|Reviews for Blurring the Lines|
| Guest chapter 7 . 4/26/2016
I demand more. Don't make me write your name in the Death Note.
| Guest chapter 7 . 2/14/2016
Please update soon! Would love to see this idea form more and come to a conclusion because its very well written and I can't wait to see romance actually take action!
| Carottal chapter 7 . 10/21/2015
I'm so happy to read this new chapter! However, I think it wasn't your best. Well, the middle of it.
I wonder if you had time to proofread it because there were some very strange parts in it. Well, two.
"made him stop. By then, the clouds that had hung over the city for days had decided to the city once again."
That's the beginning of the third paragraph, and I think (know) some words have gone MIA (which is not a difficult guess when you know this is exactly how the paragraph starts, "made him stop").
"I borrowed it. I always borrowed some of your cigarettes. I'll pay you back."
That one felt strange. I wonder if you meant also instead of always. Or if borrow is not in the right form. But it's possible this is proper English and I just don't know it.
So the annoying thing is that the third paragraph broke the spell of this chapter to me. I was really into it, as usual with you and your ability to absorb me directly in the situation, until I reached the third paragraph. After that, it took some time to get back into it. I was enjoying your words, because I really like how you describe things, but there were some distance I couldn't really fill. I think I got back in when Near talked to Mello. Then, I was in the story, enjoying myself a lot!
So I'm not sure what to think of the moment Mello follows Near. I don't know why I wasn't hooked by the action, by the prospect of Mello maybe discovering why Near is here, by the risk of him being found out by Near. But I wasn't. Is it solely because of the third paragraph? I'm not sure it is. I was nearly there when Mello hid after spotting Near. That moment was great. But as my father would say, "you didn't convert the try". And the "I always borrowed" didn't have the same effect on me. Maybe there was something lacking in the action? Maybe it was too descriptive for me to really get into it? Maybe it wasn't meant to be a very suspenseful moment filled with adrenaline. After all, Mello is simply following Near. But well. I think I could have been more sucked into it.
That being said, I loved the rest. You are so creative in the ways Mello try to release his frustration. The moment he imagined breaking Near's members reminded me of a children song in French called "jean petit qui danse". (Jean the little who dances). The lyrics are Jean Petit is dancing for the king of France, with his foot, foot, foot, with his...
And then you proceed to name as many parts of the body as you can, mostly members though. As most songs for children, the truth behind the lyrics is a lot darker than it seems. Here, rumour has it the song is about a man being quartered. And you sing the parts of the body as they are breaking... I find it fitting for Mello's mood. As did the cigarettes and all that moment of anger. (which confirms it's not the third paragraph alone that made something lacking when Mello followed Near)
By the way, I told you a lot about the third paragraph, but the rest of this third paragraph was one of my favourite descriptions. What can I say, I love rain.
Near is loveable! Well, not really, but as a character, he is. I love how infuriating he is to Mello. Nothing new there.
And all the moment with Matt was awesome. I won't even try to understand why, when you put those two together, there are figurative sparkles in my mind. I won't. But I'll tell you I love it. I liked how Matt appeared in this, I liked how they acted together but there's moving new there, is it? So instead, I'll tell you I love what you're doing with Misa. And I wonder how long Matt will wait until he does something. Be it confronting Misa or finding her so different he just can't go on. The car thing made me sad for him, but at the same time, I couldn't help finding it funny. Misa has such an absurd logic! I just hope he won't have troubles because of what Misa will do with the car.
So yeah, not your best here, but still a pleasure for me to read, and it promises many good things to come! Thank you for the story :)
| bloop chapter 6 . 10/7/2015
*Internally screaming until new update*
Well I did not expect to get hooked on this but I have. Its official. I need this story to update and continue being updated until the ending because I can't wait to see what happens :3 things have taken am interesting turn and I hope it gets even better
| MissLittleReader254 chapter 6 . 9/20/2015
Haha, as usual Near gets on Mello's nerves with only a few words. Great chapter, yay two in the same week!
| Carottal chapter 6 . 9/20/2015
Are you joking? No, this is not Christmas. Christmas is expected. You know the date. You know how it'll go. Hell! You know at least half the presents your unimaginative family is going to get you! This is no Christmas. This is a freaking happy un-birthday! I couldn't believe the chapter would come so soon!
