|Reviews for Breathing Yesterday|
| starry-eyed-ocean chapter 3 . 3/3/2011
This is amazing. Just... so amazing.
I like most of your work but this chapter of this fic, my god, this is golden.
I dont know why, but it struck a chord with me.
| Epitome of Randomness chapter 5 . 2/12/2011
You really like toying with emotions, don't you? I was so sure it was going to be a car crash in 2011 but no, you just HAD to give them a kid, didn't you.
That was very well written, and I think you got Percy spot on, especially since he's older here than he is in the books. Lovely work.
| krystle123 chapter 1 . 1/31/2011
Aww this is so sweet! I love it!
| SisterGrimmErin chapter 4 . 1/28/2011
This is fucking incredible. You'll have to excuse my language, bb; I'm being crude because there's no way to be eloquent after that. I love everything about it, and we all know I ship Apollo/Ares, so you've done a wonderful job. 3
| Epitome of Randomness chapter 3 . 12/25/2010
Oh, damn. That is gorgeous. Both Rachel and Nico.
The flow you have going through these is really astounding. It's as natural as breathing, and it feels so smooth, like you've just opened up the minds of the characters. I love the flashbacks inserted into the current events, especially the last one with Nico showing Annabeth his library.
("What did you expect?" he had grinned. "The Bat Cave?"
"Sort of," she'd said sheepishly, and he had laughed.)
I kind of love this :D
But my two favourite lines come from Rachel's - I really related to hers, it's excellent. "(Her pen-pencil-creativity-spontaneity-uniqueness.)" and (Because even the most unique of us need to feel like they belong.)
Oh, it's just wonderful.
| DrenchedInMusic chapter 1 . 12/20/2010
Dude your pen name looks like it's saying my penis. Just saying it looks wrong. Hahahahaha
| inknomad chapter 3 . 12/19/2010
This is really... ehm... good? (don't hurt me!) I know, there are like, a zillion other adjectives that I could have used to describe this, but it would be pointless, because none of those words would truly capture the essence of your kick-ass writing... So yeah, it was good... and then some. :)
| Epitome of Randomness chapter 1 . 12/4/2010
Wow. It was worth the wait :D There were so many good lines in this, but I loved "her rushed merry-go-round frenzy forgotten," "snatch an apple from Yggdrassil, and Summer indolence reigns for a little longer." The whole third paragraph is just astounding.
I love the (you will never knows). Ooh, the tense, and the descriptions. It's just wonderful.
(You will suspect. But you will never know for sure.)
Aah, it's so nice. I loved it.
| SisterGrimmErin chapter 3 . 12/3/2010
Amazing. My two least favorite characters in the Percy Jackson universe and you make them wonderful. The one bit I didn't like was Demeter in the Underworld- mostly because in traditional myth, she's not allowed there, and it's stated in TLO that she's allowed because she can't fight Typhon. (I didn't particularly like that- myth!Demeter is something of a Mother Bear, she could have been of some use...) But the execution was so wonderful I liked it!
I love it infinitely.
| Sa Rart chapter 2 . 11/26/2010
Wow. That, my friend, was like the essence of angst.
I have to agree - that IS one of the strangest things you have written. The first time reading it through, I was hopelessly and utterly confused by it. Then I read it again, and something went *click*, and I actually understood what was happening here.
I have to give it to you - you have just successfully slaughtered every rule of good grammar. Congratulations! You have burned every bridge, and any English teacher reading this has just nearly died of a heart attack. But, in messing up the grammar so completely, you took away the order and the stability that we are used to in writing. It was chaotic and confusing and wonderful and beautiful. The constant strings of "and"s and the wording you used after it just carried the reader along, like a current, going faster and faster as the story goes on.
"You were angryexhaustedinpain and you closed your eyes and burned all your bridges and you said you were going to leave and you would never look at the man opposite you ever again."
That was a hard line, there. It was confusing, like most of the piece, with the string of ands and the angry current again, but there was such a deepness in it. It was a line straight from the heart. The combination of the three words in the beginning helped to show the multiple faces of the emotion in Luke - he is being torn apart by pain and anger and exhaustion, and in that little word (words?) that is very evident
I got it! I just realized what made the piece so unique. Most writing is revised, edited, and looked over carefully, written until it is perfect. But this isn't the cultivated, elegantly bred oneshots we're used to - this is a howling vortex of emotion and pain straight from the heart, without any attempt to soften the hurt or hardship. It was harsh, rough and abrasive - but it was beautiful all the same. The simplicity of the language and the words showed the emotion so perfectly... It was amazing
One little, tiny, thing I didn't like - the free-free-free. I'm not sure what that was trying to do - reiteration of the word conveying the strength and passion of the emotion, maybe? But somehow, it demeans it, making it seem immature - like the angry call of a small child, rather than the dramatic outburst of emotion it is.
On the other hand, the concept of a river and a current was beautiful, and the end, where Thalia, Annabeth, and Luke are swept away - beautiful.
