Reviews for NineTenths
Fragalaga chapter 1 . 1/1/2015
Nice story man! Just wondering, is Brecht the same Brecht from your earlier story, the one about the Sister of Battle? No criticism I can find but that which has already been pointed out. Hope you keep going!
Schadenfreude555 chapter 28 . 6/16/2012
Carlo Gesualdo chapter 25 . 3/30/2012
I feel a bit sad that this story has only gotten nine (well, ten now) stories in ten reviews, but honestly I'm not enough a writer to offer much in the way of constructive criticism for a fanfic this ambitious . . .

Having said that, there have been some things in recent chapters (posted both here and on the Bolthole) that have really stuck out to me- hints as to the unusual nature and stupefying age of the entity that's coming to shape, the shifts in tense and setting, and just the generally top-notch character development -that put this, in my mind, at the level of the smattering of BL publications that I've broken down and purchased, or above. And that's not hype.
Schadenfreude555 chapter 23 . 3/27/2012
This is an excellent story
Carlo Gesualdo chapter 22 . 3/8/2012
Other than various iterations of "this is good," I can't say that I have much to say here, other than "how did I miss two updates?"
Carlo Gesualdo chapter 21 . 12/23/2011
Interesting. For once, the woman did NOT open the door- it's always nice to see genre savvy characters.

Anyway, to my eyes this is a nice connecting chapter- but to what?

I'm glad you found time to update, and happy holidays.
Lucius Emperors Child chapter 21 . 12/23/2011
I've been waiting for an update for awhile and it doesn't disappoint. You're fanfic is excellent. The details you have in the story are very true to the 40k lore and as someone else mentioned, this reads like a black library novel. Kudos and keep up the good work!
Carlo Gesualdo chapter 19 . 10/22/2011
Benissimo! This is just great. I have to admit that I've always looked at fanfics as being pretty "light" - if only in comparison to the "serious literature" I've been used to reading -and although I won't say that this changes that, it is refreshing to encounter such a well-written and serious piece.

I can't critique you technically, obviously- your underlying grasp of the language is better than mine, and I've never had a talent for proofing-and I'll also say that I like the scrupulous attention to detail in the narrative.

Other than "good luck" repeated in various forms and disguises, that's all I can say.
undeadyeti chapter 18 . 10/10/2011
Amazing it's like I am reading a blacklibrary novel thank you for sharing and thank you for simply being a teacher you guys are underpaid and underappreciated you shape yong minds and prepare them for the world thank you.
Mo Eazy chapter 16 . 8/17/2011
Its late and I've oversaturated my brain with GrimDark, so I may ramble during the following. Your technical skills are way beyond mine so I won't even comment on use of vocabulary and grammar.

It struck me the entire time I was reading this how familiar some of the characters were until I remembered these great stories about Kriegers a long time ago and they ended up involved with the Inquisition at one point. Was that yours? If so, you should post those here those were amazing.

Anyway, the pacing of this story is relatively good except for the occasional break when you take us someplace new to describe events that while obviously important to the overall story, I feel like they could be moved to better areas in the story, or be tied in to one another in more complete parts.

For instance, the "Hunting" scene in the Hive, which I presume is Hive 13, seems to tie in with the plight of the Hive administrator and his falling production levels. Perhaps a larger glimpse into those events will help, but as they are they're just kind of confusing.

Romance any? I don't know if you're aiming for that, call me old fashioned but every hero needs a girl, even in the GrimDark. You seem to have a good grasp on what GrimDark means judging by how you've maimed your characters, but just because its GrimDark doesn't mean there can't be the occasional spark of Light. Besides, love in the face of the odds is uniquely passionate and moving. When those odds are stacked as they are in M41, it takes it to a whole new level.

Not sure what else to say at the moment, maybe something more will come to me at a later date. Before I forget, is Brecht a member of the Ordos Malleus or Ordos Hereticus? Looking forward to more GrimDark with Inquisitor and Friends.
ClickaholicAnonymous chapter 3 . 12/11/2010
"Brecht's voice, smooth, perfectly modulated, yet tinged with faint traces of disgust, surprised her. She carried on walking behind him, her stride barely faltering, as she replied, "I'm sure my Lord is correct."" - This is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. You try too hard with the details, to the point where they distract the reader from the action. This is a bad thing. Keep in mind that most of the people who will read this story are between the ages of 13-25, as such they won't be interested in every part of what the characters do. You can go all out on descriptions of important events, but for the most part you should keep the action simple. Let the readers fill in the blanks, yeah?
ClickaholicAnonymous chapter 2 . 12/11/2010
I have only read the first chapter so far, but I must say that your writing is excellent! You might want to try breaking down your sentences though they're a bit long. And one other thing I find that's odd: in the chapter that I read, Elinore uses WAY more shells then she should to finish off the witch girl. One or two rounds after the first burst would have been sufficient, because bolt shells explode after contact, kind of like miniature grenades. That being said, one or two would have turned that girl's head into red paste.