|Reviews for Kotaro's first kiss|
| 4701rose chapter 1 . 2/16/2014
If I did that to MY crush, I'd get my face busted in. . . oh well. All's fair in love and war.
| xXxSoulKeeperxXx chapter 1 . 1/18/2011
Time for the critique. No, not a flame, a critique. Muchly different my friend.
First... Some body else has told you this. Paragraphs. Makes the text easier to read, that and they are ESSENTIAL as in, NEEDED GREATLY when there is somebody else speaking or there's a change in topic. Such as:
"Yeah, I can't believe they did that..."
"Tell me about it,"
Yeah. Like that. Space it out when there's a new speaker, otherwise it gets confusing, fast.
Second point, "nee-chan" "kun" "chan" "sama" etc, don't need to be included. Then again, considering this is Japanese formalities and they are, well, in Japan I'll let it slide ;P
Third point. Watch out for words that sound like they are one word.
"wetdream" is not on word, my friend it is two.
You may want to include that is is a bit of a "lime" story. A "lime" is like sex without penetration... Not like I got that far, I got too confused reading the same sentence over that I didn't get to finish the story.
Hope I helped. Update your story ._. Perhaps add a bit MORE to it.
| lol chapter 1 . 1/17/2011
wtf did i just read?
| LordLenne chapter 1 . 11/7/2010
I love this one-shot and how you made it, but here's my small criticism.
Making spaces between sentences/paragraphs is important. Half of the time, it's hard to read cramped sentences.
Anyways, very good KotaNegi