Reviews for Let Me Help You
R.L. Sisters chapter 8 . 2/3/2012
Okay, back again~

Yeah Dib, staring at the computer is my hobby too. .

I have noticed that some of your sentences have odd constructions. /: Such as, "She was tall, [not really sure what it has to do with the next part~] though not like her father or Dib and if Dib was to look upon her with objectives eyes, very pretty..." My brain sort of imploded at that point. Way too long, and hard to grasp.

You forgot a word here: "...before the gnomes began shooting them {out of} the air."

You can never balance trying to keep an alien from conquering the human race and your dayjob. Trust me, Dib.

"'Crime is rising and I don't want to be burgled any time soon.'" *giggle* Burgled...

I want to meet these friends of Dib now...o-o That cartoon reference was awesome. *.* Really. I hope they show up again in the storyline somewhere.

On another odd note, Gaz is so nice. . And her job just seems like something she would do so well...

Okay, you're forgetting every comma...everywhere. "'Dad is a world-renown scientist.' Gaze stated blankly. 'He gets...'" You're putting commas at the end of fragments in dialogue, when it should just be a comma. I know this was written as while ago, and I'm nagging you on this, but I hope you've fixed that in future stories.

I like the "echo" of his past life-it's like the actual cartoon, but a little more adult. (: Gaz's visit really added a nice element-he's an adult now, and he has to face the facts of that.

So nice chapter, but too short and too fast.

~Short review is short~

-R.
R.L. Sisters chapter 7 . 1/28/2012
:3 Okay, I'm back again. So, let's get started.

First, I'm loving Dib's dark, demented, let's-rip-'em-apart-mwhahaha side. :D It's...adorable. I'm seeing my old Dib back, risen from the dead, I suppose. You've captured his odd sort of desperation quite well, you know, that one-minded, I'm so not crazy, kind of feel about him. This just seems exactly what Dib would do. I also like the replacement of his "voices"-the inner child has taken over, and now his older, more matured self is trying to convince him otherwise. (: It just seems like younger Dib has just leapt back into the scene!

May I say that Zim's entrance was a bit blunt, without too much transition. He just jumped into the scene kind of awkwardly. You went from narrating his daydreams to reality a little too quickly.

Mistake: "Dib was still amazed he'd fell for that damn thing." Tense change with the "he (would)" to "fell."

"Irken" is capitalized I think. (:

Wow, I didn't think Zim would pull that card...he really is a child inside. XD And I'm even more shocked Dib would go with it! Guess he's just too nice.

"Dib replied in a stern tone, 'You have to answer me." The "you" shouldn't be capitalized.

"...his evil buddies to help him do...stuff." Stuff. Of doom. Doomy stuff.

So, Dib makes a breakthrough with the tall...problem. And thanks for bringing up the point of Zim can just MAKE himself taller...maybe it's "illegal" for Irkens to do that?

Well, this chapter wasn't the most exciting...but, we made some progress, I suppose. Maybe it was my lack of attention, but it seems that you've improved in commas and such. So good job with that.

(Sorry for that lack of positive feedback...or feedback in general. I just had something quite unfortunate happen and I'm not in the mood for reviews. /:)

-R.
R.L. Sisters chapter 6 . 1/24/2012
Ah-ha! :3 I'm bbbaaaccckkkk!

Now, let's get to the life of our partially-sane Dib-stink...

I've noticed that you've continued to lack commas in some spots. (A recurring problem.) Such as "Now however it seemed..." you're lacking two (after "now" and "however") or one-not really sure about that. Another example would be, "all this thinking was giving him a headache(comma?) and considering he was a genius (comma) that was an awful lot of thinking.

Also, some of your sentences in this chapter are quite awkward. "...meet one's nightmares face to face and they are rendered so real as to be utterly powerful." It makes enough sense, but it still leaves me with a tilted head-it just doesn't seem clear. Maybe that's just me.

