|Reviews for A Devil's Heart|
| Suikorin chapter 11 . 11/23/2016
This chapter is neat.
As usual, you paint the scene so well that the reader can really mentally see the setting. I really like the plot that you’ve put together about the secret religious order. It’s obvious that you’ve read into certain some classical work, judging by the mention of the Council of Nicea. I also like how you’ve used Dante to express skepticism about the whole thing. And yes, the usage of drugs for those werewolves. Ah. I can definitely tell that you’ve given some thoughts to intricate elements of this story. Spellbinding!
One constructive criticism is that you should shorten some sentences and rearrange the wording to more clearly convey your thoughts. I did get confused in certain parts though it did not completely detract from the story.
Also, you’ve used certain verbs that may not be appropriate in the context that it was used. For example, the word “exclaimed” was used four times in this chapter. All except for one instance, I doubt that “exclaimed” was the written intent. I wouldn’t necessarily go back and “fix” these since I’m a believer that only practice will improve the writing...which means, get crackin’ on writing the next chapter!
| sevenletters chapter 10 . 11/12/2016
So I was reading this beautiful book nonstop and when I finally came to the last chapter I had only realized that you haven't been updating since a year ago T-T - T-T your ideas and writing is really good and I deeply need moreee. The OC is interesting tbh and I just luv vergil kyaaa so author please update for our s~ake! Tytyty
| Amethyst-Phoenixx chapter 10 . 8/16/2016
This is a very fascinating story that involves all the devil may cry characters. It has such a strong plot, great control in the language, and nice depiction of the characters. I can't wait to see how it will continue. Please continue writing this fanfic. It is quite amazing. _
| Innocence and Instinct chapter 10 . 2/4/2015
Another update! woot! So i haven't gone back to read Edward's description yet, but i will soon! I can't wait for the next update.
| Innocence and Instinct chapter 9 . 2/3/2015
You have no idea how happy I am that you updated! I loved how you introduced Vergil to Angelea. I cannot want for your next update.
And that's alright. I'll try and piece it together. I love surprises after all.
| Innocence and Instinct chapter 8 . 2/24/2014
I love this story! It's so beautifully written that i could not detach my eyes from the screen. You have a new fan. Can't wait until your next update!
Also, will this story contain any romance by any chance? If so will it be in the form of a line (just 2 people), triangle, or maybe even a square?
| Regin chapter 7 . 1/1/2012
I Like, I Lust, I Love!Please Update Soon!
| Tora-Katana chapter 7 . 6/16/2011
Hey, I finally got to reading! I seem to be all over the place right now and don’t get to read as much as I’d like to. I am very happy I did though as your update was a fine read I must say. I especially love that you make readers associate with the characters by making them very human (even though they may not be of course) and natural. I really felt for Angelea and her nervousness about the exam for example, I know all about that as probably a lot of others do, and you made it very real in the story.
I also had to admire your detail in everything, especially with the fight at the end, you had it very well thought through and what is more you wrote it so that it was understandable as well. Nero’s misfortunes with the dresses and so on were a great added bonus, you had him down just right. So very well done!
I will definitely stick around to read to the end, so keep up the great work!
| Jacky-lulu chapter 4 . 5/28/2011
I am be partial to this story a great deal and I hope you continue it to do it,
| Bounty Hunter Vincent Vega chapter 5 . 5/28/2011
From the brief skimming I did on all seven chapters,this fic reminds me of another well written one called "Devil May Cry: Hell's Frontline" which also dealt with a war between human and devils on a grand scale. However unlike the mentioned fanfic,yours have Nero and Kyrie which is a nice little OCs are properly explained,have wonderful backgrounds and motivations,and are not Stus. This pleases me. And I thought only ElvenAngelMayCry had extremely long greatly written chapters. Your story stands out from the rest of the heed for characters,plot,story and the good stuff.
This fandom may be going down the drain with the reboot and what Crapcom chooses to reveal come E3I think will determine the future of this fandom. I have already noticed a dramatic decrease in quality stories that interest me. I hope you choose to stick around and are not put off by Crapcom's stupidity as other authors are.
Keep up the fine work.
| Bounty Hunter Vincent Vega chapter 6 . 5/28/2011
After having an extensive,stressful, and he artful private discussion with my brother whom I see has left his mark on your fanfiction,as his older wiser sister,I urge you to hear him out and don't rush to judge him. I educated him on his wrongdoing and how he needs to clean up his act. I apologize for what he has done.
