|Reviews for A Hero's Retribution|
| Guest chapter 1 . 6/9
with danzo had a foe the Naruto and sauske on the run the 2 had to put the ego of them on to stop the mad men and his eevil army too it will be a war of the laes tow evils .
| Meow chapter 13 . 11/22/2014
Awesome story! When everyone thought Naruto was dead I was starting to get annoyed thinking it was one of those fanfics where Naruto tragically dies... But you proved me wrong, YAY! I look forward to reading the rest of your stories.
| Meow chapter 9 . 11/21/2014
Just wanted to say awesome story! But, it's Yamato.
| Mach the Cynic chapter 12 . 4/14/2013
I love how you portrayed Sasuke as a good guy.
| Crystalzap chapter 2 . 3/20/2013
"Fox" really? Why all the theatrics? It's obvious he is Naruto and if Sasuke can stand next to him without a mask why is he hiding...
| Kittens Kat chapter 13 . 2/20/2013
| LordHatredX chapter 13 . 1/16/2013
! ! !
| mattcun chapter 13 . 4/21/2012
| Skykhanhunter chapter 13 . 3/11/2011
First of all, great story. I really enjoyed reading it. Terrific idea, one I'm surprised no one else has noticed either, with Sasuke not believing Madara (in truth I can't believe he just swallowed everything Madara told him in the manga in the first place.)
The idea is terrific, plausible and certainly not ridiculous like a lot of other fics I've read, where Naruto becomes a second Sasuke. Naruto here was believable. The idea of Naruto uniting the villages in the face of Danzo's warmongering was another great idea. So was the induction of the Raikage, Although I would have enjoyed seeing the Mizukage in there as well.
However, what I am most surprised at is that you didn't make this story deeper and longer. It had a really great potential to become greater AU than it already is, but I felt it happened all too quickly. I know that you're only just starting out in fanfiction, but you've certainly got a talent for plot development. If you feel like it, I would definitely suggest re-working this story again at a later date. Certainly I get the feeling you've got a lot more that you could have done with this story as opposed to what you did with it.
I'm not trying to take away from this story, not by any means, in fact I almost believed that Naruto had died at the end there, but you surprised me in a good way with his final technique. However, if I may give you some pointers if you ever decide to revamp this story I would recommend,
- slow down the plot. As I said, everything happens very fast. the best way to do this would be to,
- develop the conversations more. Most of them could have been lengthened somewhat. The best way to do this would be to,
- delve into the characters feelings more. I was thrilled with Hinata's dedication, as well as the fact that you gave the girl her due (something Naruto needs to do in the manga). However, her joy at seeing Naruto again was cut short a little in that it all happened quite quickly. Introspection is necessary in fics as it can round out a character as well as give reasons for their actions.
(On a completely seperate note, this is the reason why I consider the Revenge of the Sith novelisation to be completely superior to the film. The characters motives, desires and thoughts are fully explained. For example, in the film Obi-Wan defeats Grievous somewhat easily, despite Grievous' fearsome reputation, which tarnishes both's reputation. However, in the novel, it explains that Obi-Wan had become a Vessel for the Living Force and couldn't be defeated, even by a fast-as-light killer like Grievous. All due to the fact that it showed Obi-Wan's thoughts. It also explained Palpatine's thoughts in that the only reason he'd sent Grievous there was so that Obi-Wan would leave Coruscant nd leave Anakin behind, prey to Palpatines machinations. Again, the book showing thoughts, trumps the film which does not.)
- another thing that could have been improved was the appearence of the other characters. Neji and Killer Bee only get one line each, and more could have been developed on how Killer Bee trained Naruto to harness the Kyuubi. Similarly characters like Rock Lee, Tenten, Kiba, Shino and Chouji weren't worked upon much. Not only would this have lengthened the fic, it would also have allowed for more character interaction as well as more character development and broadened the spectrum of the fic.
Those are the recommendations I give if you so choose to revamp this fic. As I said above, I'm still happily impressed by your level of ingenuity in coming up with a plotline which involves not only a direct approach to Sasuke's return, but a work out of how exactly Naruto would be able to bring everything to a satisfactory close and rise to become Hokage, get the girl he deserves and end the hatred of the shinobi world.
You have the makings of an excellent writer and I wish you best of luck i the future.
P.S. Do you agree with me that Sasuke made a mistake when he went to Orochimaru? I think he should have gone to Kumogakure after he reached Stage II of the Cursed Seal. The Raikage could probably have made him far more powerful than Orochimaru did, and Killer Bee and Yugito Nii could have taught him to properly harness his Cursed Seal.
I think I may write an AU based on that idea myself.
| Lucy Ash Hawthorne chapter 13 . 2/20/2011
| VFSNAKE chapter 13 . 2/20/2011
YAY! A fitting end to a good story. Though you want to put Epilogue at the bottom. Not Prologue.
| Shadow Spirit Dragon-Wolf chapter 13 . 2/20/2011
Really cool ending, though there were some spelling errors tha maybe you should think about for future stories. I almsot think you should make a sequel to this story, I don't know why, it was cool though, it is one of the only ones I've actually gotten to the end off, I mean some I stop reading and some are still going. Anyway good job.
| Lucy Ash Hawthorne chapter 12 . 2/10/2011
| VFSNAKE chapter 12 . 2/10/2011
OH NO! Naruto needs to get free.
| Shadow Spirit Dragon-Wolf chapter 11 . 2/5/2011
Awesome, keep up the good work, there are a few spelling errors though and you spelled Yamato wrong, just to let you know that, again keep going.