Then there's the comma problem again, which has manifested itself into this chapter. But, I'll leave you alone with that.

"...orchestrated him from all other around him..."

Orchestrated? Ummm...wrong word there-and "other" needs to be plural.

You are honestly making me feel bad for Dib. o-o Normally, I like to see him miserable and desperate (hehe), but now, he seems so...broken. Almost like he lost "Dib"-well, the quirky, off Dib at least. /: When he looks back on his past, I just feel so horrible for him-his dreams never came true-he really was insane. But, maybe it was for the best. Also, I like the way you approached his family and the way they interact. It gives me a good view on how Dib really sees his loved ones, and the manner in which he interacts with other people.

I'm glad Dib's getting back with his inner child (8'D My/Our/Their Dib has returned!) but I didn't really like this chapter. It seemed partially pointless save a bit of backround information and his acceptance of Zim's alien-ness. There just wasn't as much action as the other chapters, and I feel like this isn't really a "slower" part of the story. But, I guess it was a needed part, so I can't really complain. Also, it was a bit vague and didn't really capture me as much as the other's did. I just crushed your "I like this chapter :D" feeling didn't I?

Good job anways.

-R.
R.L. Sisters chapter 5 . 1/22/2012
After reading your author's note, I've decided you need a confidence boost. /: Yeah, this isn't the best fanfic that I've ever read, but you're doing fine!

Now, let's get started...

"Dib's world had just shattered around him like a stone hitting a film of ice over a lake." Wow...way, way too long-it deludes the impact of the image.

"...and he wanted to be sick." Well, that's a first. o-o "...and he felt as though he was going to be sick" would've sounded more...natural.

Then there's the "shock to the system" sentence...system? Um...Maybe I'm ignorant, but I don't think that's the right word.

You know what, I just don't like that first paragraph at all.

And...what's up with the variation with the spelling of the word "counselor?" You're saying "councillor" sometimes and I don't really understand...

"GEDDOFFME!" Gedd? Okay then, Dib...

The Dib-Got-Shocked-Oh-Dear scene went by too fast. There was a serious lack of description, and then it just sort of dead-ended with "darkness." In fact, the beginning of this chapter was all too fast. Dib could've questioned more, Zim could've flipped out, etc.

Squid man shall be the Dib! :D Well, besides getting eaten by a shark, that guy had a pretty nice...day? Right?

Also, you're using "fruitless" way too many times. There are many other words that could be replaced with, so I won't give you too much mercy on that one.

Just another random note-I don't think you need 175 IQ to figure out that Gir will let you escape. (;

And another random thing I must say-Dib you better make Gir that cake. Seriously. oo

I just want to point out there is a randomly capalatized "That" when Dib is questioning Gir's intelligence.

So, the ending felt a bit rushed, but besides that, this was an okay chapter.

Well, I'm off.

-R.
R.L. Sisters chapter 4 . 1/22/2012
Hi, I'm back.

So, let's get right down to business.

I've noticed you've continued to use the wrong "then/than"-"then" for "and then I drank pudding" and "than" for "I am better than the orange sock." I'm sure you know that, but it's best to say it anyways.

I was very amused by Dib's reactions when he arrived at the house. :3 I found myself smiling as I read through his...entrance. And trust me, that's a biggy. You caught the roboparent's "personalities" very well, although I felt like they'd harass him a bit more.

Also, I think Dib would catch onto the "robot" thing a little faster...but who knows, this is the IZ world, and everyone's intelligence isn't exactly at it's top level.

"NONE MAY ENTER THE MASTERS BASE!" Ragerageragerage! 1. Noone? That says...nu-nee. Nu-nee is not no one. It's two words ("no one"). :l (Sorry, that just irks me.) 2. It should be "Master's" considering it's showing possession.

"...smashing each other in front of the over..." Oven?

I like the element you added with Dib battling with his "crazy" innner child. (Dib was off-but not nearly as much as everyone else.)

