|Reviews for Angel on Campus|
| TxA-GunFighter chapter 12 . 8/8/2011
| TxA-GunFighter chapter 11 . 8/8/2011
| TxA-GunFighter chapter 10 . 8/8/2011
Very good chapter.
| captainwhiteshadow chapter 7 . 7/14/2011
Another remarkable story so far! I thought Harry moving out of the magical world would be dull at first, but it's turning out to be really interesting. I just find one thing odd though. Harry and his friends were talking all about the magical world in front of the kids, who know they are different but don't know exactly why, and yet the kids didn't get excited and start asking about wizards? Idk, maybe I just need to keep reading to find out. Anyway, overall it's pretty good. D
| GreyAncient chapter 2 . 7/5/2011
Story isn't bad. Characterization is good, apart from you making Ron into a borderline rapist. Description paragraphs are a but inconsistent but tolerable. However, you need to stop abusing commas. Your sentences, should not look like, this. You don't need a comma before "and" unless you're making a list of three or more items, you don't need a comma on either side of "but", and you don't need to throw random commas into your sentences. I would seriously consider reading up on punctuation rules if I were you. That or get a beta reader.
That being said, it's more of an annoyance than a story-breaker. I'm just hoping it clears up in later chapters.
| mitremlap chapter 30 . 6/26/2011
loved your story, thank you
| mitremlap chapter 1 . 6/26/2011
| brigrove chapter 25 . 6/10/2011
After all, 8 years was not that many.
Lavender is Harry's age. Sirius is Harry's parents' age. I don't think James and Lily had Harry when they were eight years old.
Queen and the behaviour of those around her so OOC it's become a caricature, sorry. Perhaps Humor instead of Angst/Adventure would be more accurate?
In undoing every single death which contributed to making Harry who he is, why didn't you bring back Cedric? You brought back everyone else.
| brigrove chapter 22 . 6/10/2011
minor Britpick but also a WOW for avoid a major Americanism which just about everybody does
the minor mistake - yard
British definition - a piece of uncultivated ground adjoining a building, typically one enclosed by walls or other buildings.
(most commonly this is cheap workers terrace house with a small concrete yard out the back, NOT a garden).
The American meaning of yard, we would call a garden even if it's only lawn. The Burrow, being rural, might have a small yard outside the back door, an enclosed area to keep chickens or something, but the rest of the land would just be referred to as "the grounds" or "the land" or something similar, though if the area is something like mown grass, hey could say "garden"
The biggie avoided
You had ushers which is the correct role for male friends (other than the best man) in a British wedding. Just about every other fic I've read has "groomsmen" o male friends "standing up with the groom", which don't exist in Britain.
Did you research that?
The Ring-bearing is traditionally done by the best man, but in Harry's situation, with two small children, Lillian being able to be a flower girl, I think it's a good idea to give James a role in the ceremony.
Loved giving Dobby the role of best man (or should that be best elf?)
Not sure I'd want to return for a year, it would be hell thinking all that time that you're on a countdown. But if you actually GAVE me the chance to see my wife again for a year or a month, a week, even a few minutes... Hell yes. Rational or not, who could say no to that?
| brigrove chapter 20 . 6/10/2011
London Times. There is no such publication. It is The Times as it was started back in 1785, nearly seventy years before imitators like the New York Times.
The Times is the original "Times" newspaper, lending its name to many other papers around the world, such as The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, The Seattle Times, The Daily Times (Malawi), Jimma Times (Ethiopia), The Times of India, The Straits Times, The Times of Malta and The Irish Times. For distinguishing purposes it is therefore sometimes referred to, particularly in North America, as the 'London Times' or 'The Times of London'.
Nobody in Britain and few outside of North America, would ever refer to the London Times.
I must tell all my fans that this is not the story this paper wanted to print, but, I had to enlighten them to the fact that Lord Sirius Orion Black would bring the full force of the law down upon their shoulders if this story was tainted in any way, other than what I write.
NO WAY would the Prophet or any newspaper print that
| brigrove chapter 19 . 6/9/2011
If there is such a thing, I'll have to complain to the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Floors after you had Vernon faint and land on it!
| brigrove chapter 15 . 6/9/2011
I can JUST ABOUT cope with Malfoy being a decent member of society and sending his weirdly-named son off to Hogwarts, instead of being locked up in Azkaban for life, but Malfoy as an Angel?
It'll be Saint Severus next haha
| brigrove chapter 14 . 6/9/2011
wouldn't the goblins have known that Sirius wasn't dead?
| brigrove chapter 13 . 6/9/2011
I think (hope!) you meant induction
| brigrove chapter 11 . 6/9/2011
much better chapter
"The college" should be "The university".
NORMALLY colleges in Britain are educational establishments offering lower grade courses, like diplomas, whereas universities are where you go for a degree.
A FEW universities, including Cambridge and Oxford, are divided into colleges, which are a bit like bigger versions of the houses you find in many boarding schools or Hogwarts, except that usually, everyone studying the same subject will be in the same college.
But while the university would be referred to as "the university" in and around Cambridge or Oxford, each college would be referred to by name.