
Somewhat a departure from your normal style, isn't it? Or perhaps a variation onit. There was more motion and less stillness - more hypothetical and less concrete. There's so much left unsaid, and there is a beauty in that.
I never considered the relationship between Percy and Dr. Chase. Never. There's a lot of tension innate in it; there's a lot that cannot be said. As a father, it would be his job to entrust Annabeth to Percy - but who is e to do that? Annabeth ran from him when she was five years old. What is there that he can say?
And what is it that Percy can answer? I liked how you phrased it - that neither agreeing nor disagreeing would be diplomatic. There's a lot of unspoken blame - but that isn't Percy, is its. It's hard for him to hate.
And then Annabeth, too - she can feel tension. She knows it is there. But still, she chooses not to press. The unspoken words are unnecessary to hear.
Fascinating chapter,yet again.
| Sa Rart chapter 4 . 1/17/2013
It's amazing how this simple chapter is sadder than so many stories of death. Death is wasteful, but sometimes can achieve something. To see Hermes toiling his immortal life away... It reminds me, a least, of so many of us who do the same, but without having an eternity to waste.
He needs a secretary.
I loved the original quote. The fact that the doorman says it, I think, makes it even more fascinating. Hermes locked himself away in his hotel room that he created himself, and you used Apollo to bring attention to that very nicely, too. He exists permanently in a state that was never meant to be anything else but a limbo of sorts, in between one thing and the next. Yet Hermes cannot move on. He literally is incapable of doing so.
A the same time, though, Apollo is blocked by that. Hermes is lcoked up in his own head, and Apollo is always an outsider because of that, and he can hardly even accept the fact that Apollo has no motive other than to help. He's so used to serving the needs of others, never caring for himself - and was that his selfishness with Luke? He wanted his son not to need him?
| Sa Rart chapter 3 . 1/17/2013
As beautiful and haunting as ever. But you're going even farther, now - beyond the familiar realms of characters and into the people themselves. Riordan created characters and stories for them, and that's beautiful to read, yes - but this chapter goes beyond even that. This isn't just Rachel Elizabeth Dare and Nico DI Angelo who play their roles within a great story. Because a story is and always will be a story, and removed because of it. This strikes closer to home. This is Life.
Because if this, I loved part one. I loved how Rachel describes herself. The music at her fingertips - because music is something universally recognized, but limited to our hearing,and you transform it from a thing into a feel. Reading this just... Agh. I can't describe it in words, but it made me feel the words somewhere deeper than just my mind, and it was beautiful _
And everything she's ever donecreatedlivedbreathed -
Beautiful. Because it's so true - when you create something, you put everything into it, and realizing that it isn't what you thought it was is one of the worst feelings in the world.
And in a way, it is her immortality, in a way that the Oracle of Delphi isn't. Something that was so close to her heart that she could not share it.
I thout it was interesting that you referred to her as Raphael, too. I like that way of looking at the Oracle of Delphi. See - this is what you do, Penny! You do so many amazing things, and then you have your little touches, too - your own uniqueness.
At first, I wasn't sure why you put these two pieces together. But I think they're polar opposites, aren't they? Rachel is afraid of not having a place, of belonging nowhere, while Nico has a mold that doesn't fit him. Rachel is afraid of uncertainty, while Nico rejects certainty.
Again, you deviate from Nico DI Angelo as depicted by Riordan: instead, you show us Nico. As a human. As a person. His coffe - no, with sugar (I loved that touch!) - his reading, his poetry, the dinners on the balcony, his nephews and his relationship with Percy - all of these little touches are just so... Personal. I makes him understandable. And when he shows his room off, we could feel his pride in being unique.
A belated review, I know - but that's cuz of me and not anything to do with how incredible this chapter is.
| Silver Owl Earrings chapter 7 . 12/27/2012
HOW are you not a real author, yet?!
