|Reviews for Tip of the Spear: Edge of the Blade|
| Jorvik chapter 9 . 7/15
Hello all. Apologies for the unorthodox delivery of this notification, but this is an advisory as to the future of this work; I'll keep it brief.
When I published the beginning of the first iteration of this work back in '09, the ME40K archive stood at around approx. ten entries or so; as a fan of both ME and Warhammer 40,000, the concept of a contrast between the relatively bright future of the 2180;s vis a vie the struggle for survival in 41,000 AD seemed appealing for an aspirant fanfic writer.
On recent reflection, however, I think I was over-ambitious and not fully prepared for the commitment that would expected to regularly maintain and write for a crossover like this on a constant basis. RL concerns have also thrown a slight spanner in the works and, irrespective as to how I would wish otherwise, I have to concede that the proverbial steam has finally run out of the boiler.
Therefore, I can confirm that the next chapter is due to be put up (with luck) within the next couple of months. However, this will be the last chapter I will be publishing for "Tip of the Spear" as I will be discontinuing this story and will no longer be updating it further.
I hardly expect anyone to have kept up with this story for so long after its initial, shaky publication five years ago, but for those who have taken time to read and/or leave feedback up till now, thank you very, VERY much for having come this far with me. Even though this may not have been a fully realised endeavor in the end, the feedback and constructive criticism you have given has been invaluable and - for what it is worth - I still wouldn't have missed any of this 'journey' for the world.
Thank you again and all the best.
| General Ripper chapter 6 . 11/5/2014
I would expect the Imperium to act this way, considering Aliens in their Galaxy are even bigger assholes than them.
| Ny'Kle chapter 9 . 6/26/2014
I don't like the Gerrad person. I nominate him to take an Javelin missile to the cupola of hi vehicle...thing...
but probably, he'll survive, and cause problems later on...
| Guest chapter 9 . 3/22/2014
| Kit chapter 8 . 2/19/2014
It moves a little fast for my taste. I personaly like a better framework for the story to be held before going off to war but whatever floats your boat.
| kalani.gapido chapter 4 . 2/12/2014
Type your review for this chapter here...
| Guest chapter 5 . 1/26/2014
This isnt right... The Deathwatch should have ripped them apart
| Guest chapter 7 . 10/20/2013
Proud servant of The Emperor and Imperium of Man, have to note quickly that Imperial vessels have no launch tubes for they boast their own propulsion systems capable of transporting them vast expanses of space.
| Guest chapter 7 . 10/20/2013
I just have to note as a
| bluekrishna chapter 3 . 10/8/2013
oooooo, the plot thickens. i quite like this chapter. now that we're getting into the meat of the story. i'm a bit surprised that the fleets didn't open fire as soon as they spotted xenos on the normandy, but hey, if half our protagonists got wiped out in the first few chapters, where would the fun be, eh? lol. didn't see any glaring typos (except somewhere in the middle where FTL became FLT) and it read very easily. so easily that i wanted to click next right away to find out what happens.
| Kendoka Girl chapter 1 . 8/19/2013
The cast and ship listings did help as I'm not familiar with Warhammer. Great action. You handled several distinct scenes well and I could follow the flow of the fight. You also managed to portray the characters' personalities in the story. I'll be interested to see how ME fits into all of this.
| Lady Amiee chapter 2 . 8/15/2013
Sergeant Richard Altern stared down on the hive world below him, a morbid fascination running through his mind as he glared down at the smog-polluted skies; his birthplace." You have him glaring and staring down in the same sentence.
Their lives were now devoted to the God-Emperor, first and foremost. – little else mattered.:: Were. I'd just go with "Their lives now devoted"
Sternberg, it seemed, had also fallen into sedition, though the instigators could not have been determined, or so Captain Aureus had explained to Richard within the ship's medicae.:: This is a really long, run on sentence.
As he found a suitable seat alongside his squad, he glanced about, noting the various Guardsmen from the two regiments in the same area, a clash of green and grey uniforms within the sombre and flat coloured interior of the briefing hall; the hall itself consisted of the seating area, suitable for at least several thousand humans, the speaker's stage, where prominent officers could brief personnel on upcoming campaigns, and large actuality sphere display, currently manned by several crewmen and deactivated for the immediate moment.::: Okay... this is a really, really long sentence, and also an info dump. Show, don't tell. I'd cut this down, explain through action, maybe have him walk through, speaking to the different armoured people. etc.
"But the battle is not over." Gerrad added grimly:: Die adverb die.
Several icons, representing Imperial and Chaos forces flashed on the map; Imperial aquilas were few and spread out across the map (save for Cadia and the passage of space nearby the planet, where a strong Imperial presence was noted):: I'm gonna say, uncomplicate your sentences. You have semi colons, which are fine, but then you add brackets, and it breaks the reading flow.
"We now have multiple reports that a massive Chaos force is spreading out from the Eye of Terror, with the main thrust heading for the Cadian Gate. These include, not just traitorous Guardsmen and the associated lost and damned, but also various warbands and companies from the Traitor Legions of Chaos, all of which are under the overall command of one of a traitor Astartes known as 'Abbadon, the Despoiler'. " I don't know who's speaking here, you broke the speech with a paragraph, and didn't explain who spoke.
"Keehlah, what was-"
"Skipper, what the hell just-"
"Did we just get hit, Commander?"
"There better be a fight going on-"
"Goddess, what has-"
"Everyone, settle down!" Shepard yelled. Once the fracas stopped, he began to explain hurriedly. "The Normandy has just encountered an anomaly. It's not natural, so I am assuming-"
"Reapers?" Tali probed, panic tingeing her voice.
"Possibly. We are diverting from our patrol in order to investigate it."::: Okay, you have multiple people speaking, so have them separated, so it doesn't become confusing.
"Yes, Commander" Garrus hurried to the comms terminal on the bridge to relay the order.::: Full stop after commander.
As Garrus hurried to join the others, Shepard reflected, "I pray that this isn't the worst!":; If it's thought, then you don't need speech marks. If it's speech, then you can't reflect words. Either italics, or some other way of showing it's thought or it's confusing.
Xavier muttered bitterly, "Now, we will find out where in the blasted Warp we have ended up."::: Die adverb die.
So, all in all. really interesting, but I have to say, I loved the Normandy crew interactions more. I don't know warhammer so at times I was confused. But, saying that, it's more because I don't know it, so nothing to do with your writing. Your prose is great, only occasionally a little thick, speech is solid and the scenes painted very well. Well done on a great chapter.
| Osage chapter 1 . 8/14/2013
Wow, this was one heck of an explosive chapter. I love how you set the stage with plenty of action, it's the equivalent of being thrown into an exciting war. Keep your writing precicely the way it is, because it definitely works in terms of action. However, since I'm not 100% familiar with the 40K universe it would've been nice to either have a bit more exposition, or to reveal some mass effect tech/world mentions, so as to anchor the readers. I'm sure there are folks who know both worlds, but I thought I'd give you a heads up anyways. Great first chapter, keep up the good work.
| Der Kaiser chapter 9 . 7/20/2013
| Imperial Priest chapter 1 . 7/19/2013
It cut off Good eh from my review below..