|Reviews for In The Ashes|
| Guest chapter 43 . 4/12
Oh my goodness. Please tell me this isn't the end of the story! It's so perfect! Severus is written so well, and everyone else- I love this story. I hope you decide to continue when you have the time. xoxo
| Cause-and-Author chapter 13 . 4/9
Dramatic Escape! Well played. I'm ... a little confused about the vow. That ... doesn't seem like something very smart to do. Why would you make such a vow? Why would you actually choose to enable the prophecy that spells your defeat? Clever trick with the blood, I look forward to seeing what the plot point does later on!
| Cause-and-Author chapter 12 . 4/9
Good use of clever Weasley products, which are always a hoot.
| Cause-and-Author chapter 11 . 4/9
Magical body armor! Brilliant! Also approve of the paramilitary planning, which is about 4 books too late. *eye roll* damn Dumbledore. Any road, this was very well done - your adventure pacing continues to be tense and addicting.
| Cause-and-Author chapter 10 . 4/9
Neville the pureblood knows how to drive? Neville the klutz? Also noticing a curious lack of internal exposure while the happy couple are intimate. By which I mean, we "see" their actions, but we don't get to hear their thoughts - which might help explain the haste they seem to be in? I know I'm throwing stones in glass houses here, because this is something I utterly fail to capture in my own writing, but its lack is noticeable.
| Cause-and-Author chapter 9 . 4/9
An ... interesting dynamic with Hermione and Severus. There's also a lot going on here with the Malfoys, and why Snape was in France to begin with; I like how ruthlessly practical you're being with the establishment of a safehouse and the evacuation of Britain. I feel very much like you've dropped us in the middle of the story (in media res, as it were) without explaining how you deviated from the known canon, and when, and where.
I continue to goggle at the almighty haste being displayed by Hermione and Severus, and to be honest it feels very much like you wanted to have an adventure story where Hermione and Severus are lovers - then set about writing that in the fastest way possible. Your dramatic / storytelling pacing is fine, but your romantic pacing seems extremely compressed without further elaboration on their background.
| Cause-and-Author chapter 8 . 4/9
Your Hermione is very divergent from the typical characterisation. Smoking, drinking, sexually confident - I suspect you had a very different idea of their year on the run and what it entailed.
| Cause-and-Author chapter 7 . 4/9
Hmm... Moving very fast! This seems somewhat unlikely after only this short a time. I like your work with the adventure part of the plot, thus far, but I feel like the romance is being presented somewhat fait accompli.
| Cause-and-Author chapter 6 . 4/9
Hmm. Draco must have contributed quite a bit of cash, or the Gringotts goblins are playing fast and loose with the books. I'm willing to accept the idea that they have a Muggle branch, essentially, so we'll done there.
I feel like Snape is being underrepresented in the cleverness department. He should not have needed to ask Hermione what the cover story was going to be... Unless this is his way of showing get that he's willing to accept her leadership of the Order? It seems odd to me.
I can't wait to see the Luna / Draco backstory. Hermione seems to be moving pretty fast as well - I get that she's lost and alone and hurting, wanting to connect to other living people, but it seems to have come on suddenly. I would have expected a longer realisation, a gradual process of relaxation leading to familiarity, comfort, friendship, intimacy, feelings.
Otherwise, excellent - you've done your research, clearly, and it shows.
| Cause-and-Author chapter 5 . 4/9
Interesting! If Harry is dead, but not by Voldemort's hand, is the Harry-Scar-Horcrux also destroyed? Dumbledore seemed especially convinced that it must be voldemort himself who killed him, but perhaps that was only on the assumption that Voldemort would have the elder wand, which would not actually kill Harry. Interesting!
I'm continuing to be pleased with the cunning being displayed by the characters - it feels like there's some unexplored backstory here, why Snape and Hermione and Draco and Luna are all on such close terms; why Ron isn't loathing Snape to oily bits, etc. I can't wait for the reveal(s)!
| Cause-and-Author chapter 4 . 4/9
I realize that Snape is currently convalescing-on-the-run, but I was glad to see that he's taking an active role again. No matter how good Hermione is, how far she's come, she's still only 18 years old. Snape's been playing the game for over half her life, and I expect him to be a little more on the ball now that he's not quite so under-the-thumb. Well done, though I'm not sure exactly why the Spanish representative was so overtly hostile to them. Sensed a trap, perhaps? Thought he could curry favor with the rising, strong force to his west?
| Cause-and-Author chapter 3 . 4/9
Good, thorough work with the disguises and transfers. I absolutely cannot wait to find out what happened and what went wrong. Plus a thousand internet points for remembering that Britain is part of a larger wizarding world (we presume!) and that all the evils of Lord Voldemort didn't need to be shouldered by a school and a handful of untested children.
You've also let Hermione grow up quite a bit - I'm very impressed with this incarnation of her. Very "Sara Connor".
| Cause-and-Author chapter 2 . 4/9
Ooh, somebody did their homework! Well executed.
| Cause-and-Author chapter 1 . 4/9
I love your setup! Going Muggle is the perfect option, and the gemstone code was also good. Perhaps a bit overkill, since I doubt any death eaters know how to tap phones, but better safe than sorry.
One note: some of the airport security you described is anachronistic - much of the Potterverse is set before the post-terrorism security was put in place. Specifically, shoes would have stayed on.
I'm intrigued, and looking forward to more.
| Dark Mermaid chapter 43 . 2/23
Disappointed after days of reading to realize it's not finished...:(