That was pretty much the most amazing story I have ever read...wow.
| StalkerInTraining chapter 6 . 10/28/2012
That is BEAUTIFUL. Simply BEAUTIFUL.
| wowimreallycool chapter 1 . 3/24/2012
i just read the first chapter and isn't luke 7 years older than annabeth and kissing her sort of makes him a pedo :/
| Mai Lynn Bennet chapter 5 . 11/6/2011
This one was really well written, I cried when I read it. I know that sounds soppy and stuff, but I do have feelings, and this was something I could see happening. Absolutely beautiful.
| annabeths lil sis chapter 5 . 11/6/2011
That is so sad I started 2 cry :-((
| poe hotdamneron chapter 2 . 9/1/2011
Brilliant story! Genius!
| sierrastarlight chapter 6 . 7/15/2011
I'm totally fighting back tears right now. These have all been fantastic, but this one was just so...beautiful. It was perfectly done and just so in character and exactly how I think their relationship was and I could go on forever but just...wow.
| The Fifth Champion chapter 7 . 7/8/2011
First of all, I really don’t deserve the magnificent praise that is you dedicating this story to me. Truly, honestly, I don’t.
But you should know that I am BEYOND honored to have received such a wonderful gift.
Second of all, I don’t know where you get off saying such lovely things about me and putting yourself down so much – because this is clearly a masterpiece, so you must clearly be deluded for saying anything otherwise! Not to mention, Godless and a lot of my writing is just a rambling conglomeration of words and adjectives and more adjectives. /sweatdrop/
But let’s get down to more important things. Namely, this story:
I never really sat down to think about Gabe this way. He was always just so – odious in my mind – down to his very smell – and I was just so particular to Percy, it never entered my head. That’s one of the reasons that this is a masterpiece: it’s creative, it’s original, it’s thought-provoking – my sister’s art teacher says that “true art burns a hole in your eye” – and this does exactly that. Because as much as you (as I) don’t like Gabe, you can’t walk away from reading this without his character weighing on your mind, without rethinking him, without needing to reread his scenes and rearrange things in your mind. And I adore that – with every fiber of my being. This is absolutely BRILLIANT! You’ve really fleshed out his character in a way that’s stunning, realistic, tragic, and chilling.
The idea of portraying Gabe as an awkward, handsome young man is so original – and honestly, it makes perfect sense. Gabe is not a character tapped very deeply into, but you’ve managed to scratch way beyond the surface and uncover a lot of hidden insecurities that just click with the grotesque man he’s become in The Lightening Thief.
I especially like the touches on his name: “‘Promise you won’t laugh?’ Sally was reminded of the middle-school boy she had tutored over the summer – when she was younger and had no responsibilities.” Comparing Gabe to a “middle-school boy” is quite ingenious; never would anyone outside your depth of skill and introspect be able to align the overweight grease-ball with an awkward, insecure boy – and more over, it’s exactly TRUE. I can easily see Gabe being a target for abuse for his name – I mean, come on, ‘Ugliano?’ And this melds perfectly with the awkward image you’ve created for him – someone who was probably abused all his life for things as shallow as his name, thus leading to permanent insecurities. Absolutely PERFECT.
I also adore the way this story is setup. While I never wondered much about Gabe in general, I always thought about how Sally must have felt killing him. Because as hideous as Gabe was – and I truly found him hideous and did not mourn his death – Sally still essentially committed murder and I often wondered if that ever bothered her. The way you frame this piece with it beginning with Medusa’s head – and ending with the actual death – creates a truly stunning and chilling effect. Everything that happens in between those two scenes – all the flashbacks, everything about Gabe as an awkward young man, about her first meeting him, about his relationship with Percy – feels to me like the scattered thoughts a person has before committing murder. These memories aren’t supposed to run in a specific or chronological order. They don’t need to fit neatly into place. They are meant to be poignant and fast and rife with a lot of different emotions – bitterness, regret, fear, nostalgia – and you portray each of those emotions here perfectly. They hit you hard in the chest.
