|Reviews for Gentleness of the Supported Lotus|
| Daisy312 chapter 2 . 6/20/2012
That was really well written and definitely original!
| Caladbolg777 chapter 2 . 5/18/2012
Interesting story, though I do have some constructive criticisms that I will try to limit redundancy based on what your other reviewers have said.
It seems that a lot of aspects of this story seem to defy convention: polygamy as a centerpiece of the plot, Jin's mother is a very powerful firebender (more powerful than Azula by your suggestions), Jin as a resistance leader, this mysterious father figure (who to me sounds like Long Feng, and I hope I'm wrong), and finally Toph is on good terms with her parents. I think my main critique with these aspects of your story is that you do not interweave these points into the story enough. They all seem to beg the questions of "how?" or "why?" and you don't provide much in solutions.
Having said that, I think you have also allowed yourself a wonderful way to enhance the pull and attraction of your story for it to be memorable to the reader by expanding on these points. Perhaps the most important point I think you discussed, but not nearly enough, was the idea of polygamy and the character's reactions. Granted, polygamy might be theoretically possible but it is never mentioned in the show (it is a kid's show, so that makes sense). You can work with that, but I do think your characters need to address the concept and debate it on some level. It is a theme of your story that you are not applying and integrating enough in my opinion. Jin, of all people, I think should be vehemently opposed to this since in the past polygamy and harems were practiced amongst the nobility and rulers. Commoners were saved from this concept, and so I can imagine commoners like Jin being opposed to this blatant disregard for women's rights. Katara, if you remember, hates the male preference practices of the Northern Water Tribe and fights it fiercely. Women's rights has been discussed before, and I think it's not a poetic license violation to have a character fight the treaty.
Your OC Xia is interesting if a little flat in personality and growth. Her placement in the story also seems forced given her background as an ex Fire Nation Royal Guard. There is no backstory or explanation as to why she is in the Earth Kingdom, much less Ba Sing Se. You have her say that she was a royal guard, then left, and came to Ba Sing Se, but what I guess I am asking you is this: in the overall plot of the story, why do you need Xia to be Fire Nation, a previous royal guard, and a powerful firebender, when her role can easily have been filled with a nameless, faceless Earth Kingdom woman? In other words, what is her significance in the story and what does she add to the story?
The other two points are more minor side details that I think you need to address as well, but maybe you do not need to go into a lot of detail. For example, you just mention that Lao and Toph had a lot of talks and are on better terms, not perfect, but better. The same goes for Jin's role as a resistance leader - which by the way is also very puzzling since Jin seems to be the last person expected to lead a resistance. Not only that, she probably would have seen Iroh on the battlefield so her surprise that Iroh is from the Fire Nation seems implausible. Soldiers talk. Someone in a city the size of Ba Sing Se (which is approximately the size of a small country) is bound to know the man who spent nearly 2 years attacking them approximately 10-15 years before your story begins. His identity, come to think of it, should probably not be a surprise or a major secret after the war.
Some positive things though that I like are the interactions between Jin and Toph - though maybe you should explain the Fancy Day Spa experience in more depth (I would take cues from the show in that Katara and Toph went through their experiences in a montage - similar to what you did - but in the show each segment of the montage has some specific actions happening, no just some descriptions. Toph's feet get scraped and she is in pain and then she earthbends the workers away in one segment, in another she scares away another worker during their time in the mud bath. Stuff is happening besides the regular actions of having a mud bath, getting a pedicure, etc.)
Where I think you came out very strong with Toph and Jin's bonding was when they were telling stories about Zuko in embarrassing situations. I think if you take that sort of fun aspect and apply it to the spa montage, then you'll have a much stronger display of the two bonding - because after all that is the point of the girl's day out.
I think also that your ending was quite strong as well and although it gives us a curiosity as to who the husband is, I sensed that vibe of finality that good endings tend to have in your story. It's probably subjective, but it's a nice sense of closure and peace that the story is over and you as the reader have time to reflect that signifies a good ending. Your story has most of this, and for that I say good job.
So while I yearn for more description and overall depth in your story, with some tying loose ends together, I think you have a wonderful story here that is well done. Keep up the good work and best of luck!
| Forgiveable chapter 1 . 10/24/2011
You should look into getting a good beta-reader. The overall quality of this chapter is "okay" at best. Issues include: mixing tenses throughout, capitalisation, punctuation, typos, and missed words. There also seemed to be a lack of description in the chapter. This is intended to be constructive criticism so don't misunderstand.
