|Reviews for STAY AWAY FROM THE|
| Pheonix09 chapter 1 . 6/2/2015
That was amusing, I loved it and awesome job
| hiccup-mikey-robin chapter 1 . 8/10/2014
| Cindy M 19 chapter 1 . 5/13/2011
| nellaselfgirl chapter 1 . 12/3/2010
this was good. I think Don needs a vacation. :)
| Saya the Ninja Cat chapter 1 . 11/24/2010
Yay, I like it when Leo and Raph are on good terms!
| Leradomi chapter 1 . 11/17/2010
very cute story but it was a bit distracting with typos and incorrect words "Leo handles Don the shell cells" and "Mike dropped it on the pool" which of course should be Don hands Leo the shell cell and Mikey dropped it IN the pool. Cute and lovely stories such as this one shouldn't be marred by little things like this because it turns those little things into big things. Really cute story though. If you ever need a BETA reader let me know!
| Peechy-Keen chapter 1 . 11/17/2010
Ha, the broken appliance fics are always good for a laugh I can't imagine how Donny lives with it, though. I would break down and quit after the sixth broken toaster. It's nice to see Leo trying to help fix things rather than break them for a change XD
Okay, so I have a few more tips for writing. I've noticed that you took out the faces such as "" and "T_T" when writing, which is good. What I recommend that you do now is fill their place with descriptive writing. The dialogue is great, but you need more than just dialogue to give your readers a good picture of what's going on. Write about the boys' actions, even the simplest things. It breathes life into the characters. For example, for:
"'Leo, hand me the screwdriver, please.'
'Here… I thought you had repaired this thing yesterday'"
you could have made it even better by adding details like so:
"Leo, hand me the screwdriver, please." Without looking up from his project, Donatello held out his hand expectantly.
Leo glanced over the clutter of instruments scattered across Don's worktable and selected the desired tool, placing it in Don's hand. "Here…" Leo critically studied the broken appliance before his brother. "I thought you had repaired this thing yesterday."
See how that has better flow and more detail to draw in the readers? Try to keep this in mind as you write.
My only other problem was the dialogue confusion. At certain times, I wasn't sure who was saying what. Be sure to specify who is the speaker to avoid uncertainty.
Okay, I'll stop talking, now P Yikes, sorry if I'm so long winded, I get on proof-reading streaks that are hard to break.
Good work and God bless,
| Yunuen chapter 1 . 11/17/2010
¡BLOQUEO CON MI OSITO Y YO!
ojala pase pronto ese bloqeo TT
muy bonito Who xD Leo ayudando a Doni con algunas reparaciones n.n ah pero qe desastrosos son Rafa y Miguel xD me gustaria hacerle una consulta Doni ¿por qe no puedo abrir el photoshop en mi lap? TT
sigue asi who!
le rezare a tezukasama para qe se te pase el bloqeo pronto