You’ve thunked Sally just as well as you fleshed out Gabe. The repetition about Gabe being handsome is chilling because, as I believe you intended, it makes the reader realize that while she married him to protect Percy – she also did truly like (love?) him at one point, thus a part of her might have felt something other than joy when she killed him. I’m not necessarily sure I can say pain – but a sort of deep-seeded, cloudy regret that I think you portray PERFECTLY here – which is awesome, considering it’s an emotion so realistic and convoluted I find it hard to describe. Everything from “But really, it was a pity,” which sounds only lightly upset, a little bitter, rather biting, to the really emotionally charged and tragic, “And now, when Percy looks back, all he can remember of Gabe are drunken fits and compulsive gambling and how he used to hit Sally when Percy was not around” creates a poignant mood that’s impossible to really put into words. And you’ve managed to convey that feeling with your beautifully described scenes and characterization – amazing.
But my favorite part of this story is probably the italics in parentheses. They are so sly and so cold and so sharp – its strange. The entire story feels like it’s on eggshells to me – it’s bitter, but it’s soft, tentative, attempting to search for the good in the bad – it’s regretful and nostalgic – but the italics jar you back to what’s here and now, hard core reality – that despite whatever Gabe might once have been, he’s a fiend now.
I particularly love: “(His mouth had thinned, the normally quiet expression giving away to something almost ugly, but by this time she was in too deep and she knew that, no matter what happened, Gabriel was good for Percy because no monster in the world would ever smell her boy with Gabriel around.)”
I’m not sure how early this is meant to be, given that you have a really emotional line about Percy riding on Gabe’s shoulders when he was four – but I read this line as Gabe’s initial reaction to Percy; him discovering that the woman he’s interested in is a single mother and that he’s going to have to put up with a kid to stay with her. You’ve written that Sally’s “in too deep,” suggesting they must have been at least dating for awhile, but the way you note that Sally should have “listened to the alarm bells” insinuates that this was one of the first times she’s seen Gabe react, at least in this manner, to Percy – and for some reason it makes me think that it was fairly early on.
And that suggests that there was always this darker side of Gabe, beneath the awkwardness, the handsomeness. A seedling of the person he’ll turn out to be. One of the things that’s really powerful and poignant and overwhelming about this story is that whoever he used to be – this glimpse of an awkward young man who would let Percy ride on his shoulders – gets totally crushed by the unforgivable crimes he eventually commits, like whipping Percy with a belt (what a jarring one-liner you just threw in there to give us a panic attack! It sucked all the breath out of me! Wow…REALLY makes me rethink not only Gabe, but Percy’s background as well!)
The comparison to Jekyll and Hyde is stunning, especially given that I’ve just read that book last semester and it rings so true in this story. The creepy thing about the original version, however – and I don’t know if you’ve had time to ever read it, but amazingly enough this piece really captures the feel of the original for me – is that Jekyll is never entirely innocent. Turning into Hyde is like a drug for him; he relishes it and the type of person Hyde turns him into. However, there’s still a part of Jekyll that abhors Hyde – that wants to be moral. I feel like your characterization of Gabe echoes this perfectly: a part of him wanted to be a good man to Sally (that shy young man he once was), but perhaps the insecurities (that you so deftly hint at with his name) transform him into this grotesque person who needs to prove he can be “aggressive,” “powerful” – “controlling.” The reasoning behind this does not validate him, but it helps the reader understand him – see Gabe as a full picture.
So, basically, I just went English major all over you. /sweatdrops/ In conclusion…this is an AMAZING piece of work.
Honestly, I don’t understand why you are putting your writing down because you have such a clean, pithy, clever style – you use words that describe exactly what you want to say – and you are able to convey very complex emotions and characterizations with neat, skillful wordplay. I’m simple wordy rambling. /sweatdrops MORE/
Waaahhh~~~~now I either feel like rereading PJO or writing about Luke again – your writing has inspired me so!
LOVE IT AND YOU. KEEP WRITING. I WILL BE REVIEWING MORE OF YOUR STORIES!
| koalakoala chapter 7 . 7/2/2011
You did a great job with this backstory. I like stories that make you look back on a character you don't like just because they're unlikable and make you feel sorry for them, and understand them and their motivations more. I think you definitely succeeded in that.
I also think it makes sense that she wouldn't marry him /only/ for Percy's sake. And that bit about Percy not remembering Gabe carrying him on his shoulders when he was four was perfect.