"...that reminded Dib far too much of H. R. Giger art." O-O A world of H. G. Giger art...take me with you!

Telsa-style lab...:3 Lovin' the description there.

Okay, so now for some stuff on your style...This is in 1st person, so I'll give you mercy for the vagueness of it all, but I feel like you're just sweeping through the story. Your chapters are short and not very compelling, but Dib's narration still occasionally spices things up. But, hey, it's not all bad! The story is unique, and you catch the characters very well!

So yeah, I'll be looking foward to reading more.

-R.
R.L. Sisters chapter 3 . 1/7/2012
I have returned from the dead! :D

Sorry, for taking so long. You see, reviewing...it takes the time I don't have. :l

Okay, so I'm liking this chapter more than any of your other ones. Maybe it's just the fact my brain has been reduced to mush, but you seem to be improving a lot. [Although you don't think so according to your author's note. .]

First problem I saw:

"Some time is lack of foresight"

Second: "...being listened too..." wrong "too" I believe.

"'What's so terrible about mission?' A sudden terrible thought hit him..." D: Ah, double "terrible" usage is bad! Well...it's not very dramatic...

"...counsellor said simply..." First of all, you spelled "counselor" wrong, and you're using the "said simply" phrase a lot. /: Spice it up! :)

"Right now he was helping some kid who really, really sucked at maths try to get a B." Maths? There are no maths! .

For no apparent reason, I just want to say the song I was listening to started to rush very fast as Dib grabbed and read the file. :D This, may I add, doubled the dramatic appeal.

I have to tell you I noticed a few grammatical issues, but I won't list them because I'm not sure about it...

Oh, and one last thing, I felt like Zim rushed out a little too fast for me, and Dib didn't seem to put up much resistance. Really, the overall chapter felt a little lacking. But, you pulled it together nicely in the end.

So, anyways, I'll try to review faster. O-o

-R.
R.L. Sisters chapter 2 . 12/29/2011
[Bear with my "throwing words on a paper", disconnected kind of reviews I do. l3]

Okay, prepare for some nit-picking...:D [You created a monster, my friend]

Okay, the second sentence made me want to wreathe on the floor with its length, but after that, you started doing a lot better. Many of your sentences could be broken up into two, but I already said that...so I'll try to leave that subject alone.

[I.E. "That is if Zim even bothered showing up, the man had a feeling that the little green boy wasn't one for following orders for people he didn't like." The comma should be a period from my little, tiny bit of knowledge. And, just because this is a review, and I can whine all I want, I'd say "from" instead of "for" in "...orders for people..."]

Okay, I just want to add that the "hell"s that pepper your story are really making this teeter on almost...a story-telling kind of...person...Agh! Sorry, I lack any knowledge of literary criticism, so all my terms are very unprofessional. -.- But, anyways, you slip between a personal manner [where you are almost talking to the reader] and a kind of removed person. But...we discussed this as well, didn't we?

"You can't even decided..." What? Tense change~

May I say you catch Zim's personality quite well, but not perfectly. But, in my opinion, Zim is a hard character to capture, so it's okay. [Although, I've never written an IZ story...]

"But than again..." Unless my entire life has been a lie, I don't think that's the right "then/than." It's not really comparing anything...I think. o-o

I have to say, you forget to put commas in sometimes. -.o Now, I'm not the greatest at punctuation, but I can catch a few places where you forgot a comma or two. Strangely enough, it tends to be just one sentence that lacks commas, and then the next one is fine. O.o Never seen that before. "Why do [you] think they don't." Hehe…I think you may want to fix that. X3

And, from the depths of my complaining soul...smellys should be spelled “Smellies” even though it’s not a word so…I can’t really say that….

Anyways, when you said, "My Tallest." I think that should be a comma, considering it’s not a full sentence. [I don’t really know]

Story comment :D- Agh, finally Dib! I can see the old you! :D…Now, stop second-guessing yourself! D:

“…however instead due to…” I don’t think the “instead” is needed. It just ends up making everything confusing. .