I shall now let him explain himself.
From Manager Of The Abyss:
Hello there PerireAnimus. I am writing this not to start another fight with you,but I am here to make amends for my past behavior. I am asking for your forgiveness. But before I begin I need to inform you of a drastic change that has occurred that affects you. You should look into editing this mistake as soon as possible.
In the beginning of chapter 4 in your author's note you wrote the following:
"You should take into consideration that English is not my native language and I had to teach myself proper English besides some other outside help. So far many have complimented that I do better in the English language than most. On another note, to be quite vainglorious, I passed college level English Comp II and got an 'A' in it so take that WiredJunkiee1100"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news,but that user name, while it was at one time the one I am using,today it no longer is true. The person you are referring to now is another person who is using my old user name to spread lies and to insult other authors on this site with much much worse colorful language and using religion for a sinister use than I am capable of.
It is not a sock puppet account of mine in case you are wondering. I am writing this to warn you beforehand before it targets you or any of your beta readers. See,when you change your username,the old one you were using is left wide open for others take and use at their leisure. Plus you can only have one e-mail address per account.
I am sorry for blowing up on you. I hate seeing stories that interest me to a great deal to be ruined by awful editing, run on sentences,p[paragraphs not spaced out, and so on. While yes you did point out that English is not your first language,that is still no excuse for sloppy writing. My sister and I's parents speak more than one language,English is neither of their first language and in regards to my father,he can speak four languages. So yeah.
In my view,I thought you using OCD to guilt trip me. There are other talented authors on this site who have sever depression,dyslexia, and other sorts of writing and personal problems. The difference is they don't try to use it as an excuse or expect sympathy from their readers. Just as they teach you in junior school and beyond,if an assignment is not properly written,no matter how well or thought provoking it is not properly edited,doubled checked for errors and fixed,it goes right in the trash. Hence why I deleted your PM. Next time you wish to send me one,make sure I can read it okay? That is all I ask for.
Never ever bring up your personal achievements. It can be used against you and it reeks of arrogance. I doubt anymore here cares about your grades in English comp II.
"A real critic gives constructive criticism and is polite and respectful about it."
You are right on the first part of this statement,but on the second you are dead wrong. No critics do not have to be polite and respectful about it. Take a look at Siskel and Ebert for example. I doubt that they were polite all the time when it came to reviews for bad movies. I could sit here and list a lot more examples,but the point is you need to accept the fact that criticism can take all sorts of forms.
I do apologize for the remark about proving yourself to me and others,but had you not mention your grades when there was no reason to do I would have not fired back with such a statement.
"should not be criticizing others works; especially someone who doesn't even have spaces after every comma for example, which annoys me, but you do not see me complaining and treating you as if you were an idiot."
This made me laugh so much. This is not about me so I did not find it amusing you trying to spin the blame on me. I'm not the one writing now am I? Nor was the one who wrote long ass unreadable text. My mistakes were very minor compared to your.
Yes I do have terrible memory and since I doubt you care,I won't bother explaining why.
"So shove off and read something else if you don't like it. No one's forcing you to read my fic."
I would like to educate you on this little nugget I found on the site regarding your pathetic childish excuse of "don't like don't read."
Note that critical or harsh reviews are not considered abuses. It is the right of the reviewer to like or dislike this story.
As you can see here,you have no excuse to be telling me this nonsense. How am I suppose to know if I like something before I read it?
No one's forcing you to upload your fanfiction to be judged as anyone sees fit either in any matter they choose to.
Now with all of that out of the way,do you forgive me? I actually do want to give you constructive criticism but not precisely be Politically correct about it either.
Signed Manager OF The Abyss
P.S. I am posting this here in case you delete my PM and chose not to read it.
In regards to Ellipse77,maybe if you were not a lurker and had some kind of profile to indicate you are human,I would take your complaint seriously. Your opinion is not valid. And plus you are one to talk. Your claim about flaming being in the same plane as bullying couldn't be so misguided that I have to wonder if you were joking or being serious. I already tore apart your response elsewhere.
I already talked to Tora-Katana privately and had responded to the comments he/she made here so I have no need to repeat myself.