"We – you and me and the little blonde girl – drifted down the river away from the dark house with lights blazing from all the windows and behind us the roof caved in as the water poured inside."
I liked how you defined "we", making the little band something unbreakable and permanent, no matter what the river was like. The use of the word "drifted" seemed a little passive for the scene, but it served its purpose in the passage. The "dark house with lights blazing from all the windows" - that was a vivid image, and... symbolic? I took it to mean that the house was troubled and dark and depressing and terrifying, and there is nothing that one can hide - but, looking back upon it, the light was the one sanctuary he might've had.
"The ghost of the little boy you had been grinned once – teeth flashing against the dark – before we were swept away backward, a little golden head bobbing in white water."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but to me, it seems like that was representative Luke's entire childhood. He's just a kid, a happy child - but there is so much white water, pain and hardship and madness and sorrow until he is swept away backwards.
Strange? Yes. Beautiful? Yes oh yes. I am SO sorry I didn't read this till today. Thanks a ton for writing!
| LauraMarinaLovegood chapter 1 . 11/26/2010
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, YOU'VE GOT NO FUCKING IDEA ABOUT HOW MUCH I'VE LOVED THIS, THEY'RE MY OTP, AND AWWWWWWWWWWW, THIS WAS SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO CUUUUUUUUUUTE :D
| inknomad chapter 1 . 11/19/2010
That sucked balls. What's wrong with you? WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT NOBODY LOVES YOU? *aims a tomato at you* *misses cos she has a crap arm*
Nah, this was epic. I could ramble on about just how epic it was, but I have yet to find a word in the English language capable of summarising such a kick-ass fic.
Well done! :D
| Tara Walden chapter 2 . 11/19/2010
That's when Thalia, Luke, and Annabeth run into Hermes at Luke's mom's house, right?
That's what I got from it anyway.
I LOVE your style. It's almost poetic, but not in a sappy way. It has a lot of energy and feeling and substance. And you just made my day by updating. I was having a not too great day until I got home and opened up my inbox. _
Thanks for updating and for writing such a great "chapter".
| SisterGrimmErin chapter 2 . 11/19/2010
You move me beyond words. This is absolutely and completely beautiful- no, perfect. It's wonderful, fabulous, and magnificent. Words really fail epically at this.
Every single little detail seems to suggest and provoke real images. Do you know how rare a gift that is? I adore you. I can't believe such brilliance is dedicated to someone as unworthy as me.
P.S. I'm online. And Happy Holy Day!
| Sa Rart chapter 1 . 11/14/2010
Beautiful. Just beautiful. And did I mention beautiful?
In the very first paragraph, you begin to mess with the reader's perspective. The second person point of view starts to destroy the sense of perspective and former ideas, leaving the reader open to what is about to come.
(You will never know) it was a dreamy September afternoon: one of those lazy Autumn days where Time seems to stop for a while –pauses, her rushed merry-go-round frenzy forgotten – and hangs over the edge of her wheel, to snatch an apple from Yggdrassil, and Summer indolence reigns for a little longer.
This is yet another amazing passage. The concept of Autumn and September lend an air of longing and remembering to the piece, and somehow create a color for the story - kind of a golden, fading light, one that will later undergo the harshness of winter. It was fitting. The capitalization of Time made time into a person. It seemed as though Time had done them a favor, almost, stopping the world around them, until it was possible to achieve this moment.
"To snatch an apple from Yggdrasil" - a powerful line, and a powerful name evoked. It sanctified the story, making it seem holy. Yggdrasil made it seem sheltered, protected and somehow safe and private. Summer and Autumn, used together, seem to show transition, and this scene at the critical juncture.
Wow - I sound like an English textbook. Still here?
The (you will never know)s were put into place with a masterful perfection; each one removes the story farther and farther from the real story, until it is set in a place far removed from the "rushed merry-go-round frenzy" of life.
The relationship between Annabeth and Luke was perfect. They both seemed so young and happy, unaware of the pain that they were soon to feel. They were so close, like brother and sister - and then their relationship was changed, and would never be the same.
"His eyes studied her carefully (as she had before), as if he were trying to memorize her features, and then he'd pressed a kiss to her forehead and stood. In the distance, the horn sounded for dinner, a long low blast, because Time never truly stands still."
It's fading, in that line. The golden, beautiful light slowly leaves, and the reader is abruptly reminded about how it would really end. Time starts up again, the rushed merry-go-round resumes, and something is lost forever. It begins to fade away, like a half-remembered dream that I will never remember again.
(You will never know, when he asked her if she had loved him, and she had said no, it had broken her heart, and shattered what was left of his.)
It's gone now, and I am fully awake. It's all behind the pain of the ending to the series, the true finale, and this scene goes away, into a secret treasure chamber, far away from reality.
One of your best stories yet. Thanks a ton for writing - I loved every word of it.