Anyway, as as soon as I click the review button, I'll have your eternal love, no matter what I say, be prepared for a suite of nonsense. Because I don't know exactly what I want to tell you (I try to be creative in the way I profess my love for your story) so I'll put this review under Lewis Carroll's patronage and see where my feelings and words get me.
If I had to give this chapter a name, it would be Revelations. Yes, revelations. Yes, I did read the chapter. And I understood many things while reading it.
It started with the first sentence. "The rain had stopped by the time Mello woke again". I won't even try to explain how I think it's a great way to start a chapter because you set the mood, the time, and reminded us of the situation with one sentence. I won't explain it. First, because I already kind of did. And second, because to go deeper into it would use too many characters and that would get me into one of my lonely fights about not having enough characters to really express yourself on this site. Which would result in me using even more characters and end up not being able to explain in what way this chapter was made of revelations. Which is what I want to talk about. So no, I won't explain that. Instead, I will tell you that as usual now when I read in my room (at night), I am on my phone, music in my ears, and next to you, the ost from kiseijuu, is playing. I will try to avoid shamelessly advertising Hitoshi Iwaaki's works, although he is my hero for publishing Historie. All the more because the music changed and now I'm hearing Pop goes my heart from The come back (I think it's also the English name of the movie). And that's the great thing about listening to music on random while reading. You don't know what is going to come. I never fail to mention those moments of grace when the music fits the story so well it gets me in a state of pure harmony. It doesn't happen often. Even more rarely, the music brought a new light to a scene. I remember that once, I read the thought of someone mourning while listening to epic music. Suddenly, I could feel hope among the tears, because this mourn was as much to express sadness as to become able to go forward. That day, I suddenly understood with certainty that mourning is about getting back to life. It's to become able to let things go. It's the way to open your door to hope when you're desperate. So yeah, I love listening to music, even though usually, it doesn't add anything to the reading experience (experience is an important word, remember it, it'll come soon for an outstanding transition). Which lead us to the moment I plug my headphone into my phone, click the link to your story ("can't believe it, new chapter, I'm so happy") and start the music on my phone. And it starts in the middle of Cliff of the Dover. I start reading, and stop right away. Fuck. (I love the predictive keyboard that still believes I use "duck" more than "fuck". It always makes me wonder how ducks fuck... I should stop this parenthesis). So fuck. Because for the first time in a very very long time, the music doesn't match the story AT ALL. I had come to think that the worst that could happen was for the music not to add anything to the story. But here I am, unable to read one more word, because it's so out of tune with the guitar solo. I nearly winced when I tried again, curious girl I am, because I wondered if it would give a new light to the moment. The completely unrelated music made me physically unable to read the story. That was the first revelation I had while reading. Music can also negatively impact the reading experience. Even when you love the music and the story separately. So I waited for the song to change to a quieter one and started reading again.
The second thing I discovered was that you are an incorrigible tease. And now, I'm going to have you think on what I did in the previous paragraph. See how long it was? See how you had to wait just to get the point of it. What was that incredible revelation I had at the first line? Well, I will tell you this. I feel no guilt about making you read rants, casual thoughts, and anecdotes about my life. First because there's a point to them. They are here to explain where this humble reviewer is coming from and why she's thinking the way she does. Second, because you've been doing the same thing since chapter 2. Really. I'm pretty sure I told you at that chapter that I wanted to see Matt and Near talk for real. And here we are, chapter 6, and I don't think they've exchanged more than 3 words. And Matt isn't home. When I read he wasn't home, when one part of my head was pitying Mello, another one was thinking you were a cunning sadist for delaying the real meeting again. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I think that telling a story is more than going from point A to B. A good author takes the most of every curves on the way and let the readers enjoy the scenery. I'm not complaining at all. I'm discovering a lot. How Matt and Mello's relationship works. The pinning, the friendship, the trust, the flaws, the silence, the secrets and the history. How Mello and Near feel about each other. How your characters work. I love it. But I noticed you were delaying this moment, and as I realised it, I found it fun.
