|Reviews for Through the Eyes of the Mad and Blind|
| excessivelyperky chapter 1 . 3/4/2013
It's part of why he loves Lily, with the soft glow of green in her irises and the way they never judge him even if they never seem to see him.
-What a pity that Voldemort seems to be the only one who does so.
| AntagonistXI chapter 1 . 8/2/2011
The summary you had was interesting and I think this had a lot of potential.
My main complaint is the length of some of your sentences - chiefly:
'It puzzles Severus that Bellatrix seems unaware that she's burning a haystack to find a needle - insane has seldom equaled stupid, in Severus's opinion, and Bellatrix isn't an exception - and it takes him a while longer to realize she doesn't even know she's looking at all, and then all Severus has left to wonder is why he watches her so, though she scorches and blinds.'
I think this would be more coherent if it were broken up.
If incoherency is what you were going for ('mad and blind' and all), make the odd sentence structures consistently inconsistent, ;) if you know what I mean.
Secondly, hesitate to mix metaphors/images - fire (in her eyes), gravity (Voldemort's orbit).
To me, introducing other abstract ideas/images can take away from the main subject image (in this case, fire), especially in such a short one-shot. In this form, and really, for any piece of writing, it is important to have some kind of overarching idea that brings everything together.
I could also compare this to a photograph/picture where the background isn't too busy behind the subject image - for example a vibrant red rose on a black and white background. The focus is on the rose and the background isn't competing with it.
Hope that made sense.
Note: if I did not think your story deserved a second thought, I would not have spent my time writing this.
Other stories on the first search results page for this pairing may have more reviews, but that does not necessarily mean they are better.