|Reviews for Tainted Fal'Cie|
| Xyzantylzethyrioses chapter 55 . 2/5
YAY BHAKTIIIIIIIIII best minor character ever!
Yeah, seems like it would probably be useful. Even if you "outgrew it" near the end.
Yes, even though the game was done, there were somewhat-loose ends. That's why there's so much FF13 fanfiction that is NOT alternate-universe. You sure cleaned up a lot of loose ends well, and manage to make it not really conflict with 13-2 either.
Ideas for the story:
Yeah, inspiration is mandatory. Nobody can write without ideas. Very good work with shaping ideas into this story.
Yep, completely respectable to see what others have done.
Split in two stories:
Understandable. I completely agree.
Similarities to 13-2:
There's enough different, and enough similar, that at the end it feels like it fits, very very well. Heck, the main conflict of 13-2 doesn't fit all that well with 13-1, but you've tied yours to both very well.
Researching in 13-1:
Yeah, excellent addition. Makes it feel more authentic with official lines included.
Umm, yeah, never played/watched. IDC. Whatever. If you think it fits, good enough. The words were fine.
Yeah, I didn't care too much about it. The Pulse and Cocoon brands didn't really have any meaning to them, just a design the game developers made to, well, have a visual representation.
What you said makes sense. Although it feels to me like they should've had white brands after their second stasis anyway. The brand, in my opinion, is not a partial manifestation of the fal'cie, as Anima's death didn't save the six heroes in FF13. It's a permanent gift and curse. Vanille and Fang would have theirs whited out because of becoming Ragnarok. AFAIK, Fang was unable to become a cie'th with her white brand. I think of it like a scar denoting victory. And the power is fully theirs to use as desired, rather than just to get them to the end of the focus.
Regrettably, I didn't read many of the short writings at the beginning of the chapters (other than author notes; I skipped most of the review replies because honestly you gave quite a few spoilers). But they make it more complete.
It didn't feel like that great of an addition to me. Ah well.
Yep, absolutely. She needed to show who she was. 13-2 certainly includes a lot of that as well, but once again it feels like this story and 13-2 do not conflict with each other. I thought of the opening-ish scene with Noel and Serah, "Can you fight?", a lot with your growth of Serah in the story. It fits, very well.
Yeah idk. It just belongs. Guess we're not epic enough to understand Lightning.
Yep, TONS of open space to get creative with her. You did an excellent job filling in details about her, although it felt weird to me that "everyone" knew about the Tainted before 13-1 but all the stories were hidden away. You did your best to make the Tainted try to fit into the world.
Absolutely agree with everything you wrote there.
Yep, it felt completely right as a reader as well. But you and your spoilers, "Well, as to whether Serah gets an Eidolon, you'll just have to wait and see," was just WAY too clear. Whichever chapter's review replies had that in it, I stopped reading them after that one.
Tainted and Shadowed Four:
I felt you did a fine job with them. They made sense, mostly. Just a bit OP, but what can you expect?
You used them extremely well. Very, very impressed with how you incorporated them into the story. I don't think I've read fanfiction before with this level of successful NPC use.
YESSS. And if you haven't seen it already, he gets a scene in 13-3. He is such a respectable little critter.
I thought it was perfectly fine.
Yeah pretty much. It probably would've ruined the story to change too much in this department.
The three other sections I don't feel really need any comments.
Yay. That is exactly how he should be, between his 13-1 appearance and 13-3 appearance, that is completely anti-out-of-character for him. Applause.
Thank you for the great story. The beginning didn't make much sense, but it ended well and really tied into a lot of loose-ish ends in the entire ff13 universe.
| Xyzantylzethyrioses chapter 54 . 2/5
Wow, I suppose a memory wipe is an excellent way to make it fit into canon. It feels like it can fit. *FFXIII-1.5*
| Xyzantylzethyrioses chapter 52 . 2/5
The setting makes a LOT more sense than so many other "end boss fights" in games or stories. And the appearance of the enemies that are there also feels more justified than "ghost" remains of enemies in a lot of games. Somehow you've made it make sense; made it justified.
| Xyzantylzethyrioses chapter 50 . 2/5
For others reading comments, if you haven't read chapter 50, do not read this comment.