I also discovered your Near seems to be a bastard. And thus I confirmed that I love shameless bastards. Because Near is impressive in the way he completely discards Mello's right of property. Got me to wonder about how it worked at "home" for them. I love how logic is what has Near act the way he does. Or better said, selfcentered pragmatism. It's wonderful!
I also wondered about Near's mission. Does he really have one or is he here to make Mello come back "home"?
Then, there was the revelation about the pictures. This chapter really shed a new light on Mello's relation with Matt. Well, every chapter add something to it. The one at the bar showed Mello the nice friend, the one you in to when you're sad. The 5th showed the conflicted side when love and friendship makes it really hard to say what you want to say. This one showed that Mello can't say all he wants to Matt. That Matt will not accept everything from Mello or at least that Mello doesn't think so. It shows that there's no total trust between both. But at the same time, the picture shows they care for each others a lot. I think that if I have to pick one thing from this chapter, it would be how it showed that there is not such a deep link between these two guys, but both of them want one, even though it might not be in the same way. So I think the smile that appeared as Near told Mello Matt also had the pictures near his computer was quite stupid and full of fondness. It's something I just can't explain myself. I mean, I know I'm not that hard to please with fanfics. But to get this emotionally involved in the story that I want to slap Mello, hug him, shout at him to wake up and act, and sooth him and tell him it's going to be alright, that's not that common. I laughed out loud at something that wasn't even that funny. I just get into your story, into your characters, so easily... I don't know. Maybe it's the way you write Mello. His thoughts, his troubles. He is so human. They're all so human! That's all I ask for in a character.
This leads me to another revelation, I really need to copy and cut things when reading a fic. A part of me thinks of the review. When I read your fic, that part of me isn't that present because I get a little bit too much in the story for it to be. Which is not that great when it comes to review. Here is an example.
I actually don't think this was your best chapter. At the same time, it may be my favourite for now. Some moments seemed to flow less fluently than usual. If I had copied and pasted those moments I could tell you what moments seemed to flow less than the rest. As things are, I'm not even sure whether it's the flow that was really less fluent, or that I was sympathising with Mello's unease so much that I felt it in the text. Oh well, what is sure is that I noticed a few mistakes. For instance, I wonder if Mello only took one extra towel out in your first draft ("to bring down an a stack of extra towels").
So yeah, I won't proofread this review, it seems so long I'm nearly sure it'll get cut down. I'll end this review with three things. First, say that reviewing is something I love. It helps sorting your thoughts and the more I understand what a story made me go through, the more I learn about myself and my understanding of the process of reading and writing. Second, say that reviewing tonight made me come to a last revelation, and that is the connection between my profile here and Lewis Carroll. Third, as usual, say thank you, because I love reading you, and I love you for keeping publishing on this website. :)
| Guest chapter 4 . 9/19/2015
Mello really needs a new job XD
| FanfictionWomanForever chapter 5 . 9/18/2015
| Carottal chapter 5 . 9/18/2015
Tell you what I think? I think my stomach aches, the sky is cloudy, my umbrella is annoying and the night air is loveable. I think I love walking at night and watch the world around me. I think I'm stupid for having checked my alerts on my way home. I think I crazy for not being able to refrain myself from clicking the link to your story. I think I nearly fell right now because I'm reviewing. I think something's not right with me as I don't regret doing any of this because I love reading your fic, and the dimmed light of my street echoed nicely with the stormy night in your story.
What I thought now. First I thought I was dreaming when I saw you had treated. I thought you were a sadist, bragging about a chapter that could have been longer. But then I thought it was great that the next one was already started. Then, I thought I loved the chapter and wanted to read more.