Good points: a great concept for a story. Can't say I'm much into AtLA fandom (this is the first fanfic I've read) but I like this story. There's lots of potential with this concept. Also, reading this makes me want to watch the show again. Which is a good thing. ]
I'll likely return to this and read more when I have time.
| SkorpionQueen012 chapter 2 . 12/29/2010
| Elkian chapter 1 . 12/9/2010
Thus far pretty good, but I think you would be well served either by a beta reader or at least going through a chapter after you've finished it. There's a few typos and mistakes, like you were rushing. Otherwise it looks pretty good.
| Impossible Love a Jinko fan chapter 1 . 11/30/2010
ok good story so far, in being a little Firenation unexpected but well received here...as for her father. Well interesting question, one I cannot answer, It has to be someone old in the realm of Teo's and Haru's father, but certainly not them, we are probably talking of a non bender here...but that will make Jin more probable of a Firebender than she needs to.
And well I'll keep reading as you keep writing. I am wanting badly to know what happened to Mai
| Densharr chapter 2 . 11/29/2010
Hmmm... Judging by the description, I'd have to guess Long Feng, but that seems REALLY OoC for him.
Interesting story - I don't think that I've ever seen a fic with 2 Fire Ladies in it, especially not two Earth Kingdoms ladies (the only one I could conceivably imagine would be Toph and Katara (or Yue, in some CRAZY AU).
But now I'm left wondering - will there be an (eventual) Toph/Jin romance? Joph?
| Wiki Wiki chapter 2 . 11/13/2010
Loved Jin and Toph's bonding time. Poor Zuko, he's got a lot of paybacks coming for him. But good thing they both got their decisions made. Wedding time!
I wonder if anyone can guess the father!
| Vengurd chapter 1 . 11/12/2010
First off, let me start by saying you have a good start. Its solid and show potential.
Second off, I feel that, as a reviewer I need to give constructive criticisms or questions, so here goes.
Why exactly is Jin leader of the resistance? Was she a member in canon or is it simply an original idea? Can she fight?
How is it that Toph is so well known? I don't remember that being a very publicized item. This brings about a number of other questions such as, are you intentionally mixing Toph's attraction to Sokka to Zuko instead? Remember that in the last season she only wanted to be with Zuko because everyone else had some sort of great adventure with him.
Why and how are Toph's parents so understanding of her? In the series they were rather...Strict, they did after all hire those two to chase after and catch her.
Beyond that I don't have much else to add, though I will say nice touch with Jin's mother, though I wonder at your making such a...overpowered original character to play such a role.
| Kamon772 chapter 1 . 11/7/2010
Interestin story so far as it does seem like something that could happen as to seal the deal with treaty for the end the hundred year war the leaders of the two major nations that fought marry girls from the opposite nation. It can help give people the image that the war is truly over and there is no worries about it starting up again. While it also take the wind out the sails of those that still want to fight.
Mai left with word part was good way of ending her and Zuko's realtionship as that how Zuko did the first time in the canon when he left to join the Avatar but does she show up later one regretting her choice and jealous of Toph and Jin or shows up to help them.
I like part about how Jin been doing since Zuko left her and that Lao and Poppy understood that they were being overprotective and give Toph some space.
The end was pretty funny with Jin's mother claiming she burn Iroh's sideburns off. Though is she called the White Flame because her fire is white or because she could produce fires that were well over one 1,300 degree (the Temperature where fire's flame turns white).
Also when Jin get really angry is she capable of produce fire like her mother as emotions do efect a firebenders
| aegisZero chapter 1 . 11/7/2010
looking forward to your story.
| Wiki Wiki chapter 1 . 11/6/2010
Okay, well I like this a lot so far. I remember you telling me about Jin's mom being a firebender in a PM, but it still surprised me when I read it. Poor Jin, didn't handle the treaty idea too well. and thank goodness you aren't adding any Zutara in here.
I noticed a few spelling/grammar errors. You can PM me if you want me to point those out.
oh and thanks for mentioning me at the end! but one problem you said 'helping wikiwiki with HIS own story' when it should be 'HER own story' :)
can't wait for the next chapter!