Annnnd finally the enemy makes sense and fits into other lore. Actually makes a heck of a lot of sense. Muin chaos / dead pre-Creator. It seems natural. It just took way to long to reveal... but best secrets for last? There could have been some sort of hint about Tainted was born of chaos, or something like that. It just seemed like it was an unprovoked super-powerful evil being for 49 chapters.
| Xyzantylzethyrioses chapter 47 . 2/5
| Xyzantylzethyrioses chapter 46 . 2/5
Since last time I reviewed, everything was mostly predictable. They'll get information, they'll find an enemy, etc. This chapter was less predictable. Surprise aerial assault, eidolon stones, a lot of stuff. Nice.
| Xyzantylzethyrioses chapter 38 . 2/4
Annnnd good it wasn't Raines. That would not have made much sense. They made it fairly clear that he was dead. But I suppose they made it seem like Rosch died at Hope's house, and there he was in Eden. And it seemed like Rygdea was done for, but your survival story for him made more sense.
Oh the excellent additions of side characters. Thumbs up. Bhakti is adorable.
| Xyzantylzethyrioses chapter 16 . 2/3
I like how interesting you make the fights against "typical" monsters. Usually only bosses get the special treatment of posing a threat.
Hooray for random NPCs being useful! And great, it has a back story that relates to the game! Excellent inclusion. While other writers may be better at writing descriptions, your content is excellent.
| Xyzantylzethyrioses chapter 15 . 2/3
I suppose it's unavoidable that Serah had to "grow up" after being a l'cie and her family saving the world. This was written well, a better transition than 13-2.
Interesting scenes. Though the knife popping up is a little far-fetched.
| Xyzantylzethyrioses chapter 14 . 2/3
-From your comments about comments... yeah, cliffhangers are just plain necessary. ALL literature, movies, games, books, short stories, heck even verbal stories have cliffhangers. Don't sweat it.
-Flancakes! Wonderful invention. Always heartwarming when authors inject the fantasy world into mundane objects.
-Sometimes you overuse descriptions, like hair or formal titles, rather than names. It's good to not repeat names over and over every time you are talking about them, but when you're calling everyone in a scene this-hair-person and that-hair-person it gets distracting.
| Xyzantylzethyrioses chapter 13 . 2/3
-Yay Bhakti! Such a good little robot. I love mentions of him (it?). Also nice that you've written in progression in the chocobo (though there's "official" stuff now that says its a girl, not a boy, and is named Chocolina; you've still done a great job with the chocobo though). Annnnd you've included other minor characters like Team NORA, Rigdea, and your what-happens-to-Bartholomew makes a lot of sense. Minor characters make everything better.
-In other chapters you've almost overused Lightning's real name. In FFXIII and 2 and 3 Serah used "Lightning" instead of Claire pretty much every instance except when Barthandelus was impersonating her.
-Vanille knows stuff. Always great to see when writers acknowledge it.
| Xyzantylzethyrioses chapter 12 . 2/3
This is one of the more believable post-game "universes". So many have fully functional technology and awkward living conditions for the l'Cie. It's great how you reintroduced magic. "The Tainted"s existence doesn't make that much sense to me, but then again the conflict of FFXIII-2 was rather unprovoked as well. It makes as much sense as it can.
When you cut off someone's words because someone interrupts them (or the person decides to say something else), it's sometimes written awkwardly. Nobody says the first two letters of a word. They might say the first syllable(s) or part of a consonant though. My point is, people say sounds, not letters, so some of the writing could be improved in this way.
| MurdererMine chapter 55 . 6/15/2014
That was good. I normally can't pay attention long enough to read a story of this length, but it sucked me in and I liked it. Other than Lightning being in various states of helpless for much of the story, I really can't think of anything I disliked, not even a bit (which, as jaded and nit-picky as I am, is saying something). So thanks for writing this. It's awesome.
| SatoshiKyu chapter 54 . 6/12/2014
This was good. This was damn good.
| SatoshiKyu chapter 36 . 6/12/2014
Okay so is it wrong of me to find the sheer badassery of Tainted Lightning extremely awesome? Even knowing that it's slowly killing her (or worse), I can't help but wait impatiently for the moment She inevitably shows up and starts beating the hell out of things with black lightning and shit. Too amazing for words.