Yeah, I didn't think much while reading the chapter. But I felt. I felt fear everytime I could see a break line coming, because it could have been the end of the chapter. I felt sorry for Mello's problems with money. I felt angry and sorry for Matt because he needs to get out of this awful relationship with Misa. I don't care if he finds solace with Mello or Gertrude (though, yeah, I'd rather see him with the former by far), he needs out. I felt kind of the same for Mello because he is pinning for Matt hard, but he should express what he thinks of Matt's relationship : that it's a waste. Because there's no fear to have, a friend could say so too. So I felt I wanted to slap Misa, I wanted to slap Matt and I wanted to slap Mello. And Near, for good measure. And he could help Matt open his eyes on his situation. I felt amused at Matt's effort not to wake Mello, and I felt warm at the cuteness in the beginning of their dialogue.
Most of all, I felt happy while I read and grateful when I finished.
So thank you for the chapter, and I hope to see the next chapter soon. Until then, take care :)
| Anon chapter 4 . 8/26/2015
Wow! Pleeease continue this; it's so good!
| Carottal chapter 4 . 8/19/2015
This chapter was a bit less "energised" than the previous ones, which is not surprising as it was more serious. Anyway, still loved it!
I had fun imagining Mello, repeating his mantra everyday, as anger management. Way to make things look better!
But I hope he gets to change job at some point. It can't be healthy to feel so much hate every day.
Matt was damn cute when explaining his reasons for being there. Lucky he didn't go straight to home or Near would have made a very blunt diagnosis! ...or maybe he did? Can't wait to see how he is with Matt!
The way he explained, I felt it was not the first time he had those doubts...
Oh, and did I tell you I liked the Matt/Misa pairing? I don't know, they have a lot in common as loyal followers. I still prefer (by far) Matt/Mello.
And I liked how you set the set in the beginning. God don't I want to go to this place! In fact, you did a great job at conveying the different atmospheres. You got me to dislike Mello's workplace and feel the rush of a cafe. Things seemed way more peaceful outside. All the more when Matt came around.
You seemed to have a slight problem with "his" in this chapter.
"His frowned at the memories that cropped up"
"his situation his with his family, namely Near"
Maybe it was on sales
Thanks for the chapter, you never fail to put a smile on my face.
| FanfictionWomanForever chapter 4 . 8/18/2015
Pretty good, I like where it's going! I shall wait for an update! _
| Guest chapter 4 . 8/18/2015
Mkay, this is happening. Good. Can't wait.
| Carottal chapter 3 . 7/30/2015
So yeah, second time reading, first time reviewing this chapter.
First, I'd like to quote you: "You think you can seriously waltz into my life after two years?"
Yes, definitely, you can. You, the author can, this story can, and Near can absolutely waltz into this flat, if it's to bring this chapter. I love your Near and what he represents to Mello. I love that he brings some kind of mystery. I love that we don't know how the cohabitation will go but that we can expect it to be eventful. But most of all, I love how he puts Mello of balance and their dialogue about Matt war priceless.
What you did, with Mello lowering his voice when some facts were mentioned made the scene so funny! I could really imagine this scene being staged in a theater play. So, so funny. Near and his slightly mocking but very matter of fact points, Mello and his attempt at control when it's slipping out of his hands, and Matt completely oblivious (or is he?) and lovably laid back.
I'm impressed that you managed to go back into this story so easily. I don't know if your style changed, it didn't strike me as different. But I'm really impressed that you went back directly into the scene so well. It doesn't look like there is a 2 year gap between this one and the previous one at all! Good job!
And most of all, there's this dynamism, this energy oozing from this text that is a bit the same as the one coming from sex Egg. Maybe this is your style... If it is, I love it!
Anyway, thank you for this update, I'm so glad to read more of this, see some kind of plot tip toeing into the story, and have another glimpse to remind me of how well the dynamism between your Mello and your Matt works. Thank you.
| ShinigamiMailJeevas chapter 3 . 7/8/2015
I actually had no idea what this was when it showed up in my inbox. Usually i delete stuff like that but i decided to click into it, veryyyyy happy i did :D