|Reviews for James T Kirk: Guide and Owner's Manual|
| Summer of '69 chapter 1 . 3/2/2013
I don't know what it's like in your head, but it must be fun.
| The-Queen-of-Fantasy chapter 1 . 3/4/2012
O. M. G.
I want one!
This was brilliant. Pure genius, I tell you.
What is your company address because I will be sending in my order ASAP ;)
| letsrun96 chapter 1 . 2/9/2011
Ahaha, I loved this. I also loved your other "manuals" for the characters.
"Q: My Jim and Spock are always looking at each other, making strange comments, and disappearing for long periods of time. Last night I found Jim leaving Spock's room at 2:15 in the MORNING. Whats happening?
A: Do you really want to know?"
HAHA, Almost any story I read, even if it's not Kirk/Spock, a reference to them always manages to slip in. Makes me laugh.
| CherokeeRose chapter 1 . 11/7/2010
Whoops! Sorry, I put "The Quirks Of Jim Kirk" on in my last review when I MEANT to say "Son". Sorry, that happens sometimes when I press paste accidentally. I MEANT to say that I fell in love with your story "Son". Lol
| CherokeeRose chapter 1 . 11/7/2010
Hey there! I'm loving the whole idea here. Really cute story! (And I'm also loving the fact that I'm the first person to review, hehe yay.) The only problem in this majorly awesome story is that there's a few spelling and grammatical errors. You seem to do what I do which is get going and get really excited about writing and then miss adding some letters to the ends of words or phrasing some things improperly. Anyway there's just a few minor changes and it'll be absolutely PERFECT!
1. You need to decide if you are going to capitalize the word “unit” or not in the story. You go back and forth between “Jim unit” and “Jim Unit” quite a bit. Personally I like it capitalized. Hehe, sounds more like a real owners manual. But you should go back and look at every time you say “unit” and change it to either upper or lower case for the ENTIRE story so that you’re consistent. Right now you’re doing about half and half. This is important because it distracts the reader when you go back and forth between “Jim unit” and Jim Unit”. (Same goes for all other units like the “Spock Unit.”) So if you’re calling him the “Jim Unit”, (which you obviously are here, cause the story’s about an owner’s manual, which is awesome by the way,) you need to go back to all the places where you mention the character’s names and make sure that they’re all referred to as the “Jim Unit” or the “Spock Unit.” But when you're just saying "your units" or "the other units", that would be lowercase, because it's not part of the name.
2. “As he is normally 25 year old...” Should be “years” with an “s".
3. “...smile and tease otherunits.” Needs a space between the two words: “other units” instead of “otherunits".
4. “...of something he did” Needs a period after “did".
5. “...or is feeling pressured into doing something he don't want to.” Bad grammar. Should be “doesn’t want to” instead of “don’t want to".
6. “...his friends or family members are hurt, scared and endanger.” Should be “...scared and endangered” OR “...scared and in danger." I also think you meant “...his friends or family members are hurt, scared, or in danger." instead of “...and endanger.”
7. “...which annoys Jim but get on fine.” I think you meant: “...but they get on fine.” Again, if you’re referring to Jim as the “Jim Unit” you need to do continue to refer to him as the “Jim Unit” every time and not just “Jim”.
8. “This unit is a friend and First Officer to the Jim Unit. The Spock Unit often becomes unemotional and detached some times which annoys Jim but get on fine.” This is a run on sentence with some missing words. Also, the way you say that the Spock Unit both "often" and "sometimes" becomes "unemotional and detached" is contradictory. He either becomes "unemotional and detached" often OR sometimes, but not both. You also refer to the him as just "Jim" here when the story you're creating calls him the "Jim Unit". Maybe consider breaking this up into two sentences? I’d say this: “This unit is a friend and First Officer to the Jim Unit. The Spock Unit can become unemotional and detached sometimes, which will occasionally annoy the Jim Unit. But they generally get on fine.”
9. “This unit is a like a mentor and sometimes worry your unit with knowledge of the future there is no harm leaving them alone.” Run on sentence, the word “a” should not be in front of “like a mentor” ("a like a mentor" makes no sense), and “worry” should be “worries” or “...and sometimes will worry...”. Here’s how I would phrase it: “This unit is like a mentor to the Jim Unit, and sometimes will worry your unit with knowledge of the future. But there is no harm in leaving them alone.”
10. “These units are friends but things get kind of tense after Jim gets Spock emotionally compromised but they will get over it.” Run on sentence again. Needs to be broken up. Also, the whole “Unit” thing comes into play here again. You need to put the word "Unit" in after their name every time you use their name. Maybe the sentence would sound better like this?: “These units are friends, but things may get kind of tense after the Jim Unit makes the Spock Unit emotionally compromised. But they will get over it.”
11. “...really belongs to it's all good.” Should say “really belongs to, but it’s all good.”
12. “These units are friends. .” You have an extra period there.
13. “Jim will always look out for Chevok so there is no hard feelings there.” Again, you should refer to all of the characters as “Units". Also- typo there with Checkov’s name. It just needs to be changed to “Checkov” instead of “Chevok.”
14. “He is the father figure to Jim and tries to keep him in line but mostly to no avail but he respects Pike all the same. No problem leaving them alone” Pretty big run on sentence. Period missing at the end of the second sentence. Needs to be changed to something like this: “The Pike (Christopher? You seem to be referring to all the "units" by their first name), Unit acts as the father figure for the Jim Unit. The Pike Unit tries to keep the Jim Unit in line, but usually to no avail. However, the Jim Unit respects him all the same. There should be no problems leaving them alone.”
15. “This unit helped him hack the Maru but they aren't exactly friends” Just needs a period at the end. Maybe not abbreviate "Maru"?
16. “If he keep this up I'm he is going to die.” Half formed thought? Needs an “s” on the end of “keep” and “I’m he is going to die” doesn’t make sense. I think you meant: “If he keeps this up I’m afraid that he is going to die.”
17. “My Spock and Jim units aren't talking and Gaila seems to be happened to make such a tough situation into a war one?” Woah there! That doesn’t make any sense. I think you meant: “My Spock and Jim Units aren’t talking and my Gaila Unit seems to have made things worse. What could have happened to turn a a tough situation into an all out war?” Or it might sound better as just: “My Spock and Jim Units aren’t talking and my Gaila Unit seems to have made a bad situation worse?”
18. “They will hunt down and successfully rescue Pike so there is no need to worry.” Kind of a run on. You might want to break up the “so there is no need to worry” into a new sentence. "Unit" thing here again.
19. “Whats happening?” Needs to have an apostrophe after the “t” in “What’s".
Anyhoo, this is a great story with a REALLY cute idea. I think it would be neat to see all the other "Units" and what they're manuals entail. Or maybe we could learn more about the Jim Unit and what he does in different situations? That would be cool. Oh! And what kind of food are we supposed to feed our Jim Units? What kind of activities do our Jim Units enjoy?
Hehe, hope you continue writing this! Thanks for brightening my day with such a cute story.
Keep on rockin',
(P.S. You're one of my favorite authors on here. I fell in LOVE with "The Quirks of Jim Kirk" and have been hooked ever since. You are simply fantastic. :)