Now PerireAnimus,if you wish to respond to my brother unblock him and talk it over with him. He means no harm and wishes to set the record straight.
| Tora-Katana chapter 6 . 1/23/2011
A very good chapter, I really enjoyed this one! Your writing is getting better and better, it flowed very well here for me! I like the idea of the prophecy and now wonder what it is :D
It is turning into very good and intriguing story. The scene between David, Ariel and Angelea was done wonderfully, so natural, easy to read and easy to imagine, the emotions were done just right there. You only introduced Aerial, yet I could already feel the friendship between the two and the anxiousness of having to do the fight with each other, as well as the hostile jealous rivalry between the two men.
Nicely done and I look forward to more!
| Ellipse777 chapter 6 . 1/17/2011
Wow, feels like it's been a while since we've seen Angelea. It took me a minute to realize that this is only the morning after her ball.
I'm curious about who the sorcerer is, but I think that at this point it has to be either Ariel or David, unless you introduce somebody else. I liked the argument between them near the end. The beginning of this chapter was a little slow, but I can forgive that since it's a set up for the next chapter(which I assume will be the test/fight between Angelea and Ariel).
| Tora-Katana chapter 5 . 1/10/2011
I like this chapter! It is a very good preamble to the first meeting between Vergil and Angelea. You give the right sinister mood, and the feel of loathing from Vergil towards anything that tries to control him. You describe all the emotions very well and it is all developing into a very nice and interesting story.
I like the little creative details that you put in, like with Vergil secretly taking the pear not to be seen needy, or with the dial that will take you to different locations. Noting the forbidden room, that no doubt will have a play in the story too. ;)
You have attended to the formatting, and that is now perfect, and it is nice and easy to read. You would still need to work on mixing the past/present, but I think that will not be a problem for you to do :D
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this chapter, and you make me left wondering what will happen next and whether Vergil will make friends with the lovely Minerva! XD Well done and till next time,
| Tora-Katana chapter 4 . 12/23/2010
I have to agree with you there, this is also my favourite chapter so far, very well written and very moody, full of dark emotions and feelings that seep from almost each word as you describe the horrors of hell. I also commend you on how well I think you have portrayed Vergil, he is staying wise and keeping his discrete politeness when dealing with an obviously dangerous foe, yet inside he is ready to tear the place apart with his anger and loathing. I would not want to be in Lucifer’s shoes when Vergil gets the upper hand! Muhahah.
You have achieved a really good feeling of the mood in hell, the tension and the fear that was instilled in the demons, even enough to make Vergil hesitant and patient to wait for his opportunity in his usual coldness. I simply loved this chapter! And I have a feeling you will continue to deliver as the plot now definitely thickens. :D
I would also like to comment, that having 3 betas only shows dedication, you obviously care enough about your work to try and make it great, and that, many people on ff lack unfortunately. It is nothing to be ashamed of in the slightest, on a contrary, you strive to learn and you do get visibly better and better, and that to me is due to your great commitment and effort! Well done!
I would also like to point out that (after being horrified when reading your previous reviews) no one can call themselves a critic if they actually cannot offer good, constructive criticism while maintaining a respect for someone who tries to enjoy a bit of creativity. This is specifically to WiredJunkiee1100, who did not provide any details as to what he/she was actually referring to (apart from the long paragraphs which only needed a simple comment, not a full blown bashing in my humble opinion).
WiredJunkiee1100, you did not provide any other specific critique as to the content of the story, its characters, the plot, the description, moods, feelings, anything! How is simple formatting deserving such harsh words? Please do refrain from such crude way of criticising in the future, and try to look objectively at the whole picture, point out the mistakes someone makes clearly and nicely, we are not getting paid for any of this and are only trying to enjoy writing. :D
Also I was a little bit confused by your comment, that you were familiar with my works even though you have not read a single thing? I find it hard imagining how that is possible? How can you be familiar with something you have not seen? In a way I find that a little offensive as it came across as if my works are not worthy of you, yet you somehow assumed I would be good at writing? I think some of your comments were very good and you had a good point, but please try to confine yourself to be a good critic and refrain yourself from humiliating someone you do not even know. How do you presume someone to pick up your points and strive to improve if you convey them in such a demeaning manner?
I want to see a concise, constructive comment from you with specific details next time, or please do not review this story at all!
To PerireAnimus, you have done a great job , you listen to comments and strive to improve despite those that do not appreciate a good effort, and for that I greatly admire you and encourage you to please continue this great story.
I am certainly looking forward to reading more!