Another story comment: Oh, and Zim, having friend-slaves is perfectly normal…

“…he sounded, he could tell, his frustration at others probably…” That doesn’t make a lot of sense...A run-on, maybe?

“The boy too a moment…” Should be “took”~

“…I've ever met, Zim but if I'm…” The comma should be after Zim, I believe.

“…on this, behind those…” Missing an “and”

“He was a kid [;], [he] couldn't get mad at a kid.” You and your missing words…work on that, will you? (:

Okay, your main problems are punctuation and forgetting words. . Thankfully, those are easy fixes, so no worries!

*whimpers* Well, my eyes hurt from staring at the screen, I’ve run out of cookies, and if I copy and paste one more thing I think I may pass out. So, there’s your review. Fun.

-R.

[Sorry about the grammar and such~]
R.L. Sisters chapter 1 . 12/28/2011
Well, I heard of you from a few writers on a forum, and I thought I'd check one of you stories out. [This one was recomended]. Well, you lived up to my expectations. (:

The concept for this story was very intriguing, so I was eager to begin. But, I knew you're a descent writer, so you would think you want something more helpful than 'Lol! Gr8 stry!,' so I'm going to try to do a little criticism. l3 For sake of time and leaving a review, not a book report, I'll keep this brief.

It took me about 5 seconds to realize I don't like you style. But, that's just me. The sentences are nearing run-ons, and I feel you're loading way too much information into a small area.

Example?

"He was a tall, thin young man, having just graduated from [the?] university [of...?] with a psychologist degree and a degree in child studies, his job?" Now, besides the double use of degree and the missing "the" I want to say you're packing a lot of info into that sentence-his appeance, where he works, and a random kind of fragment-sentence...thing at the end. Now, I'm no professional, but for me, that's a lot to take in, and the question really throws me off.

(Just me nit-picking, but the sentence after that lacks any punctuation.)

Anywho, you seem to be catching a 'more mature' Dib quite well. (: You know, keeping his regular quirkiness, but having him more professional. (: Minor victory! 8D

I can see that [older] Dib is very much unaware of Zim's...alien...nes...But, considering Dib's pretty quick, I think he'll figure things out pretty fast. [Echos of old memories, maybe? (;]

So...meh, I could say 10'000 other things and more, but I won't bother you too much. /:

-R. Sister

[Forgive any spelling or grammatical won't let me copy and paste for editing.]
CiCi The Awesome chapter 14 . 12/25/2011
This is such an amazing story! I love it so far and can't wait for more :D

~~Cici
PrototypeLova chapter 14 . 12/21/2011
Reading this chapter was the most depressing done I've done all day... Because after reading this, I noticed there was no 'next chapter' button. It's saddening that my favorite story I had just discovered today has to come to such a screeching halt. Please update soon!
HelloDarlingLove chapter 2 . 12/7/2011
"No one. Your smelly head doesn't need to know." Love that line, very comical and Zim-like.

0ne thing I will say (and this is a pet-peeve so just ignore me) is that Dib does not have a last name. Vasquez confirmed it, both in person and in the show :)
HelloDarlingLove chapter 1 . 12/4/2011
Good! I like how intelligently this is written. Good first chapter.
cheddarbiscuit chapter 14 . 11/26/2011
DIGIMON! FUCK YEAH!

That made the entire chapter "enough." That, and the fact that we're both loaded down with college work at the time, so I understand.

Dib being the geek that he is is always a good read.
Invader jrek chapter 14 . 11/22/2011
lol she frowns like a rancor.
xoAmaxi chapter 14 . 11/22/2011
Wooooo - I'm so glad about the updates. This story is so interesting, but, I wonder, where will this all lead to..? I have absolutely no clue as to how this tale is to end, so I'm DYING to read the rest, aha. Now what on earth could gaz be up to..? Can't wait for chapter 15! n_n
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