|Reviews for Two Turntables and a Lyokophone|
| MoonlitxAngel chapter 4 . 1/22/2011
This story definitely has potential, but you need to do some major editing on it. These huge paragraphs are killers on the eyes and I can't stand to read them anymore.
When each new character begins to speak you need to hit the enter button to create a new line. Your first paragraph for this chapter should be as follows:
Aelita was beginning to get worried. The group had made almost no progress, and there had been no new stuff on the news about the hospital on the local news channel responsible for initial coverage of the incident. Although, there was one upside. The avatar hadn't been as uncontrollable as Aelita had previously thought. Since Jeremie never was one for videogames, he had made the user interface as easy to navigate as possible. This helped, but it was still a little more difficult than Aelita had expected it would be. Then, all of a sudden, an idea popped into Aelita's head. "Hey, what if we go into Sector 5? We might be able to find something there that can help us understand what's going on here," she said.
"Anything to get out of this mess," Yumi said, who was currently pinned down behind a rock.
Ulrich was trying to get her out of there, and responded with a quick "Sure, let's do it."
Odd was busy clearing the tower of Tarantulas and said, "Yeah, let's go. This was getting boring anyway.
or something along those lines. Those big paragraphs will and probably have scared away readers.
| Hinata28h chapter 6 . 12/11/2010
OH NO!WHAT KIND OF PERSON CAN DO SUCH A CRUED THING TO YOU AND JUST WHEN IT GOT TO THE GOOD PART TOO!
A sad Hinata28h
| Dragonfly996 chapter 5 . 12/1/2010
Amazing keep it up CTS!
| OrangeChima chapter 5 . 11/29/2010
Glad to see Jeremie is back, I was hoping he'd be alright! Whats going to happen next? Everything seems to be winding down really quickly!
| OrangeChima chapter 2 . 11/17/2010
Wonderful chapter, but I felt the ending was just a little rushed. I was hoping for some new fanfics about Jeremy and this one is doing great! Update soon please!
| lady gaga chapter 1 . 11/13/2010
